Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Advice for the young at heart?



We've probably all felt a little shy or a little tongue tied as a kid haven't we, felt a little nervous on our first day in a new job but somehow when you become and adult you are just meant to be ok - you are meant to be witty and charming and have an endless supply of conversation starters and that's how life is.
Advice is out there for teens but you don't find much out there for the adult that needs help.
When you see how many people out there are on anti-depressants or are seeking medical help or are cowering in their rooms strangulated by phobias I think it's about time an advice column was set up for those basic 'teenage' issues that follow you into adulthood and can creep up on you when you really think you've got it all together.

For me I've always been a bit unsure of myself. I had a childhood where I was brought up being told I couldn't, shouldn't and can't rather than you can do anything child, it is what it is, but it does mould you. I grew into my own person and spread my wings and got over many hurdles. Then someone tried to crush them all. Their problem, not mine, but that's the thing - some of those insecurities have stayed. I have a total phone phobia, I used to love having long like 3 hour long calls all the time on the phone with friends, but now when it rings my heart is in my mouth and I run the other way. I have this overwhelming urge of never feeling good enough, of feeling ugly. You can't just get over these things, you can't just brush them aside, and it's hard for people to understand. Those that know me think I am ridiculous for thinking such things about me and say the sweetest things to me, those that don't know me no doubt think I am awkward or maybe even rude, but if they only knew.
To walk into a crowded room - well once upon a time someone said I did it with such enthusiasm making everyone feel so welcome - but now - inside I am ready to puke. My ego tells you to look at me, all of you, everyone in the room look at me, but then you do and my heart stops, my throat swells and I wonder what is wrong with me.
I am sure, in fact I am positive I am not alone here.
When this world is putting more and more pressure on people and more and more people are cracking I think we should all losen up a little and learn to talk and help each other and know it's ok to not feel great all the time and to sometimes, as an adult, to need a helping hand.

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