The Diary Of A Girl

Jet Pack

2012-02-13T11:03:00.000-08:00

One of the most fun band videos I have ever seen - yes it is my brothers band but watch the video for yourself and you will see that I am not being bias.

And just to be super nice you can down load the track for FREE!!!

The Fame Game

2012-02-13T03:28:00.001-08:00

Fame is a funny old thing isn’t it.
As I’ve said before – we measure success in a very weird way.
Those that appear to have it just don’t seem very happy to me, not at all, they might do on the surface but if you scratch just a little way underneath, well, it tends not to be too pretty.
Everything I say in the next few lines should be followed with ‘allegedly!’ And also everything I have to say is not an attack on anyone’s character – we all do things we shouldn’t – it’s an observation on ‘fame’ and not a judgement on the people it sucks in.
So, Whitney died. Why were people surprised? Once a drug addict you either get clean or you die – there doesn’t really appear to be a middle ground.
It’s sad. It’s sad that someone got so lost that they threw it all away.
Her daughter was apparently seen snorting cocaine recently – you’d hope her Mother’s life would turn her against such things but you do follow the examples set, unfortunately.
Take Nicole Richie. She seems to be the media darling right now but it was only a couple of years ago – maybe 4, if that, that she was found driving stoned on the wrong side of the highway with a bubble of heroin on her. Seems we’ve all forgotten about that one. Once you have that kind of addiction going on I am pretty sure you fight it forever.
Paris Hilton is constantly reported to have cocaine on her and do I really need to highlight the career of Lindsey Lohan.
Now all youth or nearly all youth seem to dabble with drugs but you figure these people have so much why do they need to get so drawn into a world that doesn’t normally make the happy ever after columns?
It’s even worse for the children of such celebrities and their antics. They have no choice but to be put under the limelight microscope when their parent does something bad. They are subjected to the fall out that they have little or no control over. They have the money but that, as we know, rarely seems to make people happy. Yet we all seem to strive for it. Kids today think being famous is a career choice – they forget it’s meant to be the by product of what they want to do. Ask them what they want to be famous for – and most of them have not got a clue. But then you take the Kardashians – a whole family made famous due to their sister leaking a tape of her having sex. Wow, talented!!!
To have so much money that you can do anything at all you want, it sounds ideal but I am sure it soon leads to boredom. The mind set of those that doggedly hunt down fame and celebrity is something of wonder in itself. They normally are highly insecure people that put themselves into a market where they will get absolute adulation but they will also have to deal with the haters too – so it’s one extreme to the other – if people are indifferent to you then you haven’t really made it, have you! The children of celebrities will inherit these genetics, they will also have as much money at their disposal that they know they don’t have to work – they know they can mess up – do anything – that has to lead to some weird morals. Like you have a confidence that life just can’t teach you when you are born with money. You take certain things for granted that most people never even get a glimpse of, you also have to put up with the gossip mill and the hounding of the press, people waiting for you to mess up, you don’t really know who is your friend and who is intrigued by your family and your fame. Add to that the usual insecurities of youth and it’s not necessarily a happy mixture.
When you have all the money in the world – anything is possible – you are only limited by your imagination – but surely you start to push the boundaries – it’s harder and harder to have fun and get your kicks – people all around you nod their heads –no one dare says no – you lose sight of reality and what is and isn’t acceptable social behaviour. You will always have people that want to hang out with you so you never need to really be held accountable for your actions. If you get caught with drugs that would be the average person in prison you know you’ll probably be told off, get a slapped wrist and be set on your way – you don’t have to be aware of your actions as nothing is really going to touch you – it’s got to be hard then to know your limits and know your boundaries. Most children want discipline and their parents care, what do you do if those parents aren’t there? Do you get more and more outrageous until they notice you? DO you get consumed by loneliness that you have to keep doing outrageous things so that people will remember you as you fear the unknown, falling off the radar?
Now, if you are a true drug addict or alcohol addict a two week stay in rehab is not really going to cure that – to me that’s merely a PR stunt – or the addiction is not real. If you are truly addicted and truly get yourself well you can’t keep the same friends. Yet if you take Nicole Richie again as an example she says quite frequently how she has got the same group of friends that she’s had for years and you hear of some of them getting into trouble for drink driving and being in possession of drugs. Hmmm how does that work? How can you be a recovering addict and be around such things? Or how can you want that company for your child/children?
So is it all a lie – are they all messed up? Is it all the media hype?
I wanted to think it was all media hype but then you get the deaths of Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain etc etc, you get the fall out of Demi Moore, Lindsey Lohan etc etc and it makes you start to wonder.
There is a saying ‘The trappings of fame.’ And the older I get and the more I look into it the more I see a bunch of very insecure people that have a lot of money but seem to be lacking in the basic attention stakes and they look for it in all the wrong places.
It’s wrong to say all famous people are addicts or are all deeply unhappy but the more you look into it the scarier that world of fame appears.

Zooey Deschanel said 'You don't have to be skinny to be successful'

2012-02-11T07:34:00.001-08:00

So I had this for breakfast!

Body art init.

2012-02-08T05:55:00.001-08:00

I HATE how people judge people with tattoos.

To be fair to that sentance - people in prison with those white supremacy things well....different breed not worth talking about......

But tattoos can be lovely and I've seen many that are. I love the one's that tell a tale. There is a great advert out there that sums up acceptance in the work place and people's attitudes.

I think it's one of the best adverts I've ever seen for perfectly getting the message across.

I am just not so keen on the fact that tattoos are now a fashion accessory for some - but one you can never take off.

Do you really have the same taste when you are 30 as you do when you are 18? Or 14? Because I know there is a law but we all know laws get broken.

Kids are rushing out to get covered in tattoos - almost getting anything done just to be tattooed - as though that is the only way they can express themselves or appear cool.

It makes me feel bad for those that have tattoos for the right reasons.

And what might those be? Because you want something beautiful on you for a reason - because it speaks to you - because it marks something special - can take you back to a happy moment or to remember a dear person. I love tattoos.
But I question the motives of some these days.

I think there are going to be a lot of kids out there that regret what they have done - plus the fact so many are getting generic tattoos done so they end up looking the same as tonnes of other kids walking around.

This guy has had something different done and I quite like it.

For the record this post is not a diss at tattoos and people that have them just the motives behind some of the youth getting them today. I think you know the type I mean.

Richie, Kurt, the interwebs and hand written notes

2012-02-08T02:10:00.001-08:00

Yesterday marked the 17th year anniversary of Richie James Edwards going missing.

Presumed dead? I think so.

But that’s the thing – if he’s not what a piglet for not getting in touch with his family or someone that knows him not getting in touch with his family.

I don’t know if his Mom still does this but up until a few years ago – she kept going to his flat on the Cardiff front and turning on the lights so that if he came home his flat would feel welcoming. That there breaks my heart more than anything else.

I heard about hard core fans overseas knowing about his self harming and buying him a set of knives asking him to think of them as he cut himself. How utterly horrible for the man.

The biggest thing that hit me about this was 17 years!!! How old did that make me feel. How much life has changed in those 17 years!

It also made me realise that this April it will be 18 years since Kurt said bye bye to us all.

Wowsers.

I am of an age where I know exactly where I was when the news broke in the UK about Kurt. (I was in my room with my then boyfriend, my Mom came running up the stairs and announced the man I had a picture of on my wall was on the news….suicide, my response was ‘did it work?’ she nodded – then the phone rang and it was my older brother, he didn’t normally give two hoots about such things but said this felt weird…..and so a generation mourned.)

Back then there was no internet.

I bet most of you can’t even imagine that.

As much as I love the internet and I love blogs and social networking sites I do look at the youth today and think hmmm we are breading a rather narcissistic group of kids that photograph everything – that don’t appear to live in the moment for anything anymore.

A lot of us don’t truly become ourselves until we leave home and we sort of shed our skin and leave the past behind – but when it’s all been documented photo by photo online for the world to see you no longer have that luxury. So you might be able to delete your blog but someone will remember, someone will have cached it. Somewhere my most important childhood memories are stored – thankfully with very little photographic evidence at the awful fashion I was forced to wear etc etc etc. It’s like we’re breading this narcissistic group of people that totally overshare on the internet but have little skills with social interaction in the real world – to me that is not advancement.

Weirdly as well with the internet meaning things can be in your home in seconds – you don’t have to wait for the hard product to hit the highstreet stores and then find the time to get to them to buy the item – with a few clicks of a button it will be brought to your very door or instantaneously through your headphones. You’d think music and media sales would be up – but it seems only computer games are flying high still.

A part of me feels like introducing my blog as ‘This is not a fashion blog.’ There are some amazing one’s out there but am I the only one really bored of seeing way too young teens taking photographs of themselves in every single item of clothing they wear and posing in not altogether suitable ways for the whole world to see – paedophiles and all!?!?

I miss some of the anonymity my childhood had. I do love how you can reach out to people all over the world and have certainly made some amazing friends that I would never have meet, or I assume I would never have met if it hadn’t been for the interwebs.

I also miss all the lovely handwritten letters I used to send and receive.

Thing is when I was a kid there was no cyber bullying. There were no online creeps grooming children. Shit still happened believe me, and some of it not known about but I know in my little town if someone was being weird – he…or she would get the shit kicked out of them or they would be moved on. Maybe not the most correct way to go about things but it was there for all to see. Now it feels more sly – way more underground.

The internet gives you freedom but sadly that is also abused. I for one don’t think I would let my child have a computer in their bedroom – you know – teens are very susceptible to flattery, I can see how they can fall for the charms of a class A loser.

Kurt and Richie were two very hounded but two very lonely characters. Maybe the internet helps such individuals – maybe it makes it worse.
Either way – hasn’t the world changed in 18 years – sadly with all the wars and things you hear about going on and the level of disrespect on the streets these days it is very hard to say if it’s been changed for the better or not. Time will tell I guess.

Anyway – enough of my ranting and musing – I’m off to listen to Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Big girls don't cry......

2012-02-07T08:44:00.001-08:00

So shall I be the first one to be brave enough to admit this is so far from the truth.
There are websites all over the place to help teens with their confidence and feeling like they don't belong or that they are ugly.....but how many things are out there for the big girl that feels that way?
You know that girl that is supposed to be a grown up but will feel like they are faking it in that world and one day soon they will be caught out for all the world to see.
It's surely not just me is it?
I hold my hands up to having a Peter Pan complex and I am not embarrassed by that and will never apologise for that but there is this misconception that because I am not a teenager anymore I should have my shit together...haha best joke I've heard in years.
In fact...I think I've regressed.
As a child and a teen I would get up on stage just me and my musical instrument and play a duet with another flautist. I would then play a piece with a pianist. I would then play a piece on my own. I would happily stand there in front of 500 people. No problem.
Could I do it now?
Hell no.
I hit 20 and my confidence came to me in bucket loads.
A lot may've been alcohol fueled to start with but it was there.
I think I must've thrown it away in one of the vodka bottles I thought was empty.
Where is it now?

Well - I got told that I am not shy, that it's something else.
I agree - it's called self esteem. I hear it's quite an essential thing to have.
One big part of me is very flippant and couldn't care less what the world thinks - I am what I am and I am a good person so I am not going to apologise for my flaws - you just have to realise I am human.
I know myself very well which in turn does also mean I am painfully aware of my flaws.
But you aren't meant to talk about this as an adult are you?
Something is meant to happen isn't it where you suddenly get up one day and you know what you want from life and even bigger, you know how to get it. You are suddenly meant to find the career path of your choosing and full on excel at it - buy a car, a house, a yacht, ok maybe not the yacht but you get the picture. I am suddenly meant to know about Art and only buy designer labels - they are investment pieces now not just a fun little dress.
I am meant to know the hair colour and style that suits me and not have all that experimental make up lying around - I know my brands and shades.
I should have a gym membership....and one I actually use.
I should know how to cook and never ever have a disaster in the kitchen (hey the flapjacks were still edible just more like snap cracks or something).
I have matching shoes and handbags.
I don't blow bubbles with my hubba bubba anymore and as for those plastic barrettes they are surely long gone.
I can hold a conversation with anyone about any topic under the sun and I can schmooze til the cows come home - I never have a moment of conversational doubt and of course I don't panic when having to enter a crowded room on my own. Of course I can wait in a pub on my own for my friends to arrive without worrying that I look like a billy no mates.
Of course I can recite poetry to you and have travelled the world.
Of course I don't look in the mirror and want to pull my hair out and scream 'why???'
I never fall asleep with my make up on (ok, that one is actually true).
I don't watch cartoons and only arthouse movies.
I walk everywhere - I don't skip and hop my way through life.
I haven't touched glitter for years.
I have never thought about wearing an alice band recently.
And I positively don't own a care bears tshirt - or have a book shelf dedicated to Tim Burton toys.

See, I am a totally useless adult but apparently we are not meant to talk about that!!!!

Don't let the sadness of the swamps get to you

2012-02-06T09:08:00.001-08:00

There's a girl in my life that is nice to me..........when she wants something. The same girl in my life will talk to me...........when others are, she even sometimes talks to me when we are on our own. I've done nothing to her, nothing to offend at all, but..........every now and then she cuts me dead, cuts me out and leaves me cold.
I don't get it - I try not to worry about it but every now and then I find it triggers something in me.
I end up thinking about what could I have done? What did I do to make her mad? Why does she hate me? Then I go off on a tangent about all the things that are wrong with me and my conclusion will be that everyone that ever meets me must totally think the same things about me and be able to see all my flaws and therefore I will end up with no friends and must just suck as a human being.

Nothing like catastrophsing is there.

Weirdly I will be the first to point out to others to ignore such behaviour from other people and to realise it's just jealousy.

Quite often if someone doesn't understand you, or can't put you in a box then they don't get you and will pretend to hate you but really they just feel threatened by you.

I am quite aware I don't always think like the average 'jo', but since when does that make you a bad person?

Well, it doesn't.

Instead of asking myself what I have done wrong - maybe it's about time I realised that it's her fault and her problem and not mine and that I should just get on with life.

Eye Eye!

2012-02-04T08:28:00.001-08:00

Who knew there were so many wonderful ways to do eyeliner!

Once you have mastered the art of liquid eyeliner I don't think you can turn back - you just have to be very careful and make sure you carry around some cotton buds if you suffer from hayfever. I have yet to find a decent waterproof liquid eyeliner. I've found one that just stains - which is rubbish as any mistake you make is there for the world to see for two days. I always used to wear winged eyeliner but now I keep that for the evening and a little modest sweep for work.

Unless I've been crying or had allergies then my eyeliner becomes super thick.
Just like if you catch me wearing red lippy to work - I am hungover and look like death but if I put the red lippy on you will think that is why the rest of me looks pasty. See, there are hidden messages in the way us girls wear make up you know.

I've been caught out in the rain on many occassion and my eye make up has stayed perfect but you try to cry descreetly in the cinema at a sad movie and totally deny you did so - then you walk outside into the lighted foyer where everyone can see you and suddenly you have become the daughter of Alice Cooper - how does that happen!

I am now feeling fully encouraged to try that huge eyeliner all over your eyelid flick......waiting for the boyfriend to now ask why the hell I am impresonating a panda and will of course tell him 'It's fashion darling!' and try really hard to not cry at the movie we watch tonight.

You can call me many things.....

2012-02-03T04:18:00.001-08:00

...but sporty is never and will never be one of them.
I don't do sport. I don't do organised exercise. I tried a yoga class once and the teacher went super super religious on my ass, well not on my ass...you know what I mean! I went to a pilates class once with a friend and almost got thrown out. It's not my fault when I start to giggle I find it very hard to stop ok!

I'm not lazy though. I have a lot of nervous energy and I very rarely sit still. I also walk to and from work as often as possible - this is a good half hour march either way with a big hill involved. It's me time with my ipod and the sun rise and I write so many stories in my head - all to be forgotten of course but it's fun never the less.

But one thing I have always wanted to do....is to ride in the tunnel of a wave.

Gorgeous Pretty Things

2012-02-02T02:10:00.000-08:00

Who doesn’t need Gorgeous, pretty things in their life?

Ok I might hear some men saying nope….but think about it – what would your girlfriend/wife or future love of your life like? Yep you guessed it – gorgeous pretty things!
And there are plenty of those to be found at www.gorgeousprettythings.co.uk
Jude Wakefield is the founder and maker of all things gorgeous on this site.

There is something for all occasions ranging from necklaces, gold and silver earrings, and bracelets and if you like the idea of something and you ask nicely Jude might even make them for you! Due to the techniques used to make many of these items, they will in fact be one offs.
All are affordable and gorgeous and with Valentine’s Day approaching…either as gifts to buy or subtle hints to drop, please check out www.gorgeousprettythings.co.uk

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I shall begin....

2012-02-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

Another picture I found that I love and tried to make it speak a thousand words.

She pushed the shutters open – the breeze gently picking up her hair and making it dance around her face. She looked out towards the sea, mesmerised by the glistening and sparkling of the suns reflection bouncing along the top of the waves.
She could feel the salt gently seep into her skin; she could feel her hair start to wave.
Above all she felt happy.
It had taken a long time to get here.
Blood, sweat and tears and all the favours she could muster up.
Now she felt like her life would finally be hers. Here she felt she could finally be the person she had been trying all those years to be but hadn’t had the confidence.
‘Goodbye London, hello life.’ Rosie called out to the sea, letting the sea breeze carry her words away.
Across the bay a young man called Dan looked up towards the cottage, he could just make out the shutters were open. He waved. He didn’t know if Rosie could see him down here.
Rosie smiled and waved back. It was as though the breeze had carried her words across to the bay.
‘I love you.’ She shouted out to Dan. Hoping he could hear or feel it in his heart.
They had lived in London a long time, struggling through the hustle and bustle with very little money. They’d been tested time and time again. Landlords neglecting their little home until it came to rent raise day.
Their jobs were nice and pleasant and fun but the pay reflected the fact they were sought after jobs. They made ends meet as best they could, wanting for little but not really able to afford a lot.
Fancy meals out where not on the cards. Their own transportation a thing of dreams. A little house to call their own was something they could only talk about. Life felt restricting and it had started to get to Rosie. Dan had felt it for years but had thought Rosie was free in London and never wanted to be the one to clip her wings.
He looked back up at the cottage longingly. He loved that girl but he didn’t think he’d ever be able to let her know how much. She had a habit of not believing him anyway.
But they had finally talked.
They realised they had both wanted the same thing. They had both wanted a way out. A new start.
So they took it. They embraced their dreams and flew with them.
It was a gamble and one they were still not sure whether it would land them in the red or the black but they had decided it was better to regret something they had done than something they hadn’t done. It would be a tale to tell if nothing else.
They had worked out the savings they had which had been enough to put down a deposit on a tiny little cottage, it was not their own, it was still only a rental but the landlord had said they could decorate it to their tastes and have it on a long term lease. This was perfect as they had some freedom but without the commitment until they knew if this was where they should be.
Dan had moved down first whilst Rosie tied up any loose ends in London. They had spent more than they should have on moving but had paid for a proper team to come in and take control – there was no way Rosie was going to run up and down the stairs that many times ever again, moving in had been horrible and they had accumulated so much ‘stuff’. All ‘stuff’ that couldn’t be thrown away of course.
Dan got a job as the local post man quite quickly – the hours were a bit erratic but he liked that, it also had helped him get to know some of the locals. This had led to him hearing about a little office job going – perfect to help Rosie move down and look for something else. And here she was, she’d found the move easy. She thought it would break her heart to leave London but she was so happy by the sea. This view alone would keep her going for years.
She’d made sure all her friends had her new address and promises had been made to visit her soon and with the friends she had these days she knew the words were true.
They had little money left over once they’d paid their bills and their rent – pretty much the same as when they were in London. They still couldn’t afford their own car but instead they had bought two push bikes and were loving riding around town, getting fit, and just exploring somewhere new. Their neighbour had called round the first day they had both moved in and bought them some milk and home-made cookies. The local shopkeeper had given them a bottle of wine and Dan’s new boss had given them a little hamper which they thought they would take up to the cliff at the weekend and have a picnic and toast their new life.
Already there was a spring in their steps that they hadn’t had in London. So life had toned down even more than before but they finally were starting to feel there was a community here. People were friendly. People remembered your name.
Rosie leant out of the shutter window and gazed out again at the sparkling dancing waves below. She looked over towards the bay where the little spec that was Dan could be seen. She blew him a kiss and looked to the sky and smiled.
Dan looked over towards Rosie and packed up his things. He wondered if she had been able to see the little puppy at his heels that he’d just picked up for them. All had been Okayed with the landlord this was the final little surprise for Rosie and their new life.

