Tuesday, 6 December 2011

The Secret of Lost Things

The Secret of Lost ThingsThe Secret of Lost Things by Sheridan Hay


My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Now this book has been a hard one to review because there were times I didn't really get into what was going on or felt like I really cared about all the characters and I am still torn between a 4/5 or a 3/5....there is something comforting, something interesting, something that keeps you reading this book through to the end.....something.....that I can't quite put my finger on.


The characters are eccentric in quite a real way. The bookstore kind of how you think they should be - quirky and old with hidden offices. The ultimate story was of not much interest to me though but it's one of those that the journey was better than the end goal. That's not to say that the ending was in anyway disappointing but I didn't care too much, I was more interested in the characters and the psychology behind them.


One to definitely read and I'll be keeping an eye on what other people thought of this quite odd, quirky novel.




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The Children's House of Belsen

The Children's House at BelsenThe Children's House at Belsen by Hetty Verolme


My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Amazing book!


But what a shame it had to be written.


A part of history that is deeply shocking, even today.


A part of history that sadly is still being repeated today.


Why has the world not learnt? Why has human nature not changed?


Anyway - this book was billed as quite an uplifting story of the Holocaust. I did not believe that there could ever be such a thing. But to be sure, it is.


The horrors are there, but they are not too described, they are not quite gloss over, but it's almost like the author knew we would already know about it all, would already have seen the startling, depressing images of the beatings and the starvation.


This concentrates more on the daily trying to get by, the struggle for food and the closeness of the bonds that are formed between the children.


I normally cry at Holocaust stories, and although this was ultimately sad in places....ok it's horrific and sad full stop but there is a lovely story of survival, of friendship and good triumphing against evil.




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Saturday, 3 December 2011

Here's a message I think I need to repeat again....and again.....and again.

We've all done it, we've all judged a book by its cover.  We've all spread gossip about the person we are in fact jealous of.  We've heard someones name and decided all sorts of things about them.  We take too much at face value without contemplating the more  intricate workings that might be going on underneath.

Haven't we all heard the song where the person hides behind the tears of a clown.  Eminem says we don't have to walk a mile in his shoes.....but maybe we do....and maybe even then we still wouldn't really get it.

What breaks one person can make another.  Just like one persons junk is one persons treasure.  Just like we think certain things about all sorts of things in this world without even bothering to find out what it's all about.

In this day and age with the Internet and all sorts of social media, this is even more apparent and no doubt far more dangerous.  Cyber bullying? It didn't even exist when I was a child in the age before the Internet. 

Pros and Cons, without the Internet there were no blogs, it was harder, but not impossible, to link up with people around the world, back then maybe people knew even less about each other, but there was also a little less pressure.  I love that kids have access to such amazing knowledge on the Internet and can be aware of so much and be so creative.  But like anything this gets abused, and leads to people being abused.

Whichever medium it is done in bullying is bullying and it sucks.

Most of us will agree with that.  But don't we all do it a little every week?  Sadly, maybe even every day?

We hate the things that are different....but do we really or do we just hate not being able to understand.

The secret is to become secure enough in yourself and what you do to be able to just brush off the comments those not in the know make, but have you tried to do that?  It's not so easy is it!  Especially if you had an upbringing where people didn't believe in you or just didn't know how to encourage........

All around us now are images of people who appear to have so much, who appear to be able to do so much, to be able to turn their hand to anything, to be witty, to be funny, to be charming, to be beautiful, to just be this out and out amazing person. 

You scratch the surface though and you will find it not to be quite so.


Sometimes those that laugh the loudest are crying the hardest on the inside.

Sometimes those that are running around exploring and doing everything are the ones running so fast from the monsters inside.

Sometimes the girl that is sat quietly isn't being boring, introverted or not able to fit in, she's just at peace, doesn't need to gossip or waffle, is observing and learning and growing and will speak when there is something worth saying.  Most of us would think it is that person that has the issues but it could be that person that has so much more figured out.  That gets the world and is comfortable with themselves and the world around them.  Not many people are comfortable with silence but it's vital, without silence you would all be speaking and once and no one would be listening, no one would be paying attention and wouldn't that just be wrong?!



