Saturday, 3 December 2011

Here's a message I think I need to repeat again....and again.....and again.

We've all done it, we've all judged a book by its cover.  We've all spread gossip about the person we are in fact jealous of.  We've heard someones name and decided all sorts of things about them.  We take too much at face value without contemplating the more  intricate workings that might be going on underneath.

Haven't we all heard the song where the person hides behind the tears of a clown.  Eminem says we don't have to walk a mile in his shoes.....but maybe we do....and maybe even then we still wouldn't really get it.

What breaks one person can make another.  Just like one persons junk is one persons treasure.  Just like we think certain things about all sorts of things in this world without even bothering to find out what it's all about.

In this day and age with the Internet and all sorts of social media, this is even more apparent and no doubt far more dangerous.  Cyber bullying? It didn't even exist when I was a child in the age before the Internet. 

Pros and Cons, without the Internet there were no blogs, it was harder, but not impossible, to link up with people around the world, back then maybe people knew even less about each other, but there was also a little less pressure.  I love that kids have access to such amazing knowledge on the Internet and can be aware of so much and be so creative.  But like anything this gets abused, and leads to people being abused.

Whichever medium it is done in bullying is bullying and it sucks.

Most of us will agree with that.  But don't we all do it a little every week?  Sadly, maybe even every day?

We hate the things that are different....but do we really or do we just hate not being able to understand.

The secret is to become secure enough in yourself and what you do to be able to just brush off the comments those not in the know make, but have you tried to do that?  It's not so easy is it!  Especially if you had an upbringing where people didn't believe in you or just didn't know how to encourage........

All around us now are images of people who appear to have so much, who appear to be able to do so much, to be able to turn their hand to anything, to be witty, to be funny, to be charming, to be beautiful, to just be this out and out amazing person. 

You scratch the surface though and you will find it not to be quite so.

Sometimes those that laugh the loudest are crying the hardest on the inside.

Sometimes those that are running around exploring and doing everything are the ones running so fast from the monsters inside.

Sometimes the girl that is sat quietly isn't being boring, introverted or not able to fit in, she's just at peace, doesn't need to gossip or waffle, is observing and learning and growing and will speak when there is something worth saying.  Most of us would think it is that person that has the issues but it could be that person that has so much more figured out.  That gets the world and is comfortable with themselves and the world around them.  Not many people are comfortable with silence but it's vital, without silence you would all be speaking and once and no one would be listening, no one would be paying attention and wouldn't that just be wrong?!

We assume so much but hate people to do the same about us, so why do we do it?  You hear a name and instantly you will find you have an image of someone spring to mind, or personality traits that spring to mind.  But a name is one thing you had no choice in, quite probably it was chosen before you were born or minutes after you first breathed in this world.  Yet people might judge you on it for the rest of your days.

Your genetics were decided long before you even knew to care about them.  Unless you have plastic surgery you cannot change this.  And even if you have plastic surgery your offspring will give the game away.

Isn't it more important to learn to like who you are and to learn to love your imperfections, wouldn't that be a better message to put out there but instead we make the whole world feel that you have to be beautiful to succeed.  It's already been stated many times that good looking people are paid more just because.

Thing is - have you met that girl or boy that has been deemed beautiful all their lives?  The pressure they must feel when they start to age.........or in some cases the lack of personality they have developed, or not as the case might be, they've always had people want to be their friend so they've never really had to bother.  Whereas the fat kid....well quite often they will have you in stitches as they have had to become the funny ones to be noticed and to get friends.  Well weight can be gained or lost easily but personality? It's not so easy to change once you are an adult.

Look at the people you went to school with.  Look at them now.  I bet a lot of the ones that were 'top dog' at school have not changed that much, their crowning moment was at school.......that hits me as a bit sad really.

Some people have natural style, some people have a stylist and some people struggle, but this does not tell us everything about that person but many of us will have judged at some point and not spoken to someone, or not been as nice to someone just because......

Some people really don't care to get to know the person inside.  Some will even blame you for not telling them your full story.

Forget about them.