SO I put my money where my mouth is.

2012-01-31T06:32:00.000-08:00

I said a picture could speak a thousand words so that's just what I did on my lunch break.

She came running out of the woods and stopped. There in front of her was a tea party. A bit like you’d imagine a mad hatters tea party. There were books hanging from trees. Really posh candlesticks with fresh candles haphazardly pushed into the holders. The table was laid out but something wasn’t right? Something about it looked bare! There were flowers a plenty – freshly cut and smelling divine…..but where was the food? And where for that matter were the guests?

She wondered if she’d arrived too soon, and the surprise party for whoever hadn’t actually taken place yet.

Why were there books hanging from the trees. She tip toed over and took at peak in the first book she came too. She wondered if there was any correlation to where the book had been tied – was it acting like a book mark? She peered into each one slowly reading. They all seemed random. Nothing stood out to her. But then she didn’t know who had laid out this foodless feast, how could she expect to be able to find meaning in their work? Maybe that’s what it was? Maybe it was just a piece of art?

No, that didn’t seem right. She looked again at the table and noticed some chairs had been pulled out or maybe not quite fully pushed back in. Someone had been here. Maybe many!

She searched the plates for signs of food but found nothing. This was definitely a party that hadn’t quite got under way.

Each plate had a little favour on it. Something woodlandy like it had been made from things that had been found, someone had gathered up leaves and twigs and acorns and made little table settings. It really was quite lovely.

She sat down and picked up a glass, she sniffed inside but couldn’t smell anything. She let her tongue slowly stick out; finding its way to the glass, she gave it a quick lick. Nothing.

She picked up the teapot. Now this was full, she poured a little into the glass but it just appeared to be water. She set the teapot down with a bang. Disappointed. What was this and who was it for? She thought she heard a twig snap and spun around in her seat to see who was there. She peered and stared towards the trees, she peered so long she couldn’t be sure if she could see someone moving about or if it was her eye sight playing tricks on her.

She looked back down at the table. It was then she noticed the table cloth was actually made up of pages of a book, scattered around but somehow staying together. She looked up again at the books. Staring for ages, hoping something would jump out at her. Eventually she got up and started to look through the books again – it was then she noticed that they were all written by the same author – someone she had never heard of before. She flicked to the front of the book and then to the back but there was no authors note, there was nothing about the writer inside, she turned a few pages to look at the dedications but they were just in the first name – it didn’t give anything away, I mean how many Kate’s and Luke’s were there……..

Walking slowly around the table letting her hands reach out and touch, or move anything they felt like. She pretended to look absorbed in what she was doing but every now and then she would look up to see if anyone was around. Part of her wanting to get caught and the other part of her ready to spring into action and run away the moment anyone came near.

She sighed loudly, threw herself back down into a chair. She reached out for the glass that contained the clear liquid and took a sip, she grimaced, it was sweet, but very, very strong, almost syrupy, some form of schnapps. She placed the glass back down and picked up the next pot to see if there was anything in there. Inside were lovely little pastel shapes, sugared almonds, she didn’t care for them but thought they looked pretty, in fact, she couldn’t think of anyone she knew that actually ate them.
She leant back in her seat again and picked up the book nearest to her and began to read….

‘He knew he loved her but how was he going to tell her that it was over? How could he tell her that his parents had said that it was her or the rest of his life? They wouldn’t be paying for him to go to music school and would stop the rent on the flat that he had, his only bit of independence but it was still bought for by his parents…..’ she flicked on a few more pages, ‘he watched the tear fall slowly from her eye, gently snaking towards her lips, it sprang into a pool as it reached them, he reached out and wiped it away. He’d given up everything for her and here she was telling him it was over…after all this time….after all they’d been through and she’d met someone else. Of course she hadn’t told him that but he knew…..in his heart he knew…….he looked at her tear on his finger….’ She gasped as something caught her eye….she ran as fast as she could not daring to look at who or what it was behind her.

Two people jumped down from the tree laughing, they’d been watching her for ages trying not to laugh. They’d come out to the woods to celebrate their signing up to an agent. They’d been writing books together for years but had only just had the courage to put the work out there. They sat down to carry on the celebration.

The girl arrived home out of breath, book still in hand, she curled straight up on the doorstep and began to read.

Another place I want to live.

2012-01-31T03:39:00.001-08:00

The sky is so moody and the water so dark it could be menacing but there is something so warm and welcoming about the house - I think I'd love it to be my place to write!

Pictures can speak a thousand words....

2012-01-31T03:37:00.001-08:00

I love this picture - there is something fun and innocent about it. It makes me want to write a story just so I can use it as a cover. It sets my imagination free. If a picture can speak a thousand words - I might challenge myself to do just that......

Book art

2012-01-31T03:36:00.001-08:00

There is so much book art out there these days - I hate to see a book destroyed but some of the carvings and pictures taht are being made are lovely - and here is one that is one of the best - looks beautiful to me!

I want to buy one of these for everyone!

2012-01-30T09:07:00.001-08:00

If I only had a little pot of gold...

2012-01-30T04:16:00.000-08:00

...I would want these for my house, in my house and around my house!

Remember to look up....

2012-01-29T08:17:00.000-08:00

...just never with your mouth open if birds are around!!!

In London especially it's easy to get lost in the whirl of that sheep like, robotic commute to work - always in a hurry to get nowhere fast, walk along with your elbows out and grunt and snarl at anyone that looks your way. Your head down and your London march at the ready and hurry hurry hurry until you get to your chosen location.

I hate how people end up so impolite and lost in their own world that they have no spacial awareness of anything at all and worst of all - especially in London when it's such a pretty city - they forget to look up!

Always remember to look up!!!

I live my life just like her.

2012-01-29T08:10:00.001-08:00

Inside a bubble!!!!

Failure's not flattering

2012-01-29T08:06:00.000-08:00

This makes me think of how I always say live with no regrets. We are human and we will mess up and we will sometimes make choices that we look back on and we wonder what the hell was wrong with us. But you can't change those things so why waste precious time worrying about it. You have only failed if you do not learn anything from it. Treat it all as a learning curve and sometimes the lesson is a litlte harder than others but learn something from it all the same, then no opportunity that you have taken will be a wasted opportunity. Some things don't make sense straight away - but just let it be. As I say we all make mistakes - it's what you do about it that determines whether you have failed or not. And don't they say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. You could live a very safe life where you won't get hurt but your life will be as dull as dishwater. So take a gamble and give something a go - if it doesn't work out the way you hoped you might find it works out even better - or at least it's better to have tried a something and not have had it go the way you wished than to never try and regret that for the rest of you life! Think about when you are old - wouldn't it be better to talk about the times you messed up where you can laugh about it and tell your grandchildren all the tales of the things you did or you could sit there regretting all the missed opportunities. Life is for living - so you really should live it....and live it with no regrets!

Did you even know what you really wanted in the first place?

2012-01-28T02:39:00.001-08:00

It's true isn't it? Human nature can be amazing but also so, so dumb.

Take house hunting for example - you can tell someone exactly what you want but end up buying a property that is nothing like the spec' you gave out.

It's the same with relationships isn't it.

Even if we don't mean to we can end up with this ideal in our head. And yet seem amazed when the real world doesn't deliver.

A friend of mine has been single for the past few years and feels that each relationship should be like the best romance story ever, that is should bowl you off your feet.

I hate to be the one to tell her that 'Happy ever after' only exists in fairytales. Stories. That wonderful magical place called 'Make Believe.'

It doesn't matter who much you wish for your prince charming or how much you think you deserve it there really is no such thing as the 'perfect' man or woman.

We all have flaws, that is what makes us human, it is also what makes us unique, so it doesn't have to be seen as a bad thing.

A friend almost broke up with her long term partner and everyone was gob smacked. We all decided that no matter how perfect something seems on the surface you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Suddenly my friend did a u-turn. Thankfully she'd never expressed her thoughts of calling time on her relationship to her boyfriend. One day she'd woken up and realised it wasn't him that was the problem, it was her. All her life, well since she could remember being interested in the opposite sex anyway, she had this list of the perfect man. All she could focus on was the things on the list her boyfriend did not have. But she was forgetting about all the things on the list he did have. She readjusted her thinking and realised that her boyfriend was as close to her perfect man as she was probably ever going to get and she suddenly started to notice all the things he did for her, all the things she loved about him. She realised she had to start focusing on what she had, rather than what she hadn't.

That's a great view for life in general. There will always be someone who appears better off than you.
But it's also true that money doesn't buy happiness - we think it buys peace of mind but have you seen those (w)bankers pacing the streets in their lunch breaks with two phones on the go and chain smoking furiously - there is nothing peaceful about it.

Sometimes the more money you have the more debt you have because you have these ridiculous standards you feel you have to live up to - that certain things are expected of you - that you must be this that or the other - suddenly you start to feel good about not being in that position - because you feel more free.

I agree a little more money would always come in handy.....but happiness is found in the weirdest of places. Just like love.

If you force it - it either won't happen or what you get will not really be what you wanted but you can fool yourself for years.

Mr or Mrs Perfect does not exist but the right person for you does.

You might already have met them and not know it. You might be blissfully aware that you have it. You might still be looking.

I think the secret is not to obsess on the things you don't have in this life and just be really grateful for the things that you do. If your house is small and ramshackle - it is still a roof over your head. If your bank balance is always looking more red than black realise that at least you are not starving. If you have one amazing friend but spend much time alone - be grateful for that one amazing friend you have - some people that seem so popular have no one when it really counts. Don't judge by others standards - we are all born different for a reason.

Live life with a smile where possible, with your eyes wide open and a little grace in your heart. Focus on what you have and not on what you haven't.

It changed my friends life - she's blissfully happy with the man she's been with for years. All that changed was her focus.

Snow is falling...all around....

2012-01-28T01:55:00.001-08:00

Well Ok not quite....yet but I hear it will on Monday and I am stupidly excited about this.
Last year we had a white christmas and you can't really get more magical than that!

This year it's not been so cold which is a bonus but that does mean it's been more rainy which is a bit meh - it just makes you not want to go out or do anything.

When it rains I still have to go to work - so I get to listen to the world and its dog have fun outside - but I don't get too bitter - I just get up early and I run around putting my fresh foot prints in the snow - then I go to work and let the world take over. All around you instead of angry shouts and car horns, you can hear families out, playing, laughing - it's rather delightful to be so frightfully British for one moment.

Everywhere sparkles and glistens - like a giant glitter pot has been spilt all over. Little snowman, big snowmen...slightly deformed snowmen pop up everywhere. Icicles point their fingers down and sometimes they caputre a rose bud inside or make little alien faces and hands.

Everywhere becomes truely magical.

But then I want it gone - no one likes slush and mean drivers who go too fast into it to get you dirty and wet.

So come on snow fall - then go - just leave me like a bad date!!!

Sometimes when life gets you down.....

2012-01-27T05:51:00.000-08:00

All you need to do is look at baby animals to smile again ;o)

For Lord and Lady Bagshot with love.

2012-01-27T04:01:00.000-08:00

Today I had some horrible news.

One of the nicest, kindest people I know that is one half of the sweetest couple ever………is in hospital right now having had a tumour removed from his spine.

He’s been to the doctors and sought other medical advice and all this has been missed and he’s been bed bound wondering why he was not getting better.

Well, the tumour has been removed and thank god the surgery did not cause him to lose the use of his legs or any of those high risk things. Now they have a long and lonely wait to find out if the tumour is cancerous or not. I don’t normally pray but I will be tonight!

All too often – for reasons I am not sure about – patients are being dismissed from the doctors. It’s about time that it was taken into note that if someone rarely goes to the doctors it’s got to be pretty darn serious when they do. If doctors time is too pressed then something needs to be done.

There is room for a huge rant about all things connected with people being taken seriously but it’s almost by the by.

I get so disillusioned by this world sometimes. By life! It doesn’t really play ball very well does it? I mean, so many nice people get a world of shite thrown at them and then you can see some right little scuz buckets walking around with everything seemingly going right for them. It just doesn’t add up to me. I’m not wishing anyone bad, but sometimes I don’t get the ratios that life plays with.

All I can think is that things happen for a reason and it might just take a while to realise why things have happened and to hope that all works out for the best. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people all the time – I don’t get it but I am trying to learn.

I'll catch you somewhere at the end of the rainbow!

2012-01-26T06:25:00.000-08:00

Some days, most days, ok, nearly every night, I have trouble sleeping.

I don’t try to worry or stress or anything like that but my head just won’t stop it’s natter.
Ok please be aware I do not have voices like that I just mean my head kicks in. I enter this awake but not quite fully state where I write entire songs, lyrics, drums, guitar everything…it’s all there in my head but pooof it’s gone when I wake up…no time to find a pen or Dictaphone. The same happens with stories, I am always writing stories in my head – whilst I am out walking, trying to sleep……..it’s relentless….but in a really fun creative way – I just wish I could be as good when I am awake.
The only thing with this is that sometimes you can have the most vivid dreams – so real you are not sure if they happened. Did that person really say that to you? Did you really just win a ride on a unicorn? Is your house really now up in the clouds?

Waking up can sometimes end up disappointing as I go to reach for the lovely new dresses I think I have but alas they are not there. I reach for a mirror to check out my lovely clear sparkling skin and glossy hair but alas just little old me looks back, complete with bed head. I go outside thinking that ok maybe the unicorn won’t be there, but surely the pumpkin coach will be, I can’t have dreamt up both, can I! Or can I?

But imagine waking up in this bed every day – you couldn’t be sad could you!

(OK there is a slim chance you will dream about being eaten alive but at least it’s a rainbow doing the damage!)

Oh it could be so perfect

2012-01-25T06:33:00.000-08:00

Just tell me this isn't the best form of transport...ever!

And this is surely the best curtain to have ever been made.

This is fast becoming my favorite chair - hasn't quite stollen the place of the revolving circular one but this is pretty special.

And the best kitchen....even I might cook in there!

These are wonderful - although they do bring in me a desire to pick one up and let it go to see what happens!

This is the sort of lounge I have dreamed about my whole life.

And what a bedroom. *sigh*. I wonder if I smile REALLY sweetly at my boyfriend, I wonder if he'll sort out this dream for me?

Rookie Mag

2012-01-25T02:04:00.000-08:00

I know Rookie Mag is an online mag for teenage girls but let's be honest here - how many of us feel like a fully fledged adult - like ever? And the issues that effected you as a teen or pre-teen still rear their head every now and then - well far more often than we like. You then beat yourself up for not being more together, and being a strong confident woman. Well being a strong confident woman is a bit about being a strong confident woman, a bit about knowing your demons and not to be afraid to keep addressing those demons until they become more friendly and it's also a little about faking it. The most confident person in the world will still have moments where they feel a wreck and don't you believe the media when they try to tell you otherwise. In fact, whilst we are on that subject - maybe don't believe the media on most things!!!

But here's a great article about How to not care what other people think of you - it's mostly aimed at teenagers but I bet you can still find something you relate to in it.
http://rookiemag.com/2012/01/how-to-not-care-what-other-people-think-of-you/

Linda Gillard Interview about the switch to Kindle and writing her award winning books

2012-01-24T11:20:00.000-08:00

I stumbled across Linda by accident, I found a book called Star Gazing and decided to take a gamble. Linda's writing style draws you into the books so quickly, if ice cracks, you can feel it, when she describes food cooking, it's as though you can smell it. The world of publishing is changing hugely and Linda herself, has recently switched to self publication on the Amazon Kindle. Read on for Linda's thoughts and reasons about this and to find out more about what inspires her to write.

LINDA GILLARD – Q & A

How did you feel about ebooks when they first came out? If you didn't like them, what changed your mind about them?

As a reader, I wasn’t all that interested. I was running out of shelf space for books, but I thought I’d hate reading on a screen (especially as I spend my working life reading words on a screen.) But once I’d decided to publish an ebook I bought a Kindle because I thought I ought to understand how they worked. Much to my surprise, I found I not only enjoyed reading on a Kindle (it’s not back-lit, so it’s not like reading on a screen), I read faster. (I think that’s because larger fonts are kinder to my eyes.)

The other thing I loved was being able to download samples. That facility has made me more selective about what I buy, but more adventurous in what I try. I’ve stepped outside my genre comfort zone because ebooks are so cheap and you can sample them at your leisure.

Briefly describe the process of self publishing?

My publisher dropped me after my third novel, STAR GAZING. I wasn’t alone. Publishers reacted to the recession by dropping their mid-list authors to focus on big earners and first time novelists (whose books are easier to promote.) My agent tried to sell my next two books to other publishers, but she had no success. Editors liked them, but said they’d be hard to market because they belonged to no clear genre. (Which was true.)

But I had a substantial following and fans kept emailing me, asking when the next novel would be out. It was heart-breaking! So as my agent had given up trying to sell it, I decided to indie-publish one of my rejected novels on Kindle.

I e-published HOUSE OF SILENCE for my fans, but it quickly took off and became a Kindle bestseller. It’s sold 16,000 downloads in nine months and was chosen by Amazon as one of their Top Ten “Best of 2011” in the Indie Author category. So I’ve found a whole new readership and now have a guaranteed market for anything I e-publish.

What are the pros and cons in your opinion?

The pros… I love having complete artistic control (and the success of HOUSE OF SILENCE suggests I know what I’m doing.) I don’t have to sign up for a 2- or 3-book contract and there are no deadlines. I can now write what I want, when I want, how I want, without being told to dumb the book down or change a character’s behaviour. I can also choose a cover I like. (Two of my three paperbacks were saddled with unappealing covers.)

I’m making much more money with ebooks. Even though I’m only charging £1.80 for my most expensive ebook, I’m making more per download than I did out of the sale of a full-price paperback. (Most of the cover price of a tree book goes to the retailer and publisher. The author’s share is tiny.)

My ebooks won’t go out of print after a couple of years and will continue to earn for the foreseeable future. This is one of the reasons some successful authors are going indie. With traditional publishing most books have a shelf-life of a few years at most. Ebooks earn for ever.

The cons… Obviously the main disadvantage to indie e-publishing is you don’t have a hard copy of your book, which means you don’t get to do author events in book shops or libraries, so there are fewer opportunities to meet readers. A lot of people don’t have an e-reader, so they can’t read your books unless they’re prepared to read on a PC, phone or other device. So I’ve lost some of my readers and had a few disgruntled emails, complaining that my new novels are only available as ebooks. I’ve had to explain it’s the only cost-effective way I can make them available.

You have to do all your own publicity, but my experience is, even when you have a publisher, you’re still expected to promote your books and organize publicity for them. (Most authors moan that their publishers do very little to market their books once the launch is over.) Publishers have to market books to retailers (which increasingly means supermarkets), but I can market directly to readers and I know what they like. So although I now have sole responsibility for publicity, it’s easier. I’m not trying to persuade minor book festivals to give me a slot; I’m trying to persuade readers to take a chance on a new author for less than £1.

Until recently I would have said one disadvantage is that, as an indie author, you’re unlikely to sell translation rights to your ebooks (a significant source of income), but my agent has just sold two of my indie ebooks to Turkey, so that’s another barrier down!

How do you self promote?

I’ve spent a lot of time promoting my books – time I’d obviously rather spend writing. You have to find a balance.

I have an extensive website and I’ve also found my Facebook author page really useful. It leads to interaction with readers, which gets people talking. I can’t be bothered to Tweet and I don’t have a blog, but I guest on other people’s blogs all the time and I’ve joined in discussions on many book forums. Participating in those takes time, but it’s fun and good for building up a following. Readers who are active on one book forum tend to be active on several and the best way to sell a book is not a recommendation from the author, but an enthusiastic recommendation from a reader.

But over the years I’ve come to the conclusion that 90% of what you do as self-promotion is a waste of time: sending out press releases no one reads, doing library talks or bookshop signings attended by a handful of people. But about 10% of what you do is really valuable, you just don’t know which 10%! For example, I got chatting (as an author) with someone on the Read It, Swap It forum and she turned out to be a moderator for the Outlander (Diana Gabaldon) Book Club forum and she invited me to join in as a participating author in their Book of the Month discussion. One thing often leads to another, but you just can’t predict it.

