Saturday, 28 January 2012

Did you even know what you really wanted in the first place?

It's true isn't it? Human nature can be amazing but also so, so dumb.

Take house hunting for example - you can tell someone exactly what you want but end up buying a property that is nothing like the spec' you gave out.

It's the same with relationships isn't it.

Even if we don't mean to we can end up with this ideal in our head. And yet seem amazed when the real world doesn't deliver.

A friend of mine has been single for the past few years and feels that each relationship should be like the best romance story ever, that is should bowl you off your feet.

I hate to be the one to tell her that 'Happy ever after' only exists in fairytales. Stories. That wonderful magical place called 'Make Believe.'

It doesn't matter who much you wish for your prince charming or how much you think you deserve it there really is no such thing as the 'perfect' man or woman.

We all have flaws, that is what makes us human, it is also what makes us unique, so it doesn't have to be seen as a bad thing.

A friend almost broke up with her long term partner and everyone was gob smacked. We all decided that no matter how perfect something seems on the surface you never know what goes on behind closed doors. Suddenly my friend did a u-turn. Thankfully she'd never expressed her thoughts of calling time on her relationship to her boyfriend. One day she'd woken up and realised it wasn't him that was the problem, it was her. All her life, well since she could remember being interested in the opposite sex anyway, she had this list of the perfect man. All she could focus on was the things on the list her boyfriend did not have. But she was forgetting about all the things on the list he did have. She readjusted her thinking and realised that her boyfriend was as close to her perfect man as she was probably ever going to get and she suddenly started to notice all the things he did for her, all the things she loved about him. She realised she had to start focusing on what she had, rather than what she hadn't.

That's a great view for life in general. There will always be someone who appears better off than you.
But it's also true that money doesn't buy happiness - we think it buys peace of mind but have you seen those (w)bankers pacing the streets in their lunch breaks with two phones on the go and chain smoking furiously - there is nothing peaceful about it.

Sometimes the more money you have the more debt you have because you have these ridiculous standards you feel you have to live up to - that certain things are expected of you - that you must be this that or the other - suddenly you start to feel good about not being in that position - because you feel more free.

I agree a little more money would always come in handy.....but happiness is found in the weirdest of places. Just like love.

If you force it - it either won't happen or what you get will not really be what you wanted but you can fool yourself for years.

Mr or Mrs Perfect does not exist but the right person for you does.

You might already have met them and not know it. You might be blissfully aware that you have it. You might still be looking.

I think the secret is not to obsess on the things you don't have in this life and just be really grateful for the things that you do. If your house is small and ramshackle - it is still a roof over your head. If your bank balance is always looking more red than black realise that at least you are not starving. If you have one amazing friend but spend much time alone - be grateful for that one amazing friend you have - some people that seem so popular have no one when it really counts. Don't judge by others standards - we are all born different for a reason.

Live life with a smile where possible, with your eyes wide open and a little grace in your heart. Focus on what you have and not on what you haven't.

It changed my friends life - she's blissfully happy with the man she's been with for years. All that changed was her focus.

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