Easier said than done right because quite often those people that will be quick to judge or blame you will also be the loud ones in the group and therefore you will feel you have to win their acceptance before you can move forward or expect anyone else to give you the time of day.  This is dangerous as will or can lead to you not being yourself.  It can lead to you pretending to be something you are not and believe me no matter how much you might wish to be someone else sometimes, pretending to be someone or something you are not is not the route to happiness.

It's hard to be brave enough to say you know what? If you don't like me, that's OK, I am a good person and I know I will find people that will appreciate that, you are obviously not one of those people and that's fine, and then walk away with all your dignity intact.

It's hard to think well I am a good person therefore I am OK.  Because most of us have insecurities, we all have good and bad days.  We all have the weight of the world on our shoulders sometimes.  We all cry ourselves to sleep over something.  Those things don't change with fame or money.  For many it would seem they get worse with fame and money.  How many rich celebrities do you know of that have alcohol and/or substance issues?

You wish you could be more outgoing so will beat yourself up each time you don't do something that a more outgoing person would.

You hate yourself for not being able to dress that way, or have hair like that.......the list is endless.

But we all constantly miss the very fact that we are all born different for a reason.......we all look different for a horrid would the world be if we all looked the same and all acted the would be like a real life Gap advert on repeat over and over and over again.

Maybe the key to happiness has nothing to do with our name, or our looks or our bank balance or how many friends we (appear to) have.

Maybe the truly rich can just get on with life, intermingle with many, trust and cherish just a few.  How can you be a really good friend to 200 people, 100 people, 50 people? You can't really can you as there are just not enough hours in the day and no matter what your size, there just will never be enough of you to go around.

Sometimes the loud outgoing people will criticise you and bitch about you - not really thinking about how it makes them look or how much it might hurt you, they are just desperately trying to stop anyone else seeing their flaws or their insecurities.

The 'popular' people have the power to be very destructive and sadly I feel many are not aware of this.

For example, I was asked to sing a song as the works Christmas party.  I love to sing......but when no one is around.  I cannot sing in front of people I don't really's not even a choice for me, my throat closes up....that's not fun for anyone, but someone more gregarious would not understand this and will make all sorts of judgements about me, but they don't know the story behind it and neither do you and you don't have to, and you don't even have to care....but don't think you know the answers because that is lazy, damaging and potentially dangerous.  What, it's just meant to be a little bit of fun? Oh hell why didn't you just say that.  Yeah I am rolling my eyes - because you see I know that and I wish it would be that way and because I can't do it I beat myself up even more.

I don't think many people in my life know just how bad some things are in my head, that I myself assume so much.  I think people won't like me and I will project that out there and find all sorts of evidence to prove I am right but really I am looking at it from a bias point of view.

That is worth remembering.  If you think something - don't assume others are thinking it too - the truth is they are probably too busy thinking about themselves to realise that you are having your own personal melt down.

If only people would stop to think, to listen, to notice.  Read between the lines.  To listen to what is not being said.  To take a moment to care.  If only we could break the spell that so many fall into - to fit in you have to join in with the bitching and moaning otherwise you are boring or a square or weak.

Not true - it actually shows you are a remarkable individual with great strength.

But good luck waiting for the rest of the world to catch up with that one.

You don't have to be wearing the latest fashion or the most popular label, those are things that are people trying to find themselves and following the masses, being told what to like.  You don't have to go to the latest club.  You don't even have to go out at all.  You don't have to have 600 friends on facebook.  You don't even have to have don't have to do anything but keep breathing.

If you have one person in this world that truly gets you and truly cares about you and doesn't judge you, then you are already infinitely better off that most - so why not put your energies into being that someone for someone else.

When you see the girl with an old fashioned dress, bad hair, thick glasses.......don't judge her, don't try to make her feel bad just so you can get a cheap laugh, don't try to pick on don't know her story and you might just find that in years to come when she's bloomed that she is the very girl you really wish you could be.

You know my name but you don't know my story......why not take the time to get to know understand it, to learn from it, to help me, to help others, to help build be more open be blown cry..........that's what real friendship and the best bits of human nature are all about.

Next time you want to make someone feel bad.....stop and think...............

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