What would your advice be for a total novice thinking about self publishing on Kindle?

It isn’t difficult to e-publish but if you’re a new author or not confident with social networking, it will be harder to make a success of it.

Developing a following and creating a buzz are essential. My healthy ebook sales were the culmination of six years’ interaction with readers on the internet. When it came to publication day for HOUSE OF SILENCE, we had an impromptu launch party on Facebook. My lovely, loyal readers bought the ebook, Tweeted, and blogged, so it was selling in a matter of hours.

But the vast majority of self-published ebooks don’t sell. A striking cover will give you an advantage and it must work as a thumbnail. It must also give an indication of genre and look professional. I paid a professional to design all of mine and consider it money well spent.

Price is crucial. Remember, you’re competing with a lot of free books, so look at what’s selling in your genre and note the price of the competition. There’s no point in charging more – you just won’t sell. You can always put your price up if you start to sell in quantity. That looks better than taking it down! Three of my e-books are less than 90p. I don’t know how an unknown thinks s/he can put a book on at £2.99 and expect it to sell.

You need an enticing synopsis on your product page and it mustn’t be too long. When I e-published, I knew an odd mix of genres didn’t mean my novel was uncommercial, simply tricky to market, so I went with the genre mix and created tag lines for my ebooks that told readers what they were getting. This seems to have worked! Many people told me they clicked on HOUSE OF SILENCE because I described it as “Rebecca meets Cold Comfort Farm” – two very popular books. I describe UNTYING THE KNOT as “Four Weddings and a Funeral meets The Hurt Locker” which gives you an idea of the roller coaster read it is.

Do you think you will ever go back to the more traditional methods of publishing?

Well, I’m open to offers! But author advances have been cut and publishers are struggling to survive. They can’t afford to be generous, nor do they have the publicity budget to promote relative unknowns. (For some reason publicity budgets are mostly spent on authors who already sell, not new or mid-list authors.)

It would be nice to have a hard copy of my ebooks, but I’m not desperate to get books out there with my name on. Been there, done that. Getting the stories out to as many readers as possible is what I want to achieve now and I think ebooks are the best way to do it. I can be fairly sure that a new ebook will sell thousands in a year. No publisher could guarantee that, so it’s hard to see what they could offer me now.

You have written quite a number of books now, how do you get your inspiration?

My ideas for books always start with a character – usually people who have questions attached to them…

Why did a woman run away from her old life to live alone on a bleak Hebridean island? (EMOTIONAL GEOLOGY)

What sort of man chooses bomb disposal as a career? And what sort of boy becomes that man? (UNTYING THE KNOT)

What would it be like to be blind? And how do you date? (STAR GAZING)

HOUSE OF SILENCE began with a story my mother told me about my grandmother. It lodged in my brain for years until eventually I decided to explore it and work out an alternative scenario.

I hate synopses and I don’t write them unless an editor insists. I think they’re counter-creative. Usually when I start, I don’t know how a book will end. (I didn’t know until quite late on which guy the girl would end up with in HOUSE OF SILENCE.)

I just start with a situation and I write to find out what happens! I think if I knew the story in any great detail, I probably wouldn’t bother to write it. I’d get bored.

Briefly describe your writing process?

It depends what stage I’m at with the book. In the early stages I might just sit and scrawl 5-10 pages of very rough draft. (I draft in pencil on lined A4. I can write straight onto the screen but I think I write better – or perhaps I mean think better – in longhand.) Then I’ll feel a bit tired and do something else, but I’ll still be thinking about the book. Later I’ll spend hours typing that up, printing it out, editing it, then printing it out again, then editing again… and so on. Sometimes I wonder if there’s a word of my original draft left!

By the time I’m two-thirds of the way through a novel, I’ll be putting in very long days at my desk because I need to enter the world of the book and stay there.

If I feel as if I don’t want to write a particular scene, I just don’t. (If I don’t want to write it, no one’s going to want to read it.) You don’t have to tell the entire story. I think books that tell you everything, in sequence, are like watching paint dry. I try to follow Elmore Leonard’s advice to writers: “Leave out the boring bits.”

Any last advice for any budding writers out there?

Writing professionally is hard work, emotionally, mentally and physically and the financial rewards are generally pitiful. Being constantly rejected is depressing. You put on weight sitting at a PC all day and in winter you get cold, regardless of the number of layers you wear. Novelist Robertson Davies said, “There is no point in sitting down to write a book unless you feel that you must write that book, or else go mad, or die.” That’s the only reason to do it. Because you have to.

If you’re determined to write, decide what you’re going to give up to make time to write. I gave up housework and watching TV. (Am I the only person in the UK who’s never seen BIG BROTHER or STRICTLY?...)You could get up an hour earlier. That’s how many people get a book written.

You must write for writing’s sake. Don’t expect publication or financial reward. Statistically speaking, you’re unlikely to get either. When you feel angry about your unsolicited manuscript being rejected, just remember, nobody asked you to submit it.

Don’t think of becoming a professional writer unless you actually like the idea of spending part of your working day promoting your work in a decidedly un-British way. That’s what authors have to do now, so park your modesty at the door, believe in your product and sell it.

Good luck!

Linda Gillard

HOUSE OF SILENCE
Kindle bestseller & Editor's Pick for Kindle's Best of 2011

A LIFETIME BURNING
New on Kindle

STAR GAZING (Piatkus paperback & Kindle e-book)
Shortlisted in 2009 for Romantic Novel of the Year & the Robin Jenkins Literary Award

Winner of Favourite Romantic Novel 1960-2010

The links below will take you directly to the amazon kindle store for each book where you can read the rave reviews that each book has been given.

EMOTIONAL GEOLOGY

UNTYING THE KNOT

HOUSE OF SILENCE

STAR GAZING

A LIFETIME BURNING

Thank you to Linda for a really insightful interview and long may her success as an author continue. I for one cannot wait to read her next offering.

Eciting news for authors, writers and book lovers!

2012-01-24T02:28:00.003-08:00

So...all you book lovers and budding authors out there please watch this space.....amazing interview with the award winning author Linda Gillard due to be published on my blog this week....it's definitely worth the read.

Feeling inspired

2012-01-21T11:45:00.000-08:00

I don't make new years resolutions as I don't think anyone sticks to them. And if I want to do something, I want to do it! I also don't want to have to wait until the start of the year to always do something. It's daft anyway as realistically who has much energy in January!?!

I think 5 years of being very inactive due to my health has given me all the motivation I need to get up and out there and to start living life and doing things that I want to do and not be concerned about what others think or whether it makes me look cool. It's about whether it makes me happy. This in turn will fill my life with lovely things and aleviate stress as a by product - or at least that is the plan.

Today I had my first piano lesson. On a baby grand - which I was a little too excited about. I have a little musical ability as used to play the flute but this is going to be a big challenge for me and I hope I make it, without annoying the neighbours too much!

I have also, finally, set up a book club. It's called the Bookish Club and we will be having our first meeting soon and I am pretty excited about this. There are a lot of book clubs out there that can be a bit too rigid and I want this one to be a nice chilled out environment where we can discuss books and life. It's for local people so I can do my little bit in helping to build something of a mini community in London - as it's something that is seriously lacking here. London has so much but community - not so much!

My sewing machine is also out of the cupboard and rarring to go - I have a giant bag of fabric and I hope to create me some lovely dresses. I am very much a beginner but I've already had a dress in a shop window....oh OK I confess I gave some to the charity shop to see if they would sell! I also had a costume designer mistake one dress I made as a Biba dress - talk about flattered, I know this was more about my choice of fabric than my skill with the needle but hey you gotta start somewhere.

I have one book completed 'Wish You Well' and another on the go it's exciting. I don't know why I waited so long to write but I am loving it so much. If only there were more hours in the day. I am a complete novice to this and have no clue where to go next but seeing as I am having fun I think that is the main priority dealt with.

In between all this I have started to walk wherever I can. (nothing to do with how much I ate over christmas you understand.....) It's a great way to feel at one with nature - which I know sounds totally hippyish but it's so nice to notice all the lovely little things around you that you wouldn't normally even see let alone pay attention to. This also helps me partake in another of my favorite past times - photography. I once dreamt about having my own darkroom - but with the very sad demise of Kodak I think it's going to be digital all the way for me now.

What time I have left I like to read, have long bubble baths and spend time with my loved ones.

Isn't it amazing how much you can get done in 24 hours when you manage your time. I work full time and stil have time to day dream and sit around doing sweet FA. I am trying to make more food from scratch and will even be attempting some more baking soon.

I once thought just going to work then out to a club was taxing on my time. I always seemed to be busy and didn't have the time to do so many of the things I wanted to do yet with a bit of careful planning - look how much more I am cramming in to my 24 hours.

This is not a blog to gloat - as I have a loooooooong way to go in life - but this is a blog to inspire (I hope) and show you that all you need is a the will to want to do something and a dream.

All words and no pictures!

2012-01-19T02:32:00.001-08:00

So – all around me I hear about people struggling to make ends meet. Companies/businesses that have been going for years, that know their customers and are sometimes the only point of human contact for some of the elderly or just plain lonely….well these companies are dying or have gone. People are taking out loans hoping for things to get better but each time they hope the news reports more economic trouble.
It’s being reported that people are having to cut back on food and fuel.
This will lead to an increase of people getting ill and people dying in their cold homes.
When the government has to use public money to issue those over 65 with £100 in the winter to help heat their homes when the energy companies are making millions and billions in profit, well, you start to see just how corrupt this whole system is. Rather than the Government tackle these big companies, they are going to use public money or see elderly people die in their homes as they are too scared to turn their fire on.
Disgusting is the only word that is springing to mind here.
If you take out a loan or borrow money as a human being you expect and will be made to not just pay it back but to pay it back with interest and it would seem the more desperate and skint you are the more you have to pay back.
So why when the banks were in a desperate situation and needed to, HAD to borrow public money they do not even have to pay it back? Let alone with a huge interest attached?
Then to just add salt to the already quite horrible wound – they give themselves bonuses?
Isn’t a bonus an added extra – awarded for doing well?
If you’ve had to have a massive state bale out you really have not done well. Far from it.
When the protests against the bankers happened in London – the public were criticised but the bankers were let off for waving wads of money at the protestors below. It was their fault and that was how sorry they were!!!
It shows a really distorted, childish mentality and they are the people that are technically running the country.
The media choses to put whatever angle and slant on things that they want – keeping the nation in fear because a fearful nation is easy to control.
Poor people are richer in so many ways as it’s been true for centuries that those with little understand the need to share and look out for your fellow man but those that are rich are slightly removed from it all and less willing to dip in their pockets.
Oops was that gross generalisation – well you know what I mean and I think deep down you know that it’s true.
How does David Cameron have a single clue what it’s like for me? He lives in the Cotswolds – a beautiful part of the world and very near to where I grew up. He lives in a place where no one but the super rich and famous can afford to move to anymore. The only other way to get a house there is if you have a relative that has died…or win the lottery – again putting you into the super rich category.
He thinks he understands what it’s like to work full time, to spend 50% of my wages on putting a roof over my head…..then of course we have the soaring costs of transport, something I try not to use now, I am in a situation where I am walking wherever I can so I have some spare cash for other things. Does he ever know what it’s like to see the cupboards bare of food and knowing it’s still 6 days til pay day?
To live in a house that is costing 50% of your salary – that has a hole in the roof, that has a faulty central heating system but I can’t move because I can’t afford anywhere else due to the crazy increases in the rental market. And to buy a tiny flat – well you need a deposit of about £60K and need to have a joint income of £60 – 80K. How the hell is anyone meant to do that in this day and age?
Cameron tells us it’s our fault the economy is failing because we are not going out there and spending. That would be because we all have less money and not only that things are costing more so what little money we have isn’t going as far.
Why not ask the banks to pay back the money they owe? If they feel they can’t afford it – we’ll accept their bonuses as payment – that’s quite ok!
When you hear about a Romanian lady that was turned down for benefits in this country but was then advised to sell the big issue as she would then be eligible for £28K and housing benefit……..making her way richer than me!?!?! All I can say to that is ‘What the fuck!’
When people are squatting in properties owned by people – even lived in by other people and the law says it’s a civil matter and cannot get involved – again all I can say to that is ‘What the fuck!’ how is that not totally illegal?
When a friend had building gear stolen from their front lawn but were told an offence hadn’t been committed because they didn’t class the front lawn of their own property as being secure, that someone coming up to their front door and robbing their belongings is not a violation um sorry but you guessed it, ‘What the fuck!’
Kids are running around so disillusioned by life they are killing each other as though it means nothing. That’s our future.
And people wonder why I am seriously considering not having children. What a ‘gift’ I’d be giving them!
When public money is used the management of it is so outrageously and shockingly bad that I cannot believe my eyes and ears have the time.
When you see in the papers that it cost a hospital almost £500 to have a light fitting done you know that there is again a serious corrupt network at play here. If a business that runs on company money makes a saving then they are awarded less money the following year as they are deemed to not need it. Hardly a reward or encouragement for doing well – so it becomes in their interest to totally fritter money.
This is the major situation causing all our public funded businesses and services to be up shit creak. The management is shocking because the incentives are just not there and not enough is being done to sort it out. Time and time again the general public are asked to step in – well not asked – are made to pay more and get less. Not really a great deal and the feeling of discontent gets stronger as you realise how badly the money is being managed.
Take the situation with the tube – the company responsible for the upgrades ran out of money (mismanagement?) and demanded not just a little more but millions more. They were given it yet still didn’t finish the work and lost the contract leaving the repairs undone and the upgrades updone and never paid back a penny so where did all that money go? Wasn’t that a wise investment.
That is just one example – this happens time and time again when it is public money.
If I performed so badly in my job I wouldn’t have a job and rightly bloody so.
So why is it that this is allowed to keep on happening and has been happening for years?
Corruption?
I suggest Government looks at that and chews it over for a while.
That’s where the answers lie.
But seeing as they are some of the most guilty of this I don’t expect things to change any time soon.
Again – people wonder why I am contemplating not having children and why I feel more and more Grrr these days.

A hippy moment.........

2012-01-14T09:55:00.000-08:00

I was feeling really down yesterday.
I have up and down moments. I think we all do.
I've had a week at home, ill, with just my own thoughts.....it leads to some happy moments but inevitably, being my own worst enemy, I also put myself on one heck of a downer.

My friend Cathy lifted me without even realising it. She said how she felt so blessed as she was in the perfect location to watch the daily ritual the sun has of setting....or something like that, but I am sure you get the idea. I know some of you will think hippy nonsense, but it's true.

Sometimes silence is golden. (As a child if this was ever said I knew I had to run otherwise my older brother would try to fart on my head). Anyway, sometimes silence is golden. Sometimes, i'ts scary, like so loud. The silence can sometimes be deafening.
I guess it's because you can truely hear your own thoughts and worries. We've all bought into this materialistic lifestyle so much taht we don't seem to notice all the hidden free gifts that come with each purchase.

Those little free gifts making us feel like we're not good enough, like we still need more, that we must upgrade, upgrade, upgrade! It doesn't really enrich us, it just makes us feel inadequate, as nothing we have is good enough, there is always something newer to be had.
True beauty and true happiness get lost. We spend our time hcasing this unobtainable dream, which is really a nightmare. If we'd stop being stupid we'd realise true happiness is right there in front of us, right in front of our noses, and you want to know what the best thing is....it's all free......

Story time with Moi

2012-01-14T09:44:00.000-08:00

This might become a bigger story, I am not sure. I was sleeping and woke up, thinking I heard something and wrote this.

I jumped awake. Sitting bolt up right in bed, hitting my elbow on the cabinet. Wincing in pain, eyes alert, I scanned the room. Every shadow seemed right. Didn't it? The more I stared and peered into the darkness, the more the shapes seemed to jump and more. I could feel a chill spreading quickly across my skin. I shivered. Was this from the breeze trickling through the ill fitting windows? My duvet covered skin now exposed to the night air? Or was it something else? I gulped, barely allowing myself the next sentence. Or was it someone else? I started to hum, loudly and out of tune. I realised the sound I was trying to block out was my own internal voice. But external noise was the only way I could attempt to shut myself up. It had failed for the last 26 years of my life. Chances were it would fail me again now.
I screamed. A loud, blood curdling, not just wake the household, but wake the whole neighbourhood too, type of scream. Not that there were many to wake in our lovely exclusive neighbourhood.
I took deep breaths, helping my heart rate slow down. It had only been the lacey voile at the window, rippling in the draft.
My childlike imagination, the only kind available in the night, saw a white, sheet like movement and thought of only one thing.
The theme to Ghostbusters started running through my head, temporarily silencing my voices. 'Temporarily' was the best I could hope for wasn't it? I mean, that's all anything is isn't it? Temporary.
As though spurred on by the word, I reached out my hand, gently caressing the sheet across the other side of the bed. The empty air embraced me back. Temporary. That's all life is isn't it? That's all anything is.......then a hand reached out and covered my mouth........................

Why do we make relationships so complicated?

2012-01-14T09:33:00.000-08:00

I don't believe there is such a thing as a perfect relationship.
It's human nature to get pissed off sometimes.
To feel wound up.
To do the winding up.
There's also a weird irony that the things you found cute at the start, will grate on your nevers as the years go by.
As people you wil grow and change...or at least I really hope that you will......this is a good thing.
With a dose of luck and a big dollop of trying and effort with a side order of communication, you will grow together enough to still have enough in common.
To work together in your own version of harmony.
One major point to remember is to not believe all the hype around ou. By that I mean what you hear and see of other peoples relationships. You never know the full story. The most perfect relationships can be so flawed behind closed doors and sometimes the most unlikely couples can be a match made in heaven behind closed doors.
The major sticking point as to waht will make or break a relationship is communication, as we all know, but respect, for one self and for your better half is absolutely the not spoken about enough ingredient to every successful relationship out there.
Sometimes this is mistaken for grand gestures but honestly, it's the little things in life that speak volumes. The little things can make or break a relationship. Remember that song 'Nothing.'
'Nothing can cause a great big fight.'
Take note people. If someone says nothing is wrong, 98% of the time it means something is majorly wrong.
Compromise is something that exists in every relationship.

The other person should never feel compromised though.
If you say you're going to call......call.
If you say you are going to be 20 minutes, be 20 minutes or call to say you will be later.
If someone is ill, ask them how they are feeling.
If you see someone doing housework and you're just sat there......get off your ass and help.
If someone's had a tough day run them a bath, pay them a compliment, give them a hug.
Do little things for the person you love.

Never ever take them for granted because one day you will be so shocked to find the cupboards empty and them and all their things have gone.
Respect.
Compromise.
Communication.
Little things.
We humans seem to overcomplicate everything.

Simple, easy rules, yet for some reason so many of us get it wrong. 4 things to remember but it's amazing how easily so many of us forget.

Fashion.....why do you think it has to be changed so often!?!?!

2012-01-14T09:17:00.000-08:00

'Fashion is ugly, that's why it changes so often!'

So fashion sold us high waisted jeans/trousers.
And 'we' bought them
Hello to a ten mile butt.
This is no J-Lo butt it is very much a jello looking butt and don't you believe otherwise, even if you are teeny tiny these trousers have the power to make your rear end look HUGE.

Fashion sold us the Gigi bra. Telling us it makes us look sexy. It is old granny tights stretched into a training bra come sports bra. Seamless? No - sexless!!!!

Spanx? HAHAHAHAHA ever thought ballerina turning into hippo in a tutu at the end of the night and that's if you can even get them off. See if you are going out with your partner he should love you warts and all anyway and if you are on the pull is it not going to shock the poor guy when he sees a stream lined woman who is either trussed up in so much armour he doesn't get a look in or you take them off by some miracle and then everything hangs out/down/to the side...........and what about if you need to nip to the loo? You'll be gone ages, leaving all sorts of bad things to the imagination.

Pencil heel shoes with platform fronts....that rock forward? A&E is furious. As is my friends broken leg. They rock alright.....straight down the stairs and into an ambulance.

