Friday, 3 June 2011

I ramble along

You and I got a reason to live, now I'm drunk I don't know what it is

Is it etiquette? No-one gives a shit but me, I'm on my own

Going nowhere, going nowhere

Nowhere fast

Lightning fast

That song has been going round and around my head this morning, on repeat.

Last night I had a dream that I was on the outside of so much looking in, my Dad had kicked me out of home, there was something about a cooked meal not being right.

Anyway I ended up having to kip over at a friends whose house didn’t look like it normally did – and a big family was coming to stay – it all got a bit weird with lots of weird faces and people hiding and some people trying to be really sweet but in that kind of menacing way.

My friend was acting weird like she was going somewhere but didn’t want me to know but it was something that was going to help me. My family walked in the room and they didn’t recognise me at first and I remember hiding behind a sheet so they wouldn’t see me. The whole situation was making me not trust anyone and doubt my thoughts and feelings for everyone.

And it got me thinking………

Recently a friend had a fall out with her childhood best friend. Now that is sad in itself but also not too surprising as it’s been said we become quite a different person every couple of years due to all that we go through, see and experience. To actually still have things in common with someone you knew as a toddler is probably pushing it. But some people manage to grow together and some just seem to grow apart.

We shouldn’t take those things personally, but we do.

Some people handle the whole situation really badly too. They show such an ugly side to their personality that there is no going back for the other friend. Even if you are the friend that walks away knowing it’s for the best you still get this sense of loss. You almost need to grieve for that relationship that once was. And no doubt you’ll still take it personally sometimes too.

I take most things personally. It’s really tiring and to be honest it’s quite egotistical too as it’s implying that everything that everyone does is about me or has me in the focus which is just out right ridiculous, but I still do it.

If you are a kind and caring person it’s true that in this world you will find people that will walk all over you. If you are the forgiving friend there are times you will also feel like the forgotten friend. But all these things are really valuable as they help you to learn a lot about yourself and about others.

You know who to really invest in, who to invest in lightly and who to just withdraw all funds from.

You’ll find there are some groups, especially working relationships that if you are the person that tries to be kind to everyone you will find yourself on the fringes, but if you bitch about someone then you will be welcomed into ‘the group’ a little, as though you are showing some allegiance to them by being a bitch about someone else. Jokes are made at others expense so that we can fit in. Imagine if they heard though? You could destroy that persons day over something that you don’t really mean, or a trait that you have highly exaggerated just to get a cheap laugh. And how pathetic that as fully grown adults that is the way we choose to find a bond, that is the way we choose to work out who is acceptable and who isn’t.

The even sadder thing is that you can quite often find the ring leader of such a group is the most insecure and sensitive person but does all this so they don’t ever get the finger pointed at them. They probably know themselves the least as they will have set up all sorts of barriers to stop themselves having to stare into the pit of our true selves. It’s like a truth mirror, how many of you would really be able to look in it? You’d be curious for sure, would you peep and then break the mirror so you never have to deal with ‘the truth’. Would you make everyone else look in it but never go there yourself? I bet most wouldn’t be able to stand in front of it and really look.

Take another trait that can really push you to the edges of every social circle. Social phobias

Thing is, have you ever stopped and really listened to the people that always seem to have something to say, in any situation? 9 times out of 10 they are talking drivel, or it’s all really fluffy filler conversation. When the quiet one talks it is far more likely to be a well thought out sentence or something quite profound.

You can also find it with people adamant on living life to the full. There are two types of people here, those that do things just so they have something to talk about/brag about/make them feel acceptable these are usually the ones that do drugs, go to every party, say yes to every invite, travel the world………and there is not necessarily anything wrong with that at all but I would question many people’s motives. Those that really live life to the full don’t really need to go anywhere, just they keep their eyes open. They absorb so much of every second of the day – they notice the little things. And I think we all know that it’s the little things that quite often count. I am sure I just made a million blokes feel happy there but what I am talking about is the small things that show you are paying attention. They show you care. They can also be the little details of life that take the pretty to the mind blowingly beautiful. If you are in such a rush to get to the end result so you can say ‘See me, look at me, listen to me.’ Then you will miss some of the best things ever. The journey can be the biggest and best thing, so slow down, enjoy the ride, look at it all.

But how does any of this help if you are on the outside looking in.

Well if you look, you’ll find many other people stood alone, feeling exactly the same. These are probably the people you should approach. Those that talk all the time don’t tend to listen. They don’t tend to make the good friends. They spend the conversation just waiting for their turn to speak again. This isn’t always ego, it can be insecurity too.

But it’s better to speak when there is something to say than just talk rot all day. Those people might be popular on the surface, but scratch a little deeper and see what is going on underneath? Incessant insecure jabber or not very much.

Not always I know, I am being bad at generalising here but that’s because I have a few characters in mind, you see them everywhere, in every group so that’s why I am pin pointing things like I am.

You look at the kids that struggled at school – most of them make the far more interesting adults.

Look at the adults that have their own mind and don’t feel the need to fit into any one group.

They will have the much more varied eclectic tastes.

Those that run with the crowd are normally shit scared of being singled out, standing out, being noticed.

The shy kid quite often ends up more eccentric bringing more attention to themselves. Weird how that works out ay!

People are scared by what they don’t know. If they can’t look at you and sum you up – put a label on you, know which box to put you in you are a threat.

You are a threat because you might judge them or make them look internally.

It’s an old saying but it’s true that most bullies are insecure or/and jealous.

Imagine a world where everyone runs with the crowd. We’d be faceless, souless, the world would be dull.

People let us down, it's sad but true.  So don't rely on how others are with you to decipher whether you feel good or bad about yourself, don't let someone's behaviour dictate your mood or feelings, you don't know what they are going through or anything, so find the courage within yourself to say Yep I am ok! And if you really don't think you are then do something about it.  Rely on yourself not the big world out there.
Nature is full of different groups that swish and swirl on each others borders and it makes a beautiful bigger picture.

Embrace your individuality. If someone is going to push you to the outskirts of a social circle count yourself lucky – just think how threatened that group are! Make your own social group and don’t apologise about yourself to anyone – don’t let anyone make you feel bad for who you are.

If a friendship isn’t working or there’s a group of people you don’t fit in with – it’s probably for a reason. You don’t have to be a bitch about it but don’t waste your valuable time and life on things that obviously weren’t meant to be.

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