Wednesday, 12 January 2011

The beauty of the unspoken word

Sometimes I forget to say things out loud. I forget that I am sitting with people and not actually saying the things I am thinking out loud. I don’t know if that’s good or bad as sometimes when I do say the things I am thinking out loud the looks I get make me burst out laughing.

Maybe that is why I am sitting under this tree, alone, except for my apple, a daisy chain I made about 5 minutes ago but already don’t recall making and my book.

I always have my book.

It doesn’t even really matter which book, I just have to have a book. It makes me feel comforted to feel it juggling about in my bag as I head off anywhere.

Well you never know when you will find the prefect tree to take a break under.

Or when the situation you are in will get boring and you have the book to rescue you.

Or when you hear a great conversation and you can hide behind your book pretending to read and really just sit and listen in. I’ve done that once, almost got caught out when the book I was holding was upside down. It’s hard to look cool in a moment of realisation like that. I think my stupid smile deflected the attention.

I’ve been thinking about all sorts today. What colour I should do my hair next. What trainers could I wear that would go with vintage dresses to take away the doll like look. What barrettes do I not already own as it’s nice to have little treats to make you feel better and it’s better to buy barrettes than yet more candy. I’ve eaten my way through a whole packet of jelly beans. I think I only tasted about 2. I shouldn’t have washed them all down with coffee either, the taste in my mouth is not pleasant.

Why is that man staring at me? He looks like he’s in a trance. I wonder what he’s thinking? Who is he? Why is he staring at me? I’ve waved to him but he’s not broken his stare. It’s not cute anymore. Now it’s freaking me out. I feel like I should leave but at the same time, this is my tree, this is my spot, this is my time. Stupid humans.

The man seems to be drawing me. I guess that is kindof cool. I’d do that too if I could only draw. A sort of picture diary of the things that I notice in the day. I carry a notepad around for such things but I always end up just taking a picture or just a mental snapshot and going on my way. I hate how when you take a photo people all around you stop and stare at what you were looking at. It’s my vision – find your own!!!!!

Now I wish I was a bird – soaring around in the skies, spending my down time in the trees. I don’t really fancy eating worms though, hang that I think I’d rather just be a cloud then. Just floating about, making different shapes, travelling the world. I mean they do travel the world don’t they – changing and forming into different shapes like secret spies or something. They are not all new clouds are they? Or are they use once and destroy type things? They rain once then they are gone?

I am really wanting to see the drawing the man has done of me but I might be insulted so I think it’s best to just go back to reading my book. I’ve proven that I am no good with people so what is the point in even trying to make conversation with him. To be sat in a park on his own, drawing strangers probably says he’s as inept at me at all this making friends and being sociable stuff.

Anyway – I can see my bus is about to leave across the road, I’ve now got to run again to catch it. I hope I don’t lose a barrette again. I am sure that my mark on this world will be just to leave a trail of plastic brightly coloured hair slides everywhere I go.

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