Mega clutch bags a mm thick. Yep queue repeated popping open spilling your sole £50 note and tampon onto the floor. Nothing else will fit. Good for slapping away unwanted attention though, I guess. But what attention?
Trussed up in your Jello jeans, armoured underwear, sparkly top that takes a degree to work out which is the neck and which is the armhole, big huge fluffy faux fur coat that makes you look mahoosive, hair that is now stuck to your false eyelashes, slowly pulling them off squiffy to land half way up your eye/down your face. Lip stain staining everything but your bloody lips, it will show every attempt you made (and failed) at drawing a little outside the natural lip line so that you have a gorgeous pout but instead will leave you looking like you have a weird cold sore or have been clumsy whilst eating a jam doughnut..................but all in the name of 'fashion' ay kids!!!!

The Children's House of Belsen

2012-01-14T08:49:00.001-08:00

The Children's House at Belsen by Hetty Verolme

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Amazing book!

But what a shame it had to be written.

A part of history that is deeply shocking, even today.

A part of history that sadly is still being repeated today.

Why has the world not learnt? Why has human nature not changed?

Anyway - this book was billed as quite an uplifting story of the Holocaust. I did not believe that there could ever be such a thing. But to be sure, it is.

The horrors are there, but they are not too described, they are not quite gloss over, but it's almost like the author knew we would already know about it all, would already have seen the startling, depressing images of the beatings and the starvation.

This concentrates more on the daily trying to get by, the struggle for food and the closeness of the bonds that are formed between the children.

I normally cry at Holocaust stories, and although this was ultimately sad in places....ok it's horrific and sad full stop but there is a lovely story of survival, of friendship and good triumphing against evil.

View all my reviews

Children of the Flames

2012-01-14T08:48:00.001-08:00

Children of the Flames: Dr. Josef Mengele and the Untold Story of the Twins of Auschwitz by Lucette Matalon Lagnado

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Great book.

Heart breaking.

Disgusting.

But strangely hopeful too.

People got away and survived but alas way too many children were lost.

I cannot believe that Mengele never got caught and I felt quite angry about this but then I realised if he had been caught he would have been hung - with no time given to think about the horrors he did. He lived yes, when maybe he really didn't deserve to but it was maybe karma coming into play that life never really went that well for him again.

This book shows the truely horrific side to human nature, and the courage of those that survived.

View all my reviews

Personally I Blame My Fairy Godmother

2012-01-14T08:47:00.000-08:00

Personally I Blame My Fairy Godmother by Claudia Carroll

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Loved it - nice bit of escapism with some really nice touches to it. Yes chick lit can be very simple but there's something lovely about this book and Claudia's stlyle of writing and there is nothing wrong with escapism. There's a very good and valuable message of giving people second chances and not judging books by their cover in this story too!

View all my reviews

Raspberries on the Yangtze

2012-01-14T08:45:00.001-08:00

Raspberries on the Yangtze by Karen Wallace

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

A lovely little book.

Yeah that sounds patronising.......well, it is a short book, you can read it in an hour or two but it doesn't mean it doesn't have depths.

It's a coming of age story.

Of childhood innocence that I think many city kids have probably never had or will never have again....country kids (like myself) still have a chance.

The ending felt a little abrupt to me, I feel there was more scope in this story - that it could've been a much bigger book but all in all a lovely little read.

View all my reviews

I Heart Vegas

2012-01-14T08:42:00.001-08:00

I Heart Vegas by Lindsey Kelk

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Chick Lit?

Well kindof.

The title of Chick Lit brings to mind ditzy, throw away, stupid........and yes there are surely ditzy moments in this book. A lot of books like this you know things are going to work out but Angela's journey towards things working out are always funny, cringe worthy, disasterous and there are moments they hit home, I don't think it's just me that thinks oops yes, when reading about some of the tales.

Inevitably there is the amazingness that life doesn't rarely offer that even when things go tits up your boyfriend is still beautiful, your friends still rally round, you still seem to find money to do things that even when you are working your guts out you can't afford to do but well, we all need that life relief, that bit of hope......and these books put your faith back in old school romance, in friendship, in laughing, in keeping your dreams alive.

Lindsey is one of the best in this field.

View all my reviews

Eager

2012-01-14T08:38:00.001-08:00

Eager by Helen Fox

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

So this book is about a family and their Robot help.

But there's also a lot more in there.

It's about class differences, class war, the danger of techonology, growing up, life, struggles of parents, struggles of fitting in.

It's a heart warming, lovely story about how being different is actually a good thing and having lots of money does not make you necessarily safe or happy.

See what I mean about children's stories not being bad things to read!!!

View all my reviews

How to Ditch Your Fairy

2012-01-14T08:35:00.001-08:00

How to Ditch Your Fairy by Justine Larbalestier

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I know this book is meant for a slightly younger age group than my own but I have a theory...it's really important to keep your mind young, keep in tune with your own peter pan complex and to have pure escapism, I also think that children's books sometimes have to make a little more effort to keep you engaged.....I could be wrong but that's what I think anyway.

I love the concept of this book. Could it be we all have a fairy or could it be luck? Unluck? Or just the way things go? Could it be fate? But how nice to think it's because you have your very own fairy.

The story pulls no punches but there is some lovely little moments, some lovely observations and all round just a great story. It's not going to change the world in a hurry but it might make one or two people believe in fairies, and that to me is no bad thing!!

View all my reviews

What is attractive anyway?

2012-01-06T06:42:00.000-08:00

What does the word attractive mean?

We are fed a certain image by the media but we all know that’s so not a true representation of what is attainable.

It’s of their interest to make it unattainable as that is what sells.

How many girls get lip fillers?

Did you know that your bottom lip is meant to be quite a high percentage bigger than your top lip! But somewhere we’ve been fed this thing where we have to have lips that really you can only get through an accident (believe me on this one – I popped my top lip open once….) or you go to a doctor.

How many people do you think have had something done to their face to stop the wrinkles? But you do realise that expression is what tells a story, laughter lines are earnt through a life time and that people that have more expressional faces tend to be more popular as it is deemed a frozen face doesn’t express compassion to people.

Don’t we all want to be an individual in some way, shape or form? I understand some go out of their way to stand out but we don’t want to all look like a Gap commercial do we? We don’t all want to look like we are on some conveyor belt, so why are we doing all this stuff to ourselves that makes us end up all looking a little bit too much the same and not even in the mould of a human being – it all starts to get a bit feline after a while.

When did we decide it was ok to inject poison into our faces (without really knowing the long term effects)?

I mean what is attractive anyway?

Is it really being a size 8?

Is it really having flawless unwrinkled umbleamished skin?

Is it really looking forever young and a bit pillow faced?

Is it really having gigantic, unnatural looking boobs?

Or is it someone that is nice, someone who is kind, someone who is comfortable in their own skin?
You can’t help it if you get acne, you wrinkle, or your get stretch marks – those sorts of things are in your genes. You can’t help it if your nose is a little too large, or your hair a little too dry or too bushy. You can’t help it if your feet are a bit too big, or your eyes are not so nice a colour, again these are all down to your genetics.

What you can do is make sure you wear the best clothes for your body and your personality – not what the media tells you is in fashion, I mean have you seen what passes for fashion these days? Someone is having a laugh and it ain’t you!

What you can do is make sure you are nice, charming, witty, funny, interesting and above all to make sure that you stop and listen to people.

So much pressure is put on us to be talkers but really wouldn’t it be vile if everyone just talked all the time, if no one actually stopped to listen.

Silence can sometimes be beautiful you know.

You are what you are and grow to love that.

So what if you are not the most ‘beautiful’ person. Do you not think ‘beautiful’ people have down days?

So what if you are not the life and soul of every party. Do you not know that they are quite often the one’s crying the hardest on the inside.

The popular kid that picks on you, ignores you, ridicules you…..it’s because they are jealous….quite possibly at your freedom for not having to conform, to not having to fit in, to having your own set of rules.

Live. Breathe. Be kind. Be real. Keep your eyes open. Notice the little things. Be true to you!

Just be yourself, everyone else is taken after all.

I always think I am a bit too fat. It doesn’t matter how big or small I actually am, I’ve been 2 ½ stone underweight and thought I was still too fat so I have to realise that is something inside of me.

I always think my hair could be a little better.

I always think my face is a disgrace.

I’ve never felt beautiful in my life.

BUT I do know that I am kind. I do know that I am a good friend. I do know that once I’ve let you in, I will have your back forever. I do know that I can listen….and apparently boy can I talk.

Above all I am learning to accept things about myself.

I still have days where I throw my hairbrush down and curl up in a ball and cry.

But I pick myself up.

I do it for me. I don’t do it for some weird ideal of attractiveness.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

True Beauty comes from within.

Think about those last two sentences next time a magazine tells you that you should be this, that or the other. Think about those last two sentences when someone tries to belittle you and make you not feel good enough.

Look in the mirror and smile, try to be your own best friend.

There are enough people out there willing to drag you down – so don’t do it to yourself as well.

True Beauty comes from within….don’t you forget it.

Community? No, sorry, I don't understand!?!

2012-01-06T02:11:00.000-08:00

Years ago I did the whole Abbey Road thing, walking across it with my friends Grant and Andrew pretending to be some band from years ago. I then took a look at some of the houses around me. I’d heard Bjork didn’t live too far away and that there was quite a bit of money in some parts of that area. I turned around at one point and saw a house that I had to move my head to the left and right round to the right just to see the length of the house and I swear I am only exaggerating slightly. Madness, in London you are talking serious millions for such a thing. I realised though that there was no privacy as all the grounds were exposed. I then laughed at myself – as if that would be a problem if you could afford such a house, you no doubt also had your own island.

Wouldn’t that be great? Your own island. Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis have their own and it’s called ‘Fuck off Island’, I wouldn’t say no……..to the island.

I then carried onlooking around me and saw some really not very well to do people coming out of some huge houses. It made me want to go and knock on the door and ask them how the heck they could afford such a place. I figured the only way I would ever live in one would be to become a live in Nanny for some rich persons brats….sorry….bundles of joy.

This morning on my walk to work I go past some houses that are quite nice. They are nothing special, not too big but I know darn well that they are well out of my price range. I work full time. D works full time, but neither of us are on a typical London wage. Even so…….we still can’t afford much more than a postage stamp sized plot of land, big enough to maybe grow a blade of grass on. Around by me tiny one bedroom flats that don’t even have a separate lounge and kitchen are £350,000 not only is that utterly ridiculous you should see the state of them. Even if I had the money they would not be worth the investment. But someone keeps on buying them.

I know refer to a quarter of a million pounds as not much! Wowsers, how did that ever happen?
Anyway – I was looking at these modest little houses and daydreaming away about how I’d decorate when out pops quite a skanky lady. I hate to bow down to cliché’s but Waynetta slob springs to mind.
How could she afford to be in one of those?

I then rounded the corner where I know the flats on the left are for people on benefits and the housing on the right is for people who are not. The flats on the left had satellite dishes, big widescreen tv’s on the wall and the houses on the right, only one or two did.

Um, what’s going on here? Why are there so many people working hard but getting so little back, struggling. When there are some people doing sweet F.A and way better off (financially) than I ever will be in London?

How is that fair?

How is that breeding happiness and harmony amongst society? How is that teaching children they need to work for the pretty things in life that they want to own?

I see street cleaners. I smile to them. I know that many look down on such people…..but at least they are working!!! Cleaners, every business needs them and you really should befriend them at your work place as they are the people that know everyone and therefore know all the gossip. But so many times I’ve seen cleaners looked down on. At least they are working! I knew a cleaner that would work in a shop first thing, then go on to a hotel where he would get all his food provided for the day. He’d get home mid-evening and relax in his humungous flat in the centre of town. Suck on that one!!!
I maybe draw the line at traffic wardens and debt collectors. I know that we all should work but those jobs must be soul destroying.

Thing is how can we expect children to grow up and be proud of earning the clothes that are on their backs and the food they put on the table. How can we expect them to grow up with respect for their country and the people in it when you turn around and see bankers being so greedy, spending £70,000 on one night out, throwing £50 notes on the floor whilst stupid women scrabble to collect them. How can we expect children to grow up wanting to earn a living and having that sense of pride when you look around and so many that are not working have so much more than those that do. When the housing laws are so crap in this country that if you private rent you get shat all over and end up with bad living conditions and little money in your pocket? Where is the encouragement to make yourself a good human being?

In one job I had, I went to visit a group of kids living in Brixton, we had a really interesting conversation about the estate they live in and some of the things that bothered them about it was quite interesting. They said just because they were young didn’t mean they didn’t care about the places they lived but when the older boys were doing drugs and throwing litter around they realised there was little they could do to stop them so they joined in even though they didn’t like it. They realised the ridiculousness of what they were saying but they also said they weren’t going to change unless the others did as what would be the point? When I went to an estate in Durham I asked some children what they expected when they left school. One said he easily thought he’d get a job for £25K and get a house and a flash car. On an estate in Hounslow I asked one child what he wanted to do when he grew up. He told me he wanted to be a hit man like his uncle as his uncle had women, cars and a house where his brother who worked in a factory had nothing.

Things like that really hit home with me.

It’s time we brought the word community back!!

You like potato and I like potahto...........................

2012-01-05T06:32:00.000-08:00

So Sarah Harding bit her boyfriend and we all have a good laugh.

Or do we!?!

The article about her biting her boyfriend was read out in the staff kitchen, followed by people laughing and words of ‘Loser’ thrown about. As in the man being a loser. Sorry I have no interest in finding out his name.

But I do have much interest in finding out why people think this is funny.
If a man beats up a woman we (rightly) think it’s a bit outrageous.
If a woman beats up a man we (wrongly) think it’s hilarious.

I remember reading a report about a man that was raped at work.
No one would believe it was possible. Male anatomy can still be made to work even if the mind and heart aren’t in it. Women can over power a man. So why was this man not taken seriously?
Why do we find it not such a funny story about Sarah Harding now we find out that she was apparently dragged around the floor by her hair with her face bashed into the floor.
Yeah I’ve heard the jokes about how many people would like to bash her face in and blah blah blah but um let’s just ponder for one moment.

Cheryl Cole beat up a poor toilet attendant but then was ‘allowed’ to become the nations darling. (she was never and will never be a darling of mine.)
How come she was so easily forgiven?

It’s been widely reported that girl gangs are increasingly more violent than boy gangs these days.
There have been shocking scenes of young girls beating men up, even killing them on the streets.
I know of friends mother’s who have been verbally abused by school girls.
Courts will still sentence a woman to a harsher sentence purely because they don’t expect women to behave as bad as men. Not too long ago there was quite a high number of women doing jail time in the UK for unpaid TV license where the number for men was minimal.

On the flip side someone once said to me if a woman punches me in the face unprovoked, I’ll punch her back in self defence. Say I am wrong if you want but I kind of agree. To be totally 100% honest with you I wish there was no violence full stop but self defence is self defence.
Men can be and are abused in relationships too and it’s about time that was taken seriously. The emotional scars from such things run deep and heal long after the physical marks have gone and if society won’t support them then that’s going to make the healing process even harder.

Kate Moss has been known to pack a punch but this is excused because she’s Kate. Why?

If Jamie punched her back wouldn’t the media be up in arms?

I heard a beautiful sentence once, ‘There is no real reason for an adult to shout unless someone’s life is in danger.’ How very true that is. If we are in control of ourselves and our emotions we should be able to express ourselves without screaming and shouting and just waiting for our turn to speak and we should definitely be able to express ourselves without having to hit someone.
I am not trying to quote a Michael Jackson song here but it doesn’t matter if you are black, white, pink, yellow, blue, man, woman, child or elephant. Violence is not wanted round here!!!!

It's raining, it's pouring.....

2012-01-05T04:22:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine complained about all the status updates he’s getting about the weather. What can I say – it’s a cliché but it’s true.

We Brits talk about the weather because we have it.

If you woke up in the morning to 30 degree heat day in day out THEN it would be weird to talk about the weather every day. I’d probably do it but then I’m like that. It’s good to be annoying! It’s a running joke in this country that if you don’t like the current weather just wait 5 minutes!!

I heard an old couple on the train once. The lady turned to the man, who I presume was her husband and stated that it had been raining – he grunted a reply. I thought she was amazingly astute, there was only mass flooding across all the fields we passed. She proceeded to talk incessantly making the same wonderful observations, each one met with a grunt and a ‘yes dear’. It made my train ride amusing. Without talking about the weather it would’ve been another dull boring train journey. I mean what else would old people have to talk about right ;op

If you have met someone a few times but not spoken much the weather is a great ice breaker (see what I did there ‘ice’ weather condition…yeah OK I will stick to the day job……)

There is one other really, really, important reason to talk about the weather.

HAIR!

It’s alright for my shaven headed friend – he doesn’t understand….but I don’t know about you but if I go out in the rain my hair behaves like those magic face cloths, you know those neatly packed tiny little things that you had a little water too and they grow about 50 times their original size? Yeah, you know them, then you know how my hair behaves in the wind and rain.

I tried wearing a hat. No go. You end up with helmet head, which is SO not a look I will ever choose to have, not only that, the hair that was not covered will grow giving a very weird half sleek, half Crystal Tips hair do. Another no go!

Not only that you need to be for warned that it’s raining. Have you gotten on the bus or the tube after a big storm? It stinks of wet dog and old P.E kits. You can also tell who washes their hair and who doesn’t.

Getting caught in a storm is so lovely – as long as you are on your way home. There’s something really great about being rained on. Having a big bubble bath and then snuggling up in doors with your jim jams on and listening to the rain pounding down outside. (Or inside as is the current situation with my flat).

If you are heading out for a night out – your feet get wet – you bag (and its contents) get soaked, your make up runs, if you have hair spray on and you dare to touch the wet hair then you look like you’ve got a terrible case of dandruff.

Again – not a good look at all.

You also need to know if it’s raining so you can run outside and dance through all the puddles singing your heart out…never tried it? You really, really should!

NOW do you see why it’s so important that we talk about the weather!?!

New Years and all that jazz

2012-01-04T04:05:00.000-08:00

So what did you do for New Year?

Do you remember?

Yeah I know – I am writing things arse backwards again – welcome to my world!

I haven’t been out for New Year for the last few years – and I think it’s going to stay that way – when I say not going out I mean not going to pubs and paying to go to a place I’d normally never go to or would go to for free, a place where I end up having to buy myself a tray of drinks (that inevitably get spilt down me) because I know I won’t be able to get to the bar again. Where people will think they can try to grope you because the place is busy, where insecure girls glare at you for breathing near their boyfriends (honey I can tell you now – not interested!)

Instead I opt to go to friends’ houses, to house parties or to chill at home with a chosen few. This way I don’t have that horrible journey home. I love that the tubes are free but eww how much vomit and pee gets deposited on the platforms and in the trains for New Year – shudder.

Every corner seems to be littered with couples breaking up, very few with people making up.

I can leave that thanks very much. Not my idea of fun times.

So this year I went for a walk with D through Queens Wood and Highgate Wood. Stopped off at a café for a very late brunch, it was more like dinea or luntea, or whatever the equivalent of breakfast/lunch is when it’s lunch/tea or should I say evening meal now I am in London?

Anyway, it was lovely. I stopped off at Sainsburys and bought a nice quantity of pink fizzy stuff – all for about the cost of getting into a pub and buying a drink, maybe two, instead I had FIVE bottles ;o)

Over Christmas I’ve gotten to know the rest of the people in my building due to a nice little Christmas party that was thrown so we saw in the New Year with them. Gossip of the night – one of them used to go out with Pete Doherty for 5 seconds when they were knee high to grasshoppers.

I only had to stagger upstairs to bed then too – no long journey’s home for me.

It was 345am and I couldn’t sleep so I put on my headphones and danced around for a few hours. It was fun. And also blocked out the noise of people arguing and throwing up on the street outside.

I made no New Year’s Resolutions as I think things like that just get broken. I quit smoking a few years ago, have no intentions of stopping drinking, could always do with losing some weight but I don’t believe in diets and if I do start to lose weight I get a little too into it and end up super skinny which just means I get every cold going so I figure a little bit more of me to love isn’t all together horrible….I hope. I always want to see more of my friends and do more with my life to keep on living, to keep on breathing, to keep on fighting, to just be. So I don’t need New Year for that. But all the same HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all. And I hope if you made resolutions that you don’t mind if you break them or you are successful in them.

I’m excited to see what this year will bring!!!

So you think money will set you free......................