We assume so much but hate people to do the same about us, so why do we do it?  You hear a name and instantly you will find you have an image of someone spring to mind, or personality traits that spring to mind.  But a name is one thing you had no choice in, quite probably it was chosen before you were born or minutes after you first breathed in this world.  Yet people might judge you on it for the rest of your days.

Your genetics were decided long before you even knew to care about them.  Unless you have plastic surgery you cannot change this.  And even if you have plastic surgery your offspring will give the game away.

Isn't it more important to learn to like who you are and to learn to love your imperfections, wouldn't that be a better message to put out there but instead we make the whole world feel that you have to be beautiful to succeed.  It's already been stated many times that good looking people are paid more just because.

Thing is - have you met that girl or boy that has been deemed beautiful all their lives?  The pressure they must feel when they start to age.........or in some cases the lack of personality they have developed, or not as the case might be, they've always had people want to be their friend so they've never really had to bother.  Whereas the fat kid....well quite often they will have you in stitches as they have had to become the funny ones to be noticed and to get friends.  Well weight can be gained or lost easily but personality? It's not so easy to change once you are an adult.

Look at the people you went to school with.  Look at them now.  I bet a lot of the ones that were 'top dog' at school have not changed that much, their crowning moment was at school.......that hits me as a bit sad really.

Some people have natural style, some people have a stylist and some people struggle, but this does not tell us everything about that person but many of us will have judged at some point and not spoken to someone, or not been as nice to someone just because......

Some people really don't care to get to know the person inside.  Some will even blame you for not telling them your full story.

Forget about them.

Easier said than done right because quite often those people that will be quick to judge or blame you will also be the loud ones in the group and therefore you will feel you have to win their acceptance before you can move forward or expect anyone else to give you the time of day.  This is dangerous as will or can lead to you not being yourself.  It can lead to you pretending to be something you are not and believe me no matter how much you might wish to be someone else sometimes, pretending to be someone or something you are not is not the route to happiness.

It's hard to be brave enough to say you know what? If you don't like me, that's OK, I am a good person and I know I will find people that will appreciate that, you are obviously not one of those people and that's fine, and then walk away with all your dignity intact.

It's hard to think well I am a good person therefore I am OK.  Because most of us have insecurities, we all have good and bad days.  We all have the weight of the world on our shoulders sometimes.  We all cry ourselves to sleep over something.  Those things don't change with fame or money.  For many it would seem they get worse with fame and money.  How many rich celebrities do you know of that have alcohol and/or substance issues?

You wish you could be more outgoing so will beat yourself up each time you don't do something that a more outgoing person would.

You hate yourself for not being able to dress that way, or have hair like that.......the list is endless.

But we all constantly miss the very fact that we are all born different for a reason.......we all look different for a reason..........how horrid would the world be if we all looked the same and all acted the same....it would be like a real life Gap advert on repeat over and over and over again.

Maybe the key to happiness has nothing to do with our name, or our looks or our bank balance or how many friends we (appear to) have.

Maybe the truly rich can just get on with life, intermingle with many, trust and cherish just a few.  How can you be a really good friend to 200 people, 100 people, 50 people? You can't really can you as there are just not enough hours in the day and no matter what your size, there just will never be enough of you to go around.

Sometimes the loud outgoing people will criticise you and bitch about you - not really thinking about how it makes them look or how much it might hurt you, they are just desperately trying to stop anyone else seeing their flaws or their insecurities.

The 'popular' people have the power to be very destructive and sadly I feel many are not aware of this.

For example, I was asked to sing a song as the works Christmas party.  I love to sing......but when no one is around.  I cannot sing in front of people I don't really know......it's not even a choice for me, my throat closes up....that's not fun for anyone, but someone more gregarious would not understand this and will make all sorts of judgements about me, but they don't know the story behind it and neither do you and you don't have to, and you don't even have to care....but don't think you know the answers because that is lazy, damaