Monday, 30 May 2011

Make your own piece of magic!

But it sucks for all of us sometimes too! No matter what you have in life you will always want something more or something different.

Some things are always going to go wrong, fade away or fail but there are things you can do to make that journey a little less bumpy.  A little less traumatic for everyone involved.

It's easy to think that everyone else has things better.

Or that the grass is always greener.  Isn't that the most famous saying of all.

Thing is once you get on that greener grass - you look back at where you were and quite often that's the patch that suddenly looks greener.  Maybe it's just your shadow but what I do know is that your shadow never leaves you, it's always there, peering over your shoulder.  And by shadow - I mean your problems ok!

You can run until you can run no more but what do you know - your problems are still there.

The answers take time and a lot of soul searching - no one has found those answers at the bottom of a whiskey bottle or within the creases of a wrap of speed.  No one has found the solution by flexing their credit card, by cutting into their arm or by eating that whole pie.

No one else is to blame either.

You get what you are given in your life and it's up to you not to get bitter about that - it's up to you to make the most of what you have.

We learn things pretty quickly when we're younger.  Because we are young, not stupid! A small child may barely be able to speak but they will be soaking up their environment - they will be hearing the things that are said to them - they will be seeing what goes on.....and they will remember.  Believe me they will remember.

The biggest message I have is that life is tough, relationships are tough, friendships are tough, children are tough.  Just getting from your bed and through the day so you can make it back to bed in one piece is tough.  But all those things can be immensely rewarding too.
Do you really think if you had a bit more money all your problems would go away?
Do you really think that if you were 10 lbs lighter that all your problems would go away?
Do you really think that if you were in a relationship that all your problems would go away?

We learn a lot from our parents, not all of it is good - but as we become adults ourselves we have the right and the responsibility to take those things we've learnt and to use them as best we can.  There will be some things we learnt, or maybe a lot of what we learnt is damaging, hurtful and most unfortunate.  But as an adult we have the capabilities to realise this and do something about it, not to walk around this world damaged, blaming everyone else or taking it out on everyone else.  The worse thing, but probably the easiest, is to repeat those patterns and make the circle keep on spinning, that wheel of destruction.

It's hard to sit back and connect the dots but with a little time and care you can.  You can work out why you are insecure, why you are jealous, why you feel ugly, why you feel like a failure, why you can't make relationships work, why you sabbotage your own happiness.  It might not be the most comfortable lessons you learn but they will be the most fruitful.

A lot of us will grow up in unhappy homes.  We will see our parents fight, we will see them shout at each other, lie to each other, maybe even cheat on each other, we might even see them physically hurt each other.  As a child this is all we know.  We might think this is the norm' and that's it's ok.  Or we might find ourselves hiding on the stairs listening to yet another row, wondering if it's our fault.  This is where the responsible adult comes in, don't make your child's first impression of a loving relationship be anything but a loving relationship.  Don't send them out into the world thinking that love is a bad thing that hurts people, or that people just hurt you and leave you in the end anyway.  Don't let them doubt their existance, don't let them think they are ruined.  Let them know they can be anything.  Let them know that their parents love them no matter what.  Let them see what a loving relationship in this world really is.  Give them these good and vital tools so they can go out there and build their own family that will grow into a lovely family, producing fine human beings.  That is the biggest thing you can ever do for your child.

If you happen to be one of those children that comes from a damaged environment, remember that it doesn't have to be that way - look around  you and see that it's not the norm' after all that there are bigger and better things and go after them - don't just accept your fate as the same as your parents. You are you and they are they.  Remember none of us gets a manual.  Most of us try our best.  Just sometimes are best isn't good enough all the time.

If you want something then shoot for the stars.  Be positive.  Why don't you deserve it?

If you feel ugly and fat and horrible, then try to change the way you think.  Focus on other things.  Find something you are really good at or happy about and focus on that as much as you can.  Walk around with a smile on your face.  You would be amazed how far a little smile and some positive thinking gets you.

You don't have to earn loads of money to be happy.  You end up getting trapped by material, unimportant possessions if you aren't careful.

Don't judge someone by how they look - you are born with a face that you can do little to change. It might not be considered by this judgemental, airbrushed world but you can make your inner beauty shine - and that shines far greater.

Don't think it's easy.  You have to fight for what you beleive in and for what you want.  You can't just roll over or think oh but I smiled yesterday but today I still feel fat.

Also realise I am a hypercrite as I have many days where I really struggle.  Nothing in my life is perfect, but every day I can say hand on heart I've honestly tried.  Some days it's not good enough but some days it is.

So go out into the world and embrace who you are.  Put a big smile on your face and treat everyone with respect.  Treat others how you wish to be treated.  If we all did that this world would be a lovely place.

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