2012-01-04T02:12:00.000-08:00

I don’t always have the energy for my morning walks but today I did, and I am glad. Not only did I contend with having to make way for a squirrel but it’s half an hour where it’s just me, my thoughts and my ipod. Today’s album of choice was Yuck for anyone who cares to know.

As I was walking along I realised how crisp and clear everything was around me. I had on my scarf and gloves so the cold couldn’t get in to bite me, so it just felt fresh….and quite lovely. As I looked up I could the City in the distance looming over me. It was covered in smog, a yellow/orange hue of their own sweat, skin cells, cigarette smoke and fumes. The city workers, who let’s be fair, those city workers in particular are very much to blame for the economic fuck up facing many of us today. But due to ‘the fear’ of those with the power to make said people pay – they have gotten away with it. Remember the riots, no not those ones in the summer but the ones against the bankers. The protesters were making a valid point and only a few got carried away but did you know the bankers were hanging out of their office windows up in their gold lined towers and waving wads of money at the protesters and laughing. That’s how sorry they were/are.

I thought about how down here I could breathe and see clearly. They couldn’t from those towers in the city. Interesting.

I don’t have anything against anyone with money but I will make a few observations.

You know if you see someone who is beautiful and they don’t really know it – they sort of stay beautiful. If you see someone who is beautiful and they know it they become ugly quite fast. I figure it’s the same with money. If you are rich and act like you are you become quite ugly. If you are rich but don’t act like it (and I don’t mean pretending to be down and out – you are not that daft, you know what I mean) then they stay beautiful.

If you can afford anything and everything at any time you want – where is the fun? I grant you for a few weeks, months even it would be great but years of it? Do you not become jaded? Do you not start doing the things you ‘should’ just to keep up with the competition. Do you not really lose sight and lose your way? How many times have you heard of a poor man shooting his entire family and himself when he’s lost a job? Not anywhere near as often as you hear about a rich man losing his money and doing the same thing. That stuff makes me think quite deeply.

Sure we’d all love a bit more money but they don’t say the ‘trappings’ of fame for nothing. So that brings up another argument doesn’t it? Does money equal fame? Well it shouldn’t but it does start to open a lot of the same doors and in the world of Hello and Ok magazine it does put you on ‘those’ pages. It allows you your own show – god I curse you Kardashians and the like! Anyway, I read a great book, No XAT. Try and find it and if you do please get me a copy. It got taken out of print some time ago. It was my older brothers copy, but someone um borrowed it without consent. Anyway if you can get it read it – it’s interesting. All about the history of money – yeah I know I am not selling it so great now am I. Anyway – you realise the Rothschilds etc, etc, by etc, etc I mean one or two other families – they are pretty much behind everything if you trace it back far enough. All the ruin that they have caused just to keep their pockets lined as deeply as possible, to keep their name up there. Is it really worth it? I am sure to them they think it is. But how much money do you really need? How much until it loses itself and just becomes something that whispers around you, that you never really touch it or feel it. Never again will you feel that sense of joy as you finally save up for that one thing you really wanted, or find that little treasure in the second hand store. I guess the equivalent is when your yacht is finally built or you buy some ridiculous antique? Not quite the same, sorry.

See, I don’t think money is the key to happiness. We’ve been sold that idea and we’ve sucked it up good, but please stop and think. It’s not really making you happy and you are just lining the pockets of the people most of us have grown to not like very much thank you.

So…..surely success then isn’t about what car you have, or whether you work a billion hours a week for a trillion pounds or whether you fanny about kicking a ball about and make a quarter of a million a week – yes Wayne Rooney – you! It’s sick, when there are people starving in this world and some footballer gets paid that – anyway it’s best I don’t get into that one right now, another day, another blog……but money, success……….you can be born into a rich family and have riches and fame from that without having had to do a thing – so how does that make you successful?

We know that certain doors are open if you have the right amount of money in your bank account, or the right surname or have the right friends – but that doesn’t always make you talented. I see really great singers in pubs, destined to not go any further. I know people that are great writers and movie makers that are really struggling whilst those with the right credentials sail on through the gates of Warner Brothers. Does that make them talented? It makes them successful in a way but is it for the right reasons and in the right way? I’ve never dreamed of being rich and famous. I’ve dreamed of being comfortable in terms of money and successful. I feel I am successful. I go to bed each night with a clear conscience. I wonder how many bankers can say that as they look down from their golden towers covered in the smog of their own bullshit.

I have my own little tower – it’s a crumbling little turret in London. But I am free. I don’t just work. I have no competition but myself. My job doesn’t cause me huge amounts of stress, I can do what I want without being too frowned upon because the only standards I have to live up to are my own.

So who is the success? I ask again, what is success?
suc•cess (s k-s s )
n.
1. The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted: attributed their success in business to hard work.
2.
a. The gaining of fame or prosperity: an artist spoiled by success.
b. The extent of such gain.
3. One that is successful: The plan was a success.
4. Obsolete A result or an outcome.

Interesting…..the only one about the artist says something negative ‘spoiled’. The achievement of something desired is a far more lovely way to describe success. If you desire to just get through the day without causing anyone harm or damage and to keep fighting the good fight then you, my friend are a success every day!

Saying too much......A blog about Friends, life and reflecting..or maybe just a giant ramble

2012-01-03T12:48:00.000-08:00

You make gangs, pacts, swap toys, secrets, clothes, even blood. you tell each other stories. You play dress up together. You laugh together, sulk together, daydream together. You make plans about your future together. The men you will marry, starting off with a movie star, getting more realistic as time goes by. You dream about your future pets, the children you will have, what you will call them, and you talk about how you too, like your favourite book characters will be best friends forever and you're children will grow up and marry each other.

There's not questions about what if you don't meet someone? What if you can't have children? What if you move away? Lose touch?

These things are not even an option, not even a thought.

With all the best will in the world, as we grow we will fall out with some good friends, fall into favour with some that aren't so good. Not realise the importance of some friendships and over value some that really shouldn't be given a second thought.

In our 20's we can feel invincible. Our values can be quite fickle. We may have moved on from school friends as we make way for college........promises of staying in touch lying in tatters as life moves on.

Today social networking stops this happening so much. It's so easy to stay in touch. This is a good thing....and bad.

Blogs were not around in my youth, and I am not even 'that' old.

The world is so much more accessible. The world really is at your fingertips. Again this is good....and bad.

We can stay in touch with everyone and anyone. Good influences and bad are right there, available to all.

You can live out a whole life online without even having to leave your bedroom.

People who can't be socially functional in the real world can be witty, popular and insightful online, because you can think before you speak. You can hit delete as many times as you wish. You can lie. You can be anything you want. This can be used for bad, alas.

We run the risk of living too much online though. You can give so much of yourself online. You'll say things you wouldn't necessarily say in person. We can mistake some relationships for meaning more than they should. It also means you can find some wonderful friends you maybe would never cross paths with if it wasn't for emails and social networking. We can show videos online, publish books online, buy and sell pretty much anything online. We can shop online, date online. It's all so amazing.

'Internet sensations' have been found in the blog world.

But.......

We run the risk of having hangers on. Not being able to escape our past. Making mistakes publicly, forever stored online. We can have our identity stolen and lose so much meaning, we end up doing things because it'll be great to post online. We can miss the moment because we are busy reaching for our phone. Miss the real beauty in front of us as we try to take a photo of it. Never getting truly lost in the moment.

I've had friends say my holiday photos posted online don't contain enough pictures of me. Well, 1. I know what I look like. 2. I keep some things private. 3. I don't like having my photo taken.
Blogs, social networking sites and our mobiles can really turn us into a vain bunch.

You can easily over share and the mystique of our lives can be lost.

We can very much forget the real meaning of friendship as we start counting friends. Quality over quantity should always be the main focus, but social networking has clouded this.

This is great for bands or selling a product but friendship should not be a commodity. Times have changed. So much has changed. Even just from when I was a kid. At college. But one thing remains the same you can count your real friends on one hand. Two if you are lucky, and to be blunt, only a fool would think otherwise.

You do not have 600 friends. People you have met maybe, but friends?

We're really diluting the meaning of the word. Friendship is beautiful. It is essential. It can keep us going. The word should be used with thought and consideration.

It should be seen as an honor to be someones friend. Not another number on our facebook page.
Going back to the start, we can lose our way sometimes. Let some of the good ones go and hold on to the wrong ones. But life has a funny way of working out. Of showing you the way. Of showing you the error of your ways and if you are lucky, you will be given a second chance.

Some days I feel blessed.

Some days I sit counting friends, feeling hopeless.

Truth is.......I am lucky.

I never really fit in growing up after about the age of 9 or 10. High school sucked. But I guess it's meant to be. Helps prepare you for life and gives you character. I moved away from the usual path people in my town took, I had a shaky start but I suddenly found I had loads of 'friends'. All these years on I'm in touch with just a handful of those friends, with only one or two being real, true friends. If social networking had been about I guess that number would be very different. I'd never have believed you if you'd told me at the time just who I would have lost touch with. I only stayed in touch with 2 people from school. Lately that's changed and a few more have come back into my life. My younger brother is from a different generation and I think he's in touch with pretty much his whole year. One of the real friends from school has known me since I was 2. We go too long without seeing each other but when we do it's like no time has passed. True, proper, beautiful friendship.

There's a whole handful of friends from my fanzine days. Honest friendships, not built on looks, salary or job titles, but honest interests. Our geography keeps us apart more often than not these days but thank goodness for email....and letters.....remember them....and I admit it - social networking helps. See, a walking contradiction!!!

I moved to London from a very small town. I hit the middle of a scene. I experimented with myself, found my feet and I loved it. It consumed me. At the time I thought I had found myself. But now I wonder if that is when I started to lose myself. Or maybe it's just what being young is all about. I wouldn't have it any other way. They were truly exciting times. Bands I liked back home, I got to be 'friends' with. I made glamorous new friends and had no end of fun. Very little sleep. Very little food.   But oodles of fun.

Life isn't quite so exciting these days but it's full of so much more substance. So why do I find myself counting friends as often as I count my blessings? Well.....sometimes I long for nights of dancing.

But in reality I've moved on from the club scene and some of the fickle things that go with it. I never ever thought I'd say that though.

These days I want to learn about my friends, actually hear what they have to say. I want to connect properly and build foundations.

I want to be the best friends I can be and live a varied and challenging life. If I focus on too many people I feel I am not giving any of them enough.   Not being a good enough friend.

I don't want to be wild/crazy Ali who never sleeps and will always be up for going out anymore. She needed to spread her wings. She was really only going around in a figure of 8 and I think life is about more than that.

As much as I sometimes wish I had more 'going out' friends, I also realise things happen for a reason. That I've grown up a bunch. I've changed. Hopefully for the better. I've got a whole heap of life ahead of me so what I'm not happy with I can change. And if I'm not changing it them maybe deep down I don't really want to. I remember a friend from my first time in London criticising what another friend looked like, deeming her not fit for me, he knew nothing of the truly kind heart she has. All these years on, she's a good friend....him, not so much!!! A couple of friends from those days made outrageous homophobic remarks. I've cut them both out of my life that day and have never had anything to do with either of them again. There are 3 friends from that time that I thought would be in my life forever. I don't see any of them really anymore but thankfully I think we all know that we're there for each other - just sometimes you take a different path - sometimes those paths join up again and sometimes they don't - that's the beauty of life - you never know what is in store.

I recently moved on from another friend who has been in my life for 16 years. I don't know what our future holds but I do know the present was frustrating and draining so I invested in myself, something I never normally used to do, and I put distance between us, to save something before it got irreparably damaged. I haven't forgotten her. It just wasn't right for us in the here and now. Many people come and go in life and it was liberating to finally realise that some come into your life for a short time for a reason, but are not meant to stay. the same as I've done to others. I know there are some friends from my past that wonder what happened to the girl that swept in, shook things up and floated away. Maybe we'll meet again. Maybe not. We served a purpose for the moment we were in. No hard feelings at all.

I got a bit lost in London the first time round. Valued some of the wrong things. I tried to escape in a very wrong way and wasted 3 years of my life with a rather damaged individual. He was mean. He tried to break me. I look on those times not with sadness though but as a year where my brother and his girlfriend took me in and gave me shelter from so much. A time where I met my best friend, found a loyal friend in her partner and became honorary big sister to her 2 great girls, where I reconnected with my other brother and had some great nights out seeing bands, having fun and making friends. I made a handful of friends in the job I had at that time, all are still in my life today. It could've been one of the worst times of my life but I choose to live with no regrets and see things as learning curves. Never waste a moment to learn a lesson.

I moved back to London.

I felt my time here was not done. Six years on and I am still here, in my 3rd home and a quite different girl. But I jump ahead.

I moved into an area I didn't know, into a flat with people I didn't know, I had more in common with the girl whose room I was taking, someone that I am still in contact with today. I spent my first weekend there unpacking boxes and hanging out with Shane McGowan of all people, I bumped into some old friends and signed up, under force to myspace.

Three of my best friends today came from chatting on that site and then meeting up. One of these friends I am pretty sure without myspace our paths would never have crossed, but who is to really know, all I know is it would be a big shame if we didn't as she is one of the few that are in my inner circle. The same site is where she met her husband to be. This is beautiful. Yet you can hear about how social networking has led to bullying, to stalking and all sorts of horribleness.

Yet today I don't even have a myspace page. See how things change and move on? See how you should get what you need/want from something and not just what others are doing?

I found myself starting to feel weird, not at ease with myself. My health was deteriorating. I was practically living at the doctors, trying to get someone to take me seriously. Trying to work out what was wrong, feeling alone and isolated.

I didn't tell anyone as I didn't know what was wrong. I eventually confided in two people at work, (both still friends of mine today). I was told to prepare myself for the worst. The doctor told me he thought it could be cancer. I tried to carry on. Be the party girl. Not let it ruin Christmas that was in just a matter of weeks. I didn't tell anyone. I was weak. Ill. Unable to go out. Friends at the time, friends from my first time in London seemed to think I was making excuses, I wasn't out on the 'scene' anymore. I was feeling socially anxious. One by one a lot of that group slipped away. I pulled my other friends closer. And I've kept them there, adding a few more to the group on the way and a very understanding boyfriend.

I finally got my diagnosis and anyone that follows this blog will know about this but for those that don't, I was diagnosed with fibroid tumours. A by line of all of this was how I was really at high risk of a heart attack, even today I still get painful heart tremors now and then. I can't do the things I used to. Some people judge me on that without bothering to understand why - so I don't really bother with them. 3 operations followed. I have a problem with anaesthetic and almost died from it as a child, so yea, these operations took quite a lot out of me. It has now been 2 years since my last operation, and about 3 months since I've finally not been anaemic. Nothing like testing, confusing times to show you the true meaning of friendship. To put life into perspective. To show you what and who is important. I know some people don't care what I've been through. Many have had things far, far worse. I know some don't fully understand what I went through. Some feel bad for me. But look at it this way....I was given time, so much time to reflect on my life. I saw who was a good friends, and who wasn't, who to keep, who to let go and who to pull close and who to keep on the fringes. Valuable lessons that many never get the time to learn. I didn't want to spend my days in a haze, running around drunk, being seen to be scene. I loved those days but I wanted, needed more. I still get drunk. I go out, it's more of an occasion now rather than every night. I understand, and enjoy some solitude and alone time. Something I used to hate. I see friends, family, spend time with my boy, listen to music, dance around my room, go out for dinner, to the cinema, to the theatre, I go on holiday, I read, I write, I study, I make clothes, occasionally I bake, I take photos, I blog, I learn, I grow, I love, I laugh, I cry and I dream......and I hope I've become a good friend. So even though I sometimes catch myself counting friends and having a bit of a wobble the truth is for all of life's ups and downs I am pretty lucky right? I have found perspective and meaning. I know who to value and who to focus on, who makes me happy, and who drains me, I've learnt to be me. I still need to work on me but I am finally getting there. I have learnt to open my eyes and really see what is around me, to notice all the little things in life.  To not be desperate to be cool and fit in. Far more important is to be myself, to be true to me. There person who seems so popular with so many friends can quite often be the one crying the loudest inside. Running away faster than you'd think.

I dare you to stop. Face everything and stop being so hard on yourself.

To the friends from my past.....maybe we will meet again. Maybe we won't, but I wish you well all the same. To those that think they know me by just looking at me......you don't. And if you are going to judge me like that then you never will know me either.

To the family and friends in my life, thank you. I love you.

To the friends I have yet to meet, 'Hello!'

And to life......thank you for giving me a second chance. I look forward to res of it, challenges and all.

The Secret of Lost Things

2011-12-06T11:28:00.001-08:00

The Secret of Lost Things by Sheridan Hay

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Now this book has been a hard one to review because there were times I didn't really get into what was going on or felt like I really cared about all the characters and I am still torn between a 4/5 or a 3/5....there is something comforting, something interesting, something that keeps you reading this book through to the end.....something.....that I can't quite put my finger on.

The characters are eccentric in quite a real way. The bookstore kind of how you think they should be - quirky and old with hidden offices. The ultimate story was of not much interest to me though but it's one of those that the journey was better than the end goal. That's not to say that the ending was in anyway disappointing but I didn't care too much, I was more interested in the characters and the psychology behind them.

One to definitely read and I'll be keeping an eye on what other people thought of this quite odd, quirky novel.

View all my reviews

The Children's House of Belsen

2011-12-06T11:27:00.000-08:00

Here's a message I think I need to repeat again....and again.....and again.

2011-12-03T06:23:00.000-08:00

We've all done it, we've all judged a book by its cover. We've all spread gossip about the person we are in fact jealous of. We've heard someones name and decided all sorts of things about them. We take too much at face value without contemplating the more intricate workings that might be going on underneath.

Haven't we all heard the song where the person hides behind the tears of a clown. Eminem says we don't have to walk a mile in his shoes.....but maybe we do....and maybe even then we still wouldn't really get it.

What breaks one person can make another. Just like one persons junk is one persons treasure. Just like we think certain things about all sorts of things in this world without even bothering to find out what it's all about.

In this day and age with the Internet and all sorts of social media, this is even more apparent and no doubt far more dangerous. Cyber bullying? It didn't even exist when I was a child in the age before the Internet.

Pros and Cons, without the Internet there were no blogs, it was harder, but not impossible, to link up with people around the world, back then maybe people knew even less about each other, but there was also a little less pressure. I love that kids have access to such amazing knowledge on the Internet and can be aware of so much and be so creative. But like anything this gets abused, and leads to people being abused.

Whichever medium it is done in bullying is bullying and it sucks.

Most of us will agree with that. But don't we all do it a little every week? Sadly, maybe even every day?

We hate the things that are different....but do we really or do we just hate not being able to understand.

The secret is to become secure enough in yourself and what you do to be able to just brush off the comments those not in the know make, but have you tried to do that? It's not so easy is it! Especially if you had an upbringing where people didn't believe in you or just didn't know how to encourage........

All around us now are images of people who appear to have so much, who appear to be able to do so much, to be able to turn their hand to anything, to be witty, to be funny, to be charming, to be beautiful, to just be this out and out amazing person.

You scratch the surface though and you will find it not to be quite so.

Sometimes those that laugh the loudest are crying the hardest on the inside.

Sometimes those that are running around exploring and doing everything are the ones running so fast from the monsters inside.

Sometimes the girl that is sat quietly isn't being boring, introverted or not able to fit in, she's just at peace, doesn't need to gossip or waffle, is observing and learning and growing and will speak when there is something worth saying. Most of us would think it is that person that has the issues but it could be that person that has so much more figured out. That gets the world and is comfortable with themselves and the world around them. Not many people are comfortable with silence but it's vital, without silence you would all be speaking and once and no one would be listening, no one would be paying attention and wouldn't that just be wrong?!

We assume so much but hate people to do the same about us, so why do we do it? You hear a name and instantly you will find you have an image of someone spring to mind, or personality traits that spring to mind. But a name is one thing you had no choice in, quite probably it was chosen before you were born or minutes after you first breathed in this world. Yet people might judge you on it for the rest of your days.

Your genetics were decided long before you even knew to care about them. Unless you have plastic surgery you cannot change this. And even if you have plastic surgery your offspring will give the game away.

Isn't it more important to learn to like who you are and to learn to love your imperfections, wouldn't that be a better message to put out there but instead we make the whole world feel that you have to be beautiful to succeed. It's already been stated many times that good looking people are paid more just because.

Thing is - have you met that girl or boy that has been deemed beautiful all their lives? The pressure they must feel when they start to age.........or in some cases the lack of personality they have developed, or not as the case might be, they've always had people want to be their friend so they've never really had to bother. Whereas the fat kid....well quite often they will have you in stitches as they have had to become the funny ones to be noticed and to get friends. Well weight can be gained or lost easily but personality? It's not so easy to change once you are an adult.

Look at the people you went to school with. Look at them now. I bet a lot of the ones that were 'top dog' at school have not changed that much, their crowning moment was at school.......that hits me as a bit sad really.

Some people have natural style, some people have a stylist and some people struggle, but this does not tell us everything about that person but many of us will have judged at some point and not spoken to someone, or not been as nice to someone just because......

Some people really don't care to get to know the person inside. Some will even blame you for not telling them your full story.

Forget about them.

Easier said than done right because quite often those people that will be quick to judge or blame you will also be the loud ones in the group and therefore you will feel you have to win their acceptance before you can move forward or expect anyone else to give you the time of day. This is dangerous as will or can lead to you not being yourself. It can lead to you pretending to be something you are not and believe me no matter how much you might wish to be someone else sometimes, pretending to be someone or something you are not is not the route to happiness.

It's hard to be brave enough to say you know what? If you don't like me, that's OK, I am a good person and I know I will find people that will appreciate that, you are obviously not one of those people and that's fine, and then walk away with all your dignity intact.

It's hard to think well I am a good person therefore I am OK. Because most of us have insecurities, we all have good and bad days. We all have the weight of the world on our shoulders sometimes. We all cry ourselves to sleep over something. Those things don't change with fame or money. For many it would seem they get worse with fame and money. How many rich celebrities do you know of that have alcohol and/or substance issues?

You wish you could be more outgoing so will beat yourself up each time you don't do something that a more outgoing person would.

You hate yourself for not being able to dress that way, or have hair like that.......the list is endless.

But we all constantly miss the very fact that we are all born different for a reason.......we all look different for a reason..........how horrid would the world be if we all looked the same and all acted the same....it would be like a real life Gap advert on repeat over and over and over again.

Maybe the key to happiness has nothing to do with our name, or our looks or our bank balance or how many friends we (appear to) have.

Maybe the truly rich can just get on with life, intermingle with many, trust and cherish just a few. How can you be a really good friend to 200 people, 100 people, 50 people? You can't really can you as there are just not enough hours in the day and no matter what your size, there just will never be enough of you to go around.

Sometimes the loud outgoing people will criticise you and bitch about you - not really thinking about how it makes them look or how much it might hurt you, they are just desperately trying to stop anyone else seeing their flaws or their insecurities.

The 'popular' people have the power to be very destructive and sadly I feel many are not aware of this.

For example, I was asked to sing a song as the works Christmas party. I love to sing......but when no one is around. I cannot sing in front of people I don't really know......it's not even a choice for me, my throat closes up....that's not fun for anyone, but someone more gregarious would not understand this and will make all sorts of judgements about me, but they don't know the story behind it and neither do you and you don't have to, and you don't even have to care....but don't think you know the answers because that is lazy, damaging and potentially dangerous. What, it's just meant to be a little bit of fun? Oh hell why didn't you just say that. Yeah I am rolling my eyes - because you see I know that and I wish it would be that way and because I can't do it I beat myself up even more.

I don't think many people in my life know just how bad some things are in my head, that I myself assume so much. I think people won't like me and I will project that out there and find all sorts of evidence to prove I am right but really I am looking at it from a bias point of view.

That is worth remembering. If you think something - don't assume others are thinking it too - the truth is they are probably too busy thinking about themselves to realise that you are having your own personal melt down.

If only people would stop to think, to listen, to notice. Read between the lines. To listen to what is not being said. To take a moment to care. If only we could break the spell that so many fall into - to fit in you have to join in with the bitching and moaning otherwise you are boring or a square or weak.

Not true - it actually shows you are a remarkable individual with great strength.

But good luck waiting for the rest of the world to catch up with that one.

You don't have to be wearing the latest fashion or the most popular label, those are things that are people trying to find themselves and following the masses, being told what to like. You don't have to go to the latest club. You don't even have to go out at all. You don't have to have 600 friends on facebook. You don't even have to have 6......you don't have to do anything but keep breathing.

If you have one person in this world that truly gets you and truly cares about you and doesn't judge you, then you are already infinitely better off that most - so why not put your energies into being that someone for someone else.

When you see the girl with an old fashioned dress, bad hair, thick glasses.......don't judge her, don't try to make her feel bad just so you can get a cheap laugh, don't try to pick on her..........you don't know her story and you might just find that in years to come when she's bloomed that she is the very girl you really wish you could be.

You know my name but you don't know my story......why not take the time to get to know it......to understand it, to learn from it, to help me, to help others, to help yourself....to build bridges.......to be more open minded........to be blown away....to laugh......to cry..........that's what real friendship and the best bits of human nature are all about.

Next time you want to make someone feel bad.....stop and think...............

Who even cares?

2011-12-03T05:39:00.000-08:00

Where did it go wrong? Is it wrong? Is it even a problem? Is anyone else here aware of how I think/feel?

I have been in this job for just over 3 years.

Yet I still feel like I don't really know any of the people I work with.
Every job I’ve ever had I’ve made friends with everyone as in been able to get on with everyone, have chats, go out for a few beers, put the world to rights and a few have stayed friends from every place I’ve worked.

Except here.

Here I don’t feel like I know anyone.

Sure you see people and you can natter, I've been down the pub with some of them and out for lunch with others and it's been really nice.

But something isn't quite clicking....or so it feels to me.
See, I am not in an office with any of the other workers here, and I have to greet the actors and actresses as they come into work so cannot leave my post. So I can’t wonder around the building to gossip or catch up with anyone.

I don’t hear the weekend gossip.

My breaks are not at set times and quite often end up being after or before the rest of the building. Some people I might see for 10 minutes a week. Some fleeting here and there during the day.

If peopel arrange to go out after work I quite often don't hear about it until the last moment and due to how busy I am these days with all the writing and my counselling course I need a bit of notice with things. Sadly the spontenaity has to go to a degree as I have to be so organised with my time. I wonder if it's ever been taken the wrong way?
Does it make me come across like I am being aloof?

Thing is you only have to scratch the surface to know that I am not that way.
To all my friends I appear to be confident, funny and chatty….almost too chatty.
To myself I would say I am crap.
I wonder what the people at work think?

When I see them we seem to get on….they appear to be nice people.

So why is it so different in this work place to any others I have been in?

Of course I point the finger at me and say everything in the whole world that is wrong it’s my fault, that’s the sort of person I am inside. I think everything is my fault. But I’ve never been like this in any other company at all.

Ponder Ponder……

Rarrr and a little Grrr!

2011-12-01T03:46:00.000-08:00

Today is rant day.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Number 1 – 90% of the people I met on my walk to work today had no clue about manners. Why is this? I am old enough and young enough to know how to be polite and courteous – even to people that don’t always deserve it.

What has changed since I grew up? Well, I guess there are more broken homes and there is now no discipline in schools for kids – they have nothing to fear – they know a teacher can’t touch them and I don’t mean just physically either. Now maybe you shouldn’t rule by fear but let’s face it if you thought you would get into trouble it would be a deterrent for a lot of things.

There are kids out there today that are very well mannered – so it shows it can still be done – admittedly it seems like those numbers are dwindling but there’s enough presence there to give me a bit of hope still.

So it must be the examples set by the older generation? But if I now how to be polite then why don’t they – they are older than me and therefore should know better surely?

Number 2 – Pastry dough boy – also known as our Prime Minister.
I’ve not trained in Politics and don’t pretend to know much about the world but I do have a sense for when things are wrong. I am sick to death of MP’s moaning about the mess labour left them, whether this is true or not can be debated forever but there are two vital points here, one is that labour inherited a world of shit from the previous conservative government and so on and so forth – so it would seem like mute point – swings and roundabouts, sticks and stones. The second more important thing is – so here’s the problem, it doesn’t really matter who caused it – it is now the job of the conservative government to sort it out so stop name calling and do your job please. There are things they have tried that blatantly aren’t working – that’s ok – these things happen sometimes – but the real failure is to just carry on out of sheer bloody mindedness in not wanting to admit you got it wrong. This is a very childish and dangerous way to run a country and sadly this seems to be the way the current Government is running ours. The housing situation is a disaster and that was caused by Maggie Thatcher selling the council housing. The economy of the UK is a disaster. That was started with Maggie Thatcher breaking up industry – but I am not here to name call – it’s obvious that if you get rid of industry you lose a lot of the power a country has, you also can’t cope well when other countries you rely on go into melt down. You need to grow more of your own so to speak – be more self sufficient – people have been working this out for years so why haven’t the people that run our country? When you have families being forced into squats you know there is a serious thing going on – the Government’s solution is to put £400 million into cutting costs of buying your own home. Do they not understand that the average Jo has no money? The average Jo is being blamed for not shopping enough and it’s us that need to sort the economy out by spending more….how can we when wages for the average Jo are going down or have been frozen, when we don’t get bonuses and the food, rent, fuel, travel costs are rocketing whilst the top dogs give themselves ridiculous bonuses. The answer to this from the Government is that they never told companies to get rid of staff but it was obvious that was going to happen – the powers that be are the ones paying themselves ridiculous wages to themselves so of course they don’t want to lose that so bye bye average Jo. EVERYONE knew this was going to happen so why didn’t the Government? Are they really that out of touch? And if so then OH FUCK! As they are making the decisions about my well fare and my country. Should I pack my bags now?

Why not put people on responsible wages with responsible performance related bonuses. This would help bring down the cost of things in general. Why not put a limit on rental costs and give bad landlords massive fines for not letting out property in a good condition – this is basic needs.

The future looks horrible.

People are being brought up with way too much choice – with way too much pressure on them. The TV is full of idiots making money for being idiots – this is hardly going to breed a good nation.

When you look into the future you want to feel some hope. I don’t think this Government has done that at all and rather than admitting some things have worked they just say it’s not their fault it was the previous government. Bad management. Lazy answer. And they are running the country…….whilst the bankers carry on behaving in the way that messed the country up in the first place……….

Number 3 – For all of you out there moaning about Christmas…smile god dammit. It’s a time of good cheer to all men (and women and children), it’s a time to get into the spirit of things and try to feel a part of something.

If we hadn’t lost community it would be a much more fun affair for far more people. We would all know old Bob down the road that was lonely and invite him over for some Christmas Pud. We’d know if Aunt Flo round the corner couldn’t get out and would collect her shopping for her and maybe throw in a surprise box of mince pies. We’d gather our families and our loved ones together and that would be the true spirit of Christmas – not the hallmark holiday it’s become. Where people are getting into ridiculous debt to buy ridiculous amounts of things for their children who will just want more and more and more. But we don’t have to buy into that – we could make that change, we could make it the lovely family affair that I think it should be. Why not take this opportunity to build some bridges and mend some old ones. This year think of those that are lonely and help make them not so. Think of your family and give them the gift of some quality time together. That costs nothing but the effect will last far longer than the computer game or latest trend.

Let’s see beyond our noses and be happy!

All it takes to make this world a lovely place is for people to be kind to one another.

Sounds so simple…and yet……..

Goodreads.com

2011-11-26T01:48:00.001-08:00

The Kindness of Strangers by Katrina Kittle

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

When I started reading this book very quickly I realised the 'shock' was going to really upset me and make this quite difficult reading - only because I am a caring person with a very over active imagination.

The story is based around a family that help out a little boy. The little boy is being used by his parents for sex. It has been some of the most uncomfortable reading that has made me so angry.....but not because of the writing style - far from it. Katrina has really researched this and has written in scenarios which no doubt really have had happened. It is harrowing stuff but once again Katrina's writing is amazing and I have to say I was very happy with the ending. The saddest thing about this book is that there really are adults out there that prey on children and there are way too many children that have had to endure such abuse. I think this was brave writing, a very difficult subject matter to handle. Katrina has done this well.

View all my reviews

Tra la la

2011-11-25T04:54:00.000-08:00

On a happier note to the other post - I just went shopping!

I have great charity stores by me.

I would never have gone in a charity store as a child but now.......

I get bored of my clothes a lot! I hate being stuck in one image - I did the mod thing for years and now love the freedom of confusing people ;o)

Now I can give my old clothes to charity. I can buy new clothes from there and the money will be donated to charity - a double donation and I win too.

I mean where else can you get a lovely wool blazer for a fiver!!! Or a lovely Johnny Loves Rosie bag for the same price!

Or a magick book for 20pence - and don't for one minute try to make out I didn't need it! I mean now I have a spell to banish bad hair days, to make people leave me alone, making friends spell - the list goes on and on!

And ok these weren't in today's purchases but they did come in the post! Well Mr Octupus anyone who knows me will know I've had for quite some time, the little cinderella coach also - the hot air balloon is my homage to Carl and Ellie from up and the Carousel - well just because I want one in my garden that I don't have so badly that this will have to do for now.

Now I do have to go and make the most of my day off work - ie go and watch lots of movies!

Sick F*@ks

2011-11-25T04:40:00.000-08:00

Does that sound harsh?

How about after you see this?

This is a tradition in the Faroe Islands. Pilot Whales meet the 'civilised' species. For this to happen once is digusting, tragic, unforgiveable. This happens EVERY YEAR.

Apparently it makes you a man.

Now these whales are not endangered, and form a part of Denmarks diet. But does it really have to be this brutal?

Trapping these animals and struggling with them to kill them, to let them drain free of blood into the waters. It's quite a gory site, and little children are present being told such barbaric scenes are ok!?!

Because the Pilot Whale isn't endangered this practice has largely been left to carry on..........but times have changed so should some customs.

I would think when this started 1,000 or more years ago there were not many people living on the Faroe Islands and this meat was probably used to keep them alive all year. Now we have much more convenient ways to go shopping so surely some 'traditions' should be left in the past.

Still not convinced?

The mercury levels in these whales is so high these days that many of the islanders are believed to be dying from consuming the whale meat and there are more and more children being born with mental health issues believed to be from eating this meat.

I guess nature is having the last laugh...........

http://earthfirst.com/pilot-whales-brutally-slaughtered-annually-in-the-faroe-islands/

Smell nice and save the planet - result!

2011-11-22T07:18:00.000-08:00

Do you remember I had a rant and I contacted all the main supermarkets in the UK to ask where my choice was as a consumer to not use Palm Oil? That it costs just pennies more to have chocolate without palm oil but no one is giving me that choice? Well, still today none of those supermarkets are giving me that choice but interestingly Sainsbury’s came out best with what they were wanting to do and things they were trying to do and the Co-op came out worst. Interesting considering this is what they are meant to be about….but…….

LUSH has come up with the only soap that does not contain Palm Oil.

This kind of proves we don’t need it!

Their prices haven’t rocketed.

Their products haven’t deteriorated.

But we will help stop the killing of Orangutans and the destruction of the rain forest which is totally vital to us being able to do that little thing called breath! So how ridiculous is it that we are even contemplating using that just to save a few pence. We are actually dying or killing ourselves, or our future just to save a few pence.

Over 69,000 acres of rainforest are being lost every day!

http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/green-living/the-palm-oil-scandal-boots-and-waitrose-named-and-shamed-1810503.html

We should go to Lush and buy lots of lovely pretty soap and know we are helping the planet by doing so.

I hope many more shops follow the wonderful example being set by Lush.

https://phoenix.lush.co.uk/

Powerpuff Girls

2011-11-12T06:47:00.000-08:00

Oh yes! The best cartoon! The best messages!
What more could you want?
Why is this not on TV anymore?

The tales of Buttercup, Blossom and Bubbles. A brunette, a red head and a blonde. In my life I have been them all!

Buttercup is the fiesty one (the one I was always called!)
Blossom is the clever one.
Bubbles the cute one.

They are made of sugar and spice and everything nice and Chemical X!

They save the world before bedtime.

If you haven't fallen in love with this cartoon yet then make sure you watch Candy is Dandy the best thing on tv ever!!!

They also let you know that Girls Can. Not a bad message to put out there for the kids.....and adults!

Miaow!

2011-11-08T04:21:00.000-08:00

So how did the House of Harlow and Winter Kate designer hone in on her enviable sense of style? "It's so hard for me to answer that question whenever I get asked!" she told WWD. "It's not that deep for me, it's whatever I feel comfortable in at that time. I really look at fashion as a form of self-expression, so just like how your moods change, my fashion choices change all the time."

The above is a conversation that a magazine had with Nicole Richie and it made me laugh! The reason she finds it so hard to answer that is because she has a stylist. Because she has someone else design all her clothes for her clothing line and it's the power of her name that helps sell it not her design skills. I have found only one interview where Nicole was asked if she actually drew the designs and she had to confess that no she didn't but that she did approve every item that went into the line. So that means she went 'Yes', 'No', 'Maybe'. Hmmmm.

Recently her publishers confirmed that she does not write her books. Shock horror oh my gosh blow me down with a feather I never saw that one coming *rolls eyes*. This was quickly glossed over and now she doesn't really seem to be asked about her writing much.

This is because she has a PR team that work for her. They will swoop in on any interview that she does saying what will be allowed and not allowed in the questioning. And this is why you find that 'stars' that represent themselves can come unstuck.

I am not picking on Nicole here - just saying it like it is because I am sick of people pretending to be super woman and making people feel they too can have all this if they just manage their time properly - that they too should be achieving all this. It puts a lot of pressure on young girls and working mom's when really it is all a lie.

Most 'celebrities' are guilty of this but they get so tied up in that world or feeling like they are priveledged and in many cases only having 'yes men' around them that reality can get blurred.

Many will jump on the bandwagon about being 'green' and 'eco friendly' and denouncing plastic but then you see them with their plastic juice bottles and huge SUV cars. Didn't Bono once even fly a hat out to himself!?! Nice!

I think it's really unfair to put such a false image of yourself out there. To lie so blatantly and for the world to buy into it.

So many of these 'famous' women have had so much work done and have so much done to look the way they do and have a huge team of people working with them to get to look the way we think they do and then tell the world they should love themselves and not let bullies get them down and to be who they really are. Scuse me whilst I fall about laughing at their hypocricy.

It seems that this world has very little to do with talent and hard work for the most part and all to do with what class you were born into, how much money you have and more importantly not what you know but who you know (or what your Daddies surname is).

It saddens me so much that this is the sort of thing that we hold up in high esteem when it's all lies.

I just want this to be an honest and fair world.

Sadly it seems like I'm asking the earth!!!!!

Some days just suck

2011-11-04T04:51:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine thinks the devil looks after his own. That if you are a little shit you seem to get everything go right for you.

I hate to buy into this.

What morals or standards of living or hope does this give us?

Why should those that do little get the rewards?

If that was the case why aren’t we all out there now being little arseholes and robbing banks?

Why do I sit and see that it appears to be true? So many that win the lottery are little rat bags.

So many that seem to land on their feet actually trample everyone that gets in their way.

Why is it those with the talent get pushed to the wayside for those that have the contacts?

Some days it’s really hard to breathe and not just get choked by all this negativity.

I refuse to give up.

I refuse to get bitter.

I’m having one of those days where you just want to say ‘Fuck it’ pack your bags and run with no agenda and on destination, just run until your little legs give out.

I refuse though.

I don’t know if that makes me smart or just outrageously stubborn.

I refuse to give up hope. I refuse to buy into being a little shit. I want to believe that what you put out there is what you get back. I want to believe that good things come to those who wait. I want to believe that if you work hard you will get rewarded for your efforts. I want to believe in something other than money and celebrity. I want to believe that anything is possible for anyone.

I want to believe that I won’t have to live in the joke flat forever.

I want to believe that I won’t have to starve as I get to old age.

I want to believe that those of us that have good morals will be rewarded.

I want to believe in the future.

I want to believe that there is love like Carl and Ellie’s.

I want to believe that things will be ok.

I want to believe that the good guys win.

I want to believe that someone is listening.

I want to believe that the good times are just around the corner.

I want to believe in myself and my ability to pull through.

I want to believe in this world and the people in it.

I want to believe above all that my friend is wrong about the devil looking after his own.

I want to believe that the answers can be found at the bottom of the ice cream tub or at the bottom of a bowl of cheesy mash potato.

I want to believe that this won’t go on forever.

I want to believe that all I aspire to is within my grasp.

I want to believe that I am not wasting my time, that we are all not wasting our time.

I want to believe that music really does save.

I want to believe that if I keep on going that things will pick up.

I want to believe that dreams come true.

If you live in a glass house eventually the world will see ALL that you do

2011-11-01T05:24:00.000-07:00

We live in a civilised world where rape is still common place in some countries. As is child slavery, as is genocide.

We live in a world where people can’t get food or clean water to drink.

We live in a world where people regularly die from lack of food.

We live in a world where people can’t afford to have a basic standard of living.

We live in a world where children are leaving school unable to read.

We live in a world where some children don’t get to go to school at all.

We live in a world where Kim Kardashian can make $250,000 for each 24 hours she was married…..allegedly.

You know I don’t really care what the exact figure is – the fact that she is making more than a couple hundred bucks for such a thing is pretty gross.

I don’t blame her for making the most of this – I blame the world for caring so much for this.

When did it become acceptable for actors to earn such a ridiculous sum of money for prancing about pretending to be someone else?

Why are surgeons not the people that we hold in great esteem?

Why are footballers earning such ridiculous sums of money for running around kicking a leather ball? We’ve seen the headlines – many would be better off spending their money on better education.

Why on earth is this money not put into scholarships?

Why are football clubs not building sports centres? It would give the youth something to do and also help sort out a lot of the weight issues that we are struggling from.

When did it become such a fickle world that children are aspiring to be famous, you ask them what for and they shrug. Why are they not trying to do something good for their community? Or for the world?
When did we become so bogged down with ‘me, me, me’!

When did what surgery we were prepared to have become what was really the driving force.

Name me 10 celebrities that haven’t had work done!

When did it become OK for said celebrities to pretend they have written a book, made a perfume, designed some clothes, when really they are just nodding or shaking their heads and watching that cash roll in which for a lot of them is only happening because of something that their parents did to make that name carry some weight!

When did it become OK to say these people should be the role models, the big income earners and the people we all aspire to and look up to?

When did it become OK to mislead our youth so much?

I don’t know how said celebrities live with themselves to be honest – but the truth is they just pay people to keep the real world away from them.

People can no longer afford to go to University. Libraries are being shut so unless you have money you are not even being entitled to the right to read a book.

The country has been set up where cars are a necessity now the cost of running those cars is becoming so high that many can’t afford to run them, but the infrastructure is not there for people not to have a car.

Gas and electricity companies are recording record high profits whilst people are dying in their chairs because they cannot afford to put their heating on.

I look around me every day and I see people with no homes to go to, people that are drinking themselves to an early grave.

I see people working hard but then having it all taken from them when they need to pay for old age care, when they are put into grossly overcharged accommodation where it is pot luck as to whether they will actually look after you or not.

I see a country where those that don’t bother to work live in flats that those that work cannot afford. I see them get so much and so many that are working hard not getting their basic rights met.

Take London. An amazing city.

But there are some dark places here.

Rents are ridiculous. Landlords are not meeting their basic obligations because they don’t have to, because the government is being clueless and the demand for property is so high these rogue landlords are being left to screw over so many.

The prices of places to buy is laughable – then you see the condition they are in and wonder who is being stupid enough to invest in such things.

Where in the world do you find a small lounge, a tiny alcove kitchen, a bathroom so small it has no window and a tiny bedroom not big enough to have a full sized wardrobe in it going for the bargain rent of £1,000 per month?

Where is small shoe box of a flat that doesn’t even have a proper kitchen in it and has no outside space go for what is being called a steal at £300,000.

Most cannot afford this in their wildest dreams.

It will take them 25 years of scrimping and saving and borrowing from all sorts of people, working two jobs and using their inheritance to pay for this – and even then they might not have paid it all off in 25 years!

But Kim Kardashian was making that every 2 days or less depending on the exchange rate.

Wow – that is one fucked up set of morals we are trying to encourage this world to have.

Glass Feet

2011-10-31T07:52:00.000-07:00

I can’t today – my feet are cold. I can’t do things when my feet are cold. I just, I don’t know, it’s not like I freeze but I kind of do. Do you understand what I mean? No, I don’t suppose you do.

Does anyone?

Am I alone in my thinking or just alone in thinking I am alone? I guess we all feel the same sometimes?

The better the things appear – well, are we just learning to fake it better and better?

Would that be to say that no one is truly happy? That would be a really silly thing to say.

I just don’t think any of us are quite as happy as we sometimes make out we are.

Which in turn means we are never quite as unhappy as we say we are either.

Some people just like to moan.

And some people just like to pretend.

Which are you? Do you pretend? I think sometimes that maybe that is the way to go but then inevitably you have days where you realise your whole world is fake and fickle and it’s just another thing you have been pretending.

The world is full of hypocrisies. Nothing like human nature for hypocritical behaviour. Take these celebrities that pretend they are like SO happy with the way they look and just think you should be kind to your self and then you find out the nut job diets they go on, how hungry they normally are, what a state their body is in and all the plastic surgery they have done.

Or the books they claim to have written.

Or the fashion lines they claim to design.

Or the perfumes they pretend to create.

All the ‘friends’ they claim to have.

The list goes on and on and on.

But you? Well you the average Jo who works 9 – 5, scrap that no doubt works 8 – 6 and barely gets by, but you, if you have some real friends, if you wrote that book or did that drawing……maybe you actually have more! Did you ever think about it like that?

Maybe you really don’t have to live in this pretend world where your name and face is just a brand.

You really can just be you! Real. Cold feet and all!

I don't want your money honey

2011-10-28T12:11:00.000-07:00

Is it possible to live without money? Is it possible to really get by with all the things you need? It's probably easier than we think to cut down on what we need to spend money on but I always feel we kindof need our own property and a bit of our own land to do so. If you are stuck paying rent then you are pretty much screwed for cash these days it would seem.

And of course the materialisitic culture we have all bred and been bred into does of course mean that we get a bit confused by what is important and what we really need. We've also forgotten a lot about how to get by without having to just chuck out and buy new things all the time, we don't really 'fix' things much anymore and it's easier to go to the shops than go and grow our own veg' but it's not nearly as rewarding.

Times are tough and the only good thing I can see to come out of all this is that maybe some of us will start working as a team more and starting to be a little more self sufficient. In the meantime....this is kindof what my ideal place would look like.....maybe a few of them around for friends and family to live in and we'd all have our own little patch of land.

This sort of house would be absolutely perfect - of course in my typical hypocritical state I'd probably need two - one for my stuff and one for me!

The lighting inside would be like this above - it would feel like fireflies and would feel magical.

Now could you really handle this bathroom? It's intersesting but would really be painful if you were feeling a bit hungover - still there's something about it.

So not fair!!!!

2011-10-24T09:26:00.001-07:00

I know someone you probably missed.

Come on, who hasn’t thought that?

I know it seems wrong but at the end of the day we all want to be doing OK – we all want to feel that this word is fair and that we will get what we deserve and then we sit back and put the news on and find some low life has won the lottery and some kind old soul has been brutally murdered.

These sorts of things happen all the time.

And one of the harshest and truest things about life is that it is just not fair.

So um, well, how do you keep going? How do you keep striving to be the better person if Karma is being lazy?

Life gives to those that take control in life – I think it’s meant to mean if you try really hard to better yourself then life will give you rewards but sometimes I take it to mean if you steal then you will get things if you work really hard you will probably just lose it all in old age and not be eligible for anything.

Cynical?

Well yes.

How can you not be?

How can you not think bad thoughts sometimes?

But that’s just it – it doesn’t get you anywhere does it. It doesn’t change a thing. And it won’t change a thing.

But I have found some inner (and outer) peace by believing that the person that has done me wrong or is doing wrong will get his/hers once Karma remembers to get back to work.

Love the video love the song - could be controversial!

2011-10-24T07:03:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgT1AidzRWM

My perfect living space....complete with pet!

2011-10-03T04:26:00.001-07:00

Eat my shorts - a letter to the Government

2011-09-20T04:11:00.000-07:00

It makes me sad to feel that the future once excited me, now it scares me. Most of this is due to having a string of bad governments. All my life it would seem that bad choices have been made. Running a country can’t be an easy job but surely lessons should be learnt somewhere.

I am so bored of hearing ‘well it’s the mess we inherited from the previous government’ truth be known, they probably inherited a mess from the last lot in power and so on and so forth. But doesn’t all this seem a little childish for people that have the power to ‘run a country.’!?!

And that’s just it, you are meant to be running a country. Running implies moving forwards as well. Instead I feel you are running this country into the ground.

The Conservative party has been known in the past for looking after the rich. I feel that the rich have the power at all times no matter which government, but the Conservative party do seem to be making this fact very obvious.

Mistakes have been made in so many areas that it’s no wonder the youth, and many adults feel so disillusioned and so let down.

People have been donating money to help children have access to books because the libraries are shutting and the schools are failing. This is beyond a travesty. Basic teaching should enable a child to read.

The family unit should help here too but alas the family unit has splintered and fallen apart. Many good parents are being forced to have both parties working full time just to try to make ends meet, so of course the child’s up bringing is going to fail.

This is our future. Yet somewhere it’s not deemed worthy of investing in properly? Sorry, but it should never have fallen so far in the first place.

Latch key kids were meant to be a thing of the past but sadly it’s becoming more and more common. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realise that kids need to feel like they belong, so what do they do? The form their own families, I think they get called ‘Gangs’ these days. Many don’t have real male role models in their lives and look to musicians and quite often footballers for that leadership. Let’s just reflect on that! In the newspapers all too often are the unrealistic, slightly gross wages that men earn for playing football. The headlines are filled with stories of rape, abuse, fights, infidelities and excess. This does not set a good moral example or a good code to live by and certainly does not breed respect for women. It gives no indication of working hard for the things you want either. Basic moral fibre, if you will.

As a country we have one of the most expensive child care costs in the world. We have had a lot of cheap labour occurring in this country since joining the EU and this has pushed employer’s perspective into the dark ages. They feel they can pay low wages, as there are many so desperate to work for it that they will accept this and live 10 to a room. Or work illegally without paying taxes. This makes it hard for the honest citizen to get a job that will pay for the extortionate rents, the rocketing price of food, the greedily rising costs of fuel, for the house and for the car. The basic cost of living is increasing rapidly and unrealistically. On top of this people are being taxed more. Wages are being frozen, or cut. Starting salaries are down right unrealistic with many full time jobs having hours cut to save the big boss some money but making the common lay man close to the edge of what is morally acceptable standards of living.

This country became one where people would buy their own homes. The majority of Europe rent and have suitable laws in place to make them protected. This country does not. The cost of housing spiralled out of control and this has not changed. More and more people are being forced to rent. What has been done to acknowledge this change? What has been done to protect people from landlords? What has the government done to protect its people? It’s future, past and present? Shelter has started an amazing campaign. I suggest the Government gets on board and does everything they can to get the correct laws in place, and fast. Rents should be realistic. Especially in this time of economic crisis. Times are really hard. You do not understand this fully from your ivory towers, if you did you would not be allowing the Electricity, Gas, Rents and Transport costs to rise as they are. These rises are due mainly to greed and bad management. Why should the general public be made, yet again, to pick up the pieces for things out of their control. Lives are not to be played with, it is not a game, there is no clearing the board and starting again.

A basic right when you are paying for a property is to expect the basic repairs to be done, to expect privacy, no harassment and to live in peace and relative comfort. If you are renting you have rights but the minute you try to exercise them your landlord has the right to evict you. This is disgusting. Digest that. Pay all this money and have no way of safely living in basic standards of accommodation. If I was running a country that allowed that I would be deeply ashamed of myself.

Recently a report indicated that the service of the London Underground was pretty bad. The punctuality and reliability was bad. Fare increases keep going up and up and up. Passengers are promised a better service and air conditioning etc etc, a little happens but nothing much but still the fares rise and rise and rise. The current state of the transport system is embarrassing and should be offering people discounts but instead you yet again see fit to strike those really hard enough off as it is to increase the fares by another 7%. Disgusting does not even come close to explain this.

As a country out transportation system is failing, in its service and in its costs. What is being done? Yes, that’s right, even more unrealistic fare increases.

I feel that every time the hard working, lower paid people are made to pay for the richer people or more powerful people’s mistakes.

The whole banking crisis has been beyond rude. People were prosecuted for making a stand. Nothing has been done about the bankers that have gambled people’s lives away. Some bankers sat in their offices waving wads of money at the protesters, infuriating them. But I guess we are just not worthy of a voice.

The majority of the country is not doing very well financially. You should look after and invest in the masses, not the few.

Your policies are failing. You are failing. The country if failing. My faith is gone. I hear your words but I don’t hear that you care; I don’t feel that you care. I hear the voice of the teacher from Charlie Brown. And that is ‘our’ leader.

Doesn’t fill you with hope!

The general feeling is of being lost. Great leadership, even mediocre leadership should unite people it should never leave them wandering and lost.

I wish you would think about that and act accordingly.

My biggest fear is knowing that you will just carry on blah blah blahing your way through government whilst the majority just get thrown over board with not so much as a life jacket. Sink or swim. The general public does not stand a chance in such shark infested waters.

To pill...or not to pill, now ain't that the million dollar question!

2011-09-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

Read this link.

Now the scientist in question finds this 'exciting'. Am I the only one to find it scary?

I've read SO much mind blowing stuff about the contraceptive pill that I wish I had never taken it. Yes, I really do mean that and I really do feel that strongly about that statement. So much so I put my money where my mouth is and I no longer take it.

As any follower of this blog knows I had a really horrendous time with some very troublesome fibroids. As you will know I wrote about how 3 out of 5 women are on the pill and 3 out of 5 women have fibroids.....hmmmm but of course there is no link......

Then I got given a new packet of pills. A new brand and what do you know, sneaked into the instructions/health warning list it says that if you have had trouble with fibroids you should be very closely monitored by your doctor whilst taking those pills.

Hmmmm....interesting - especially when every Doctor I have asked denies a link.

So, long story short - it changes you physically. We've heard about the weight gain etc so at least from that point of view we know it to be true.

Now they are saying it changes your memory!

There's been many jokes about women being crazy at certain times of the month, and come on, lets be honest here, if men had to go through what we did each month there would be far more wars in this world.....anyway - I digress. Emotions and feelings are really what make you different from each other (apart from the physical of course but you know what I mean) and this pill that is so freely given out with hardly any consultation - well, this pill can and does change all that.

And it's thought to be exciting.

It scares me. Not just because of what it does but because the pill has been available since the 60's and is so widely prescribed but this has only just been found out. The tests done on the pill have only been for really short term use - it's scary that something so mainstream is so untested.

Generally people are starting to be a little more self aware of the food they eat and the air that they breathe but these things that the doctor is prescribing and the girl takes in good faith.....well it's totally changing who you are.

Sounds dramatic?

Well I know of many women that have stopped taking the pill because it's made them 'crazy', 'psycho'....you can laugh but these are words that women are using about themselves.

It makes me feel like women are being used as guinea pigs here and most don't realise it. Would you want to take a pill where there have been few tests and the tests that have been done are only for people taking the pill for a maximum of 2 years. (Most women will take this for 15 - 20 years). Would you want to put so much faith into something so untested and so damaging to the core being that you are?

Add the damage that is happening to men due to the amount of estrogen from the pill that is in the drinking water...believe me I think we are only just scratching the surface with this one.

Put like that it makes me wonder how many other drugs we are handed like smarties that are 'safe' that are really messing us up!

I have a sneeky suspicion that this could be a KOL moment.......

2011-09-08T10:47:00.000-07:00

A sobering thought.

2011-09-06T05:46:00.001-07:00

Thinly veiled message

2011-09-06T03:55:00.000-07:00

You know when you grow up with someone – they know your secrets (or at least some of them) and you know theirs (or at least some of them) and you’ve shared things. Some good and some bad. Some things best forgotten and some things forever remembered.

There should be some kind of code.

Some kind of unspoken promise.

That life moves on and we all grow and sometimes we grow together and sometimes we grow apart but when you’ve had that kind of bond at some point then there should always be some form of respect.

That should be unspoken – there should be no need to make sure such a code is in place – it should just happen.

It’s called common decency.

It’s called respect.

Maturity.

Growing up.

Being in control of your emotions.

As we grow older and settle down, other things become important, other things take up some of our time, some of it good, some of it bad, but most of it essential.

You’ll have other people to consider, you can’t just be about self anymore.

If you are it turns you into a bit of an asshole.

If every decision you have to make, whether you choose to, whether you get given an ultimatum, whether it’s just because it’s the way things have to be, whatever those reasons are…..accept it.

DON’T go around behaving like you are so hard done by and trying to make everyone else feel bad.

DON’T keep shifting the goalposts until you can worm your way out of responsibility.

DON’T make someone else feel bad for your life choices.

DON’T belittle someone and play on knowing how to pull their strings just so you can not have to be adult and accept responsibility.

DON’T make someone else question their choices just because you are uncomfortable with some of yours.

DON’T make someone feel bad or responsible for your life.

DON’T dismiss all your own responsibilities and keep pointing the finger at others when you should probably be looking in the mirror.

There are some good life lessons here for everyone to be fair. We all have moments of questioning things but we should be questioning ourselves and our own actions and making sure we are doing the right thing for this world and those we have chosen to put in our own little corner of it.

If we all concentrate on being the best people we can and making our corner of the world the best it can be it would be a lovely world now wouldn’t it.

Oh little treasure

2011-09-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

And it only cost me £1 and it works i.e. in otherwords every time I open this box up (which at the moment is really frequently as it's still a novelty) but the little song comes blasting out and the ballerina dances her awkward little clock word turn.

I had one of these as a kid - as in a musical box with a dancing ballerina - that's where the similarities end but the concept is the same - I love these boxes. Each time I open them it feels a little magically. I don't know if that is to do with the box or to do with the memories.

The happy memories of childhood.

The lovely innocence. I'd go to the park, or play with the grass cuttings on the fields (I'd build little layouts of houses with them.....my earlier interior design interests shining through) or I'd be down the river making little hide outs and dens...or at my friends houses making up stories or putting on plays and getting dressed up.

My biggest worry was whether I had clean socks.....or maybe just matching socks would do....you know what, I didn't even worry about that.

I was just living life. I remember one summer holiday running out of my room and squealing to my mom 'Am I still on holiday?' 'Yes Alison.' 'Wow.....how long have I got left?' '4 weeks Alison, it's only just really started.' and I remember the excited dance around the room I did. I was only about 7 or maybe even younger - but that was all I needed to hear to know that things were just simply amazing.

Wouldn't it be great if life was still that simple - that everything was still that easy.

I think it can be if we choose too - hence why my peter pan complex is never going to leave me!

It's a cruel cruel world

2011-09-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

I saw a picture in the paper today of a young child dressed up like a Marilyn Monroe but with some not so human coloured skin.

I covered up the story and asked a colleague how old they thought the person in the picture was – they replied saying a young teenager.

The child in question was 4.

The child in question was under the instruction of her parent at a beauty pageant where she not only had the most ridiculous coloured skin from fake tan I presume or a tonne of make up, speaking of there was so much slap on her eyes and lips and not to mention the fake boobs…..yes you heard me…..4 years old and fake boobs – she also wears a fake arse! Her mom thinks it’s just an ‘extra bonus.'

I won’t yet tell you what I think yet.

I then saw an article about how a Mother gives her 4 year old fake tanning sessions ‘Because it makes her feel better.’

I then heard that a tanning shop had opened up offering tans for 16 month old babies and above.

You’d like to think this was some sort of joke that someone had forgotten all about the punch line but alas this is real life. This is the product of some parents that think this is what? Cool? Looks good? Is healthy? How can anyone be so god damn stupid as to think that!?!?!?!

Have we not seen enough evidence on the news that these thing spawn unhealthy obsessions and images in children and even more worryingly some of the sickos that are out there, seriously – I know this might sound harsh but to me the parents that are exposing their very young children to such things are almost posting pictures of their child straight into the world of paedophilia!

I do not and never will understand why anyone thinks it’s a good idea to put such morals into a very small childs head. I will never understand why we think it’s ok to judge each other on looks – this world is fickle enough – why go out of your way to feed into that!? Why would you want to make your child feel it’s all about the winning and all about the looks and all about how ‘pretty’ they can make themselves, how it’s important to look as adult as possible – where the hell is their childhood? Surely children today are growing up too fast as it is – which spawns generations of young adults with children’s minds ill equipped for the adult world they have been thrust into.

I know each parent generally thinks their child is the most beautiful thing ever but this is a trend that to me is quite positively sick, disgusting and very very wrong.

I do not blame the child one little bit. The audiences, the organisers and the parents are the ones that I hold wholly responsible here....I'll even say I see this as a form of child abuse.

Alas I think there will be a lot more tears and god knows what else spilt before anything is really done about this – if ever.

Let the children be children.

Rooftops

2011-08-27T11:49:00.000-07:00

I love rainbows! And last night I was treated to not one, but two.....it's the one good thing about a storm. And yes I do always still search for the other end of the rainbow. Where all your dreams are meant to come true? Or where your doppleganger is living out the opposite of your life? Well those were the two tales that I was always told as a child, I never really believed in the pot of gold - I wanted more........and the other life thing seemed to be that 'more'. Could you imagine seeing someone that looked just like you living out the opposite of your life? Do you think they would be happy or sad? Would it be just as mixed as your own life really (well yeah I am guessing so) but would you want that life more? Or imagine if it was like all those choices you had, and whatever you chose you had to live with so the life at the other end of the rainbow would be a person just like you living out all the other choices! That would be the most amazing thing ever. Or would really rub salt in the wounds because if you could see something and think 'Ah man I should've done that one' you'd never actually be able to go back and change that. So I guess that yet again proves my point about how you should never have regrets. Treat anything bad as a learning curve, as I say some curves are steeper than others but they are normally where you learn the most, and learning things is good, right, it doesn't feel that way when you are forced to go to school but once you don't have to go to school anymore learning can be a whole lot of fun.......and things generally do happen for a reason - and everything good and bad that has happened to you has made you the person you are today and believe it or not that is usually a good thing.......give or take a few exceptions, but maybe they just made those bad choices for a while. Either way I still feel really happy when I see a rainbow.

Aw Vivienne Vivienne Vivienne

2011-08-25T06:18:00.001-07:00

If I tell you that I love you Vivienne will you at least give me these mighty fine pair of shoes. They are almost the perfect shoe.........I saw almost because I am 5'10" with a busted back (slight exaggeration in one of those facts) so I can't wear the heels....Vivienne oh vivienne please make these in flats and let me be a walking advert for you amazing bits of foot candy!

Fury Nellyphant

2011-08-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

Oh yes! It looks like a super wise little old man elephant doesn't it! It's the intact and perfectly (almost) preserved remains of a little bubby wooly mammoth.

A fury baby elephant.

You surely understand by now that I love elephants so the fluffy ones are extra special.

It blows my mind to think how many thousands....maybe millions of years ago this little thing was actually alive and breathing air and running around. And here it is on display.

There has been talking of trying to reintroduce such a species to the world today - now as much as there is a part of me that wants to jump up and down clapping in a demented fashion - I think this is wrong and a really bad idea - some things are meant to be left in the past.

In Your Face!

2011-08-18T03:54:00.000-07:00

Read it.
Ingest it.
Digest it.
Think about it.

How does that make you feel? Do you think about the times that you've got pissed off at someone for giving you a bit of attitude - or the times someone has given you attitude and you think 'Damn they just don't understand!'

As much as we all like to think we are different....and in our own sweet ways we sure are unique....but we are all very much the same too.

We cry tears. We bleed blood. We hurt.

But we also love and we also laugh.

Suffering brings with it a deep understanding, which makes you feel compasionate, emphatic. We need the suffering to really be human.

And sometimes we really shouldn't be so quick to judge.

Lumi love love LOVE

2011-08-17T02:21:00.000-07:00

Are words really necessary? Ok then, how about Elephant. Panda. Cute. Want. Love. It.

But alas the reviews of them have been terrible so I am quietly licking my paws feeling not so bad that I haven't got them all but still quietly lusting like mad over them. My little Lumi Family.

Nobody is perfect gasp horror

2011-08-17T02:02:00.000-07:00

So there is a major hoo-harr about the Vogue photos of Kate Moss’s wedding. Apparently too much photoshop and airbrushing was used. Well yeah, that was blatantly apparent when I saw the photos of this flawless skinned Kate. We all know that she has anything but flawless skin and has been that way for quite some time. I am not saying that this makes her ugly or anything like that – just stating that it’s funny that they still bother to airbrush her as we all know she’s far more Gillian Taylforth than her image in the press.

But wait – STOP PRESS – it wasn’t a comment made at the ridiculously airbrushed face of Kate but at her daughters fingers. They had shaved off half of Lila’s fingers. Well um does that not actually mean they were probably airbrushing Kate’s back to make her appear smaller, as come on why would a young child need her hands airbrushed – it’s not like she is going to have liver spots. Surely the real issue here should be that Kate Moss miss major skinny youth that is now a major skinny adult with a slight beer belly – surely the big issue is that they thought they needed to make her appear smaller?

I’m so tired…bored and tired of the way this idea of perfection is sold to us all. It’s dangerous and like a little fairytale. The people in the pictures bares a slight resemblance to the actual person yet we are all fed these images, making many people crave perfection (which does not exist people….and thank god) but people go out of their way to buy all these new cosmetics and treatments, many even turn to surgery….think about it – the stress of surgery on your body is huge and people are paying to have work done, work that doesn’t really improve people that much it just starts to give us an alien nation.

There’s been some half arsed issues going on in the press about images that look ‘too perfect’ – but it amazes me that for all the false images and the dangerously thin and weird looking people it is creating the big out cry is Lila Moss’s fingers!

This is all you ever need to know about me

2011-08-12T06:01:00.000-07:00

And there is something about this room that has me totally fascinated and I really really want to make it my own. I am realising just how important your surroundings can be for your state of mind, well being and basica calm!

Dans Le Noir

2011-08-11T06:49:00.000-07:00

Can you guess what it might be? It’s a restaurant……they serve the food in the dark, in fact the whole place is in the dark and the waiters/waitresses have special goggles on so that they can serve you the food on the plate rather than all over you and everyone else I presume.

Now there’s something very lovely about thinking about going on a date with someone and sitting there not being able to see them and just focus on their personality, it’s something that if only we could all do in real life – if the personality was the thing that really mattered but um food?

Maybe I am paranoid but for one I’d be really bloody scared about what I am being given to eat. I can be quite fussy about how things are cooked too so does this mean I would have to keep touching my food to see if it was cooked how I like it? Does this mean that I will end up stabbing my arm as often as I stab my food as I flail blindly with my fork?

I have been known to knock over a glass or two when I can see fully in the light – this is just surely asking for a major disaster…soggy food and feet all round.

How do you see to go to the toilet? How do you find your seat again afterwards? Will you end up peeing in the broom cupboard by mistake? Will you end up sitting in the lap of a stranger thinking it is your seat? Is it a field day for thieves? Will you end up getting to know totally random people as you sit back down at the wrong table and commence conversation?

Or would the smells and tastes totally overwhelm you and transport you into some foody type heaven? Textures of food can be really off putting and some flavours can be really overpowering in a way that just baffles your mind. Is this the point? I guess so. I personally would be WAY too paranoid to sit and relax and enjoy such a meal. I am intrigued though.

Then I realise for some people every meal time must be like this. Not just for some novelty factor.

Bubble Tea

2011-08-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

At last - I got to try some bubble tea!

Lovely! If not a little sickly towards the end. The black balls at the bottom of the tea are like chewing on eyeballs and the clear ones are full of liquid that explode in your mouth. It's interesting and of course my new favorite thing.

So...I've been thinking......

2011-07-18T07:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you gotta realise if you didn’t get nervous, if you didn’t sometimes get sick to your stomach, wake up with cold sweats or just not be able to sleep at all – well you just don’t really care about what it is that’s going through your mind.
You have to feel this, really FEEL it to know you want it. To know it’s worth fighting for.
If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t matter and you wouldn’t worry.

You have to go through this so you know you want it. Keeps you hungry. Makes you think. You thrash out every little detail.
But be careful what you put out there, don’t go being negative just because you are used to being that way – put positive things out there into the atmosphere, send good things out to the universe, it’s worth it isn’t it I mean you just never know!
Above all, believe in yourself – realise those gut feelings are there for a reason.
You alone choose your fate.
You alone believe in your future.
Your only constraints are the ones your mind puts on you, you know.
So get out there, live a little. Be Free!

A simple gesture and a kind word

2011-07-16T09:14:00.000-07:00

You have to excuse the state of my desk - it's a bit like the state of my mind....chaotic. But isn't the plant lovely! It's huge, in a lovely terracota pot and has a lovely subtle floral scent.

It might look like tonnes of other plants to you but this one has a lovely little message attached (and I don't mean the card that came with it).

Earlier in the week a couple of Spanish ladies arrived at work. As I was getting ready to leave work and meet my boyfriend, they asked me if I could phone a taxi for them. Which I did, they guy on the other end of the phone blatantly didn't want to help them, even though it was something their work had pre-arranged. To cut a long story short, I stayed late, only by about 25 minutes, to help these ladies get back to their hotel, to arrange a lift for them the following morning and suggest moving hotel. The next day I helped them out with a couple of other things. All quite small gestures really and I thought nothing more of it. Just before the ladies left at the end of the week they gave me the above plant to say thankyou. I was bowled over. So sweet, and so uncalled for but how lovely. Turns out the day they landed in the UK everything had been going wrong, everything seemed to be going against them, people weren't being friendly and it was all just going a bit tits up to be honest, and mine was a small gesture but gave them a little lift at the end of the day.

So my point here is this......if someone snaps at you - don't let it get you down - you never know what that person may have been going through. If you can help someone, why not just take a second or two out of your day to help - you never know just how much you might be cheering someone up - how your little action might turn someone's worst day ever into being an ok day.

Aw Mom look what I did!

2011-07-16T09:06:00.000-07:00

Two more dresses. I feel I am slowly getting the hang of this design. It's great as put a cardigan over it or a long sleeved top underneath and I have a dress for any weather. The different fabric is enough to make each dress look different. Before I know it my whole wardrobe is going to end up looking like this I think. The top dress cost me £2.50 in fabric and the bottom one cost me £2.99 and there is still some left over. Way better than going to the shops and buying one of a dozen dresses that look the same......I just wish I'd discovered my sewing machine sooner.

Up All Night

2011-07-14T23:41:00.000-07:00

Well, no I wasn't I went to bed and got awoken this morning by my friend Carl wanting me to get up and give him a second opinion on the new blink-182 song that was released at 1am.

So I dragged my sorry self out of bed.

You might not be excited about the new blink-182 song but I really really am.

So.......tralalahearithere

Right, my opinion, musically it's very interesting. I like the lyrics. A lovely welcome back to the Delonge and Hoppus delivery but..................(I really didn't want there to be one but.....) The chorus is pure AVA. The delivery of the verse sounds like both have breathing difficulties, gaspy. I'm on my 3rd listen but it sounds like someone keeps trying to turn it down at times, I thought maybe it was me trying to wake up but nope it really does happen. I don't have time to pin point where but see if you can hear it, it's kindof when Tom sings '...all these demons' each time!

Overall.........I am excited, it's going to really grow on me I know it but right now, I am sorry but I'm kindof wanting +44 back.

OK I always want +44 back haha but yeah, I feel it fell a little flat. Looking forward to the album though.

I am glad they are back. It will grow on me...it already is. But I fear this is not the blink I know and love....I am really hoping they prove me wrong. I wanted this song to blow me away - it hasn't done that yet - but with an album full of new songs on its way I have hope.

Stitch n Bitch

2011-07-14T01:57:00.000-07:00

So, the top two were actually a dress I'd bought that ended up being a bit obscene when it was on so I took the top and bottom apart, put elastic in the skirt and hey presto not so obscene anymore and took the top, bought some new fabric and made a skirt type piece from that - stitched it together and voila, one skirt and one dress, both of a much more reasonable length. Geez, that makes me sound so old but really no one and I repeat no one looks good with their ass hanging out of their clothes!!!

I then made this, the top is a nice peach fabric with a gold glittery fleck in it. I liked the fabric I used for the bottom half so much, I then made a complete dress out of it. All in one weekend - go me ;op

Is that a little wheeze you have there?

2011-07-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to see Weezer.

Today I feel old and broken.

It was such a good night, such a good band, no pretentions, no bullshit just fun and good songs.

The set list:

Undone - The Sweater Song

My Name Is Jonas

El Scorcho

Holiday

Pink Triangle

Susanne

Island in the Sun

(With intro about London by Rivers)

Teenage Dirtbag (Wheatus cover)

The Good Life

The World Has Turned and Left Me Here

Say it Ain't So

Tired of Sex

You Gave Your Love to Me Softly

Pork and Beans

Across the Sea

The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn)

Only in Dreams

Paranoid Android (Radiohead cover)

Encore:

Hash Pipe

Buddy Holly

During the show Rivers spied a kid in the audience that had an outfit on that he approved of and he said he could come up on stage to sing along to a song and let him pick which song and true to his word he remembered and called the kid up on stage. The show ended with all of Weezer behind the drumkit.

I don't care if you like the band or not, there is a lot that 'celebrities' could learn from the behaviour of a band that have been around a long time, have been successful for a long time, and have no silly airs and graces.

Oh whatever.........

2011-07-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

I am sick and tired, tired and sick bored and bored and bored of the whole beauty debate.

The fact we are still debating it not only says there is still a problem which is beyond sad but also that we are all still buying into it.

If we weren’t, there would be nothing to debate.

The sad truth is that I don’t think this will ever go away.

We all know that beauty if within – well the true true beauty that is really worthwhile but alas you don’t see that on first viewing. It can be what makes you go back but it’s not the thing that attracts you first time round most of the time.

It’s a harsh and unfair reality but that is, my friends, the sort of world we live in.

If we could only looking inside someone then maybe we’d actually get to see more than they had for dinner, wouldn’t it be good if the good guys had hearts that glowed pink or red and the bad people had no glow or their heart glowed black, and by guys I mean people, you girls are included too.

Just at a quick flicker of eye contact we would know if someone was worth bothering about or not.

The values we place on things and people are messed up. Beyond any words I could type. To the point that if you had a quick glance at me you would see a pink heart for “Yay” I am one of the good guys but you’d see it in two pieces.

I hate how films make out that someone is ugly if they wear glasses and braces and once their true beauty is realised they lose the glasses and braces.

If someone is the funny but unlucky in love person they will be shown as fat.

This makes me mad.

I want a lovely personality over fake boobs, fake tan, fake this than and the other any day.

I would hope that most of you would agree.

Fairy washing up liquid. It has a lot to answer for. Once it depicted the homely person as having blonde hair as that was the sort of woman in favour. It apparently altered men’s perceptions and they started to see blonde as homely and brunettes at the racey ones. Really? Something like that can be enough to change how we think or what we think we are attracted too? Well yes apparently it did alter things.

I’ve spoken to a few men in my time about this whole thing and they said that whole cliché ‘Page 3/Jordan’ type is what they say to their mates they want but in reality they would never want in a million years but they feel they have to say it. I am sure there are a few that really want that – you know the ones that collect trophy girlfriends….and don’t even get me started.

There are some girls out there that really don’t help this debate.

But please – stop trying to be that ‘type’ and stop trying to rebel against it too.

How about doing something really radical, I know this is going to shock you but how about JUST BEING YOURSELF AND TRUE TO WHO YOU REALLY ARE!!!!

Story time!

2011-06-10T07:25:00.000-07:00

My friends little boy has been naughty - he was caught hitting a girl - he's only little but.........he pretended to be sick to not go to school as he'd been really told off for his behaviour.

My friend has only just found out - so I wrote this for tonights bedtme story, I wonder if it helps!
Once upon a time there was a little boy. You don’t need to know his name as it doesn’t really matter, but be assured he was very much like you. In more ways than you could ever imagine.

He’s like every little boy out there really.

You don’t even need to know his age. Or where he lives.

He’s just a little boy, who lives, and is like you.

All he really wanted in the world was friends. To fit in. Oh and a new bike.

He used to go to school and play with his friends, come home, demand some biscuits and try to behave.

Every now and then, especially when he was having a bad day, or had eaten too much sugar he would be a little terror and he’d run his Mom, his Dad and his Grandparents ragged. They’d end up exhausted just trying to keep up with him. He would always retort that if he had his new bike he could go out and play on that and be out of their hair.

It hadn’t worked so far, he was still wishing and longing for that new bike, but he was hopeful.

One day he went to school and he saw his friend being mean to this little girl.

He didn’t know the little girl and didn’t know what was going on so he went over to see.

It turned out his friend had a bad day and had taken it out on the little girl because she was smaller than him.

Didn’t really seem fair but others had done it so he thought why not!

One of the bigger boys congratulated his friend, said he was tuff, or something like that. It made his friend smile but the little boy didn’t really know why.

As the day went on he saw other bigger boys pick on other little girls and sometimes on other little boys too.

They would cry and run away and this used to make him laugh. He thought it was really pathetic.

One day he joined in with his friend and he hit the little girl. She cried. He paused for a moment but the laughter of his friend encouraged him, so he kicked her too.

It made him feel big and strong. He liked it. So he decided the next day he would do it again.

What he hadn’t stopped to think about was how this now made him a bully, one of those horrible people that your parents warned you about. That your teachers told you to stand up too.

But he hadn’t thought about that. He didn’t think of it as being a bully.

The next day he went to school and he went looking for this little girl with his friend. He kicked her and he pushed her and she cried. He had never felt so big and strong.

He loved this.
What he hadn’t realised was that the teacher had seen.

What he hadn’t realised was that this little girl had a very big brother who didn’t like to hear of his little sister crying.
What he hadn’t thought about was that Santa doesn’t bring toys or nice new bikes to naughty children.
What he hadn’t thought about was how his parents would feel so let down when they found out what he’d done.
What he hadn’t thought about was how this little girl went home every night and cried, she cried all night and suddenly would dread coming to school. She’d tell her parents she was sick in the hopes they would let her stay off school. She started to be scared of this little boy. Her big brother wanted to hit this little boy but he knew that would then make him a bully too. So he went to the teacher and told her what had happened, as you’re always told to tell a teacher on a bully.
The teacher told the little boy off and he cried. Now all the bullies laughed at him.
His parents were ever so sad by what he had done.
The next day he went to school and he found the little girl. She looked scared. He felt terrible about what he had done and told her so. He told her he was so sorry and he just wanted the other boys to like him.
Then something magical happened. The little girl smiled and shook his hand.
‘I forgive you.’ She said, proving what a lovely person she was.
It was then the little boy realised that this was how you made friends, he promised himself, his teacher, his parents and the little girl that from now on he would be nice.
Even Santa heard that promise and smiled to himself. This little boy could go back on the Christmas list after all.

A birth of broken dreams

2011-06-07T07:23:00.001-07:00

I don't even know when I wrote this - I just found it lying around doing very little on my desk top.

♫ "A birth of broken dreams, This simple answer is never what it seems" ♫

It’s true isn’t it? That song lyric has it spot on. It’s by a band called 30 Seconds to Mars, you may have heard it. You may also be familiar with the Hole lyric ‘I don’t really miss God but I sure miss Santa Claus.’
It made me think. You are born into this perfect world, you have no prejudices, you have no phobias, you have no inhibitions.
Yet by the time you hit your teens you will have become jaded. You will have inhibitions. You will have some prejudices. You will have some phobias. You will have superstitions. And your parents will have lied to you. Repeatedly!
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny.
‘Don’t worry everything will be ok!’
All those little things.
But wasn’t it much nicer when those things were still believable. When you thought that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy were there for you. There was magic and mystery in the air. You felt excited by life, you would have fits of laughter at the slightest little thing. Children laugh so often and so freely.
But where do all these prejudices come from? All these superstitions? Can you imagine any adult without them? It would be so amazing to see how differently they act or how differently they view the world.
That little thing where children are so honest it’s funny but also highly embarrassing. But they just say it how they see it.

Wouldn’t it be nice if adults still did that!?
No lies. No deceit. No making you question yourself.
No broken promises.
The only thing that would be in a million pieces would be Humpty Dumpty and never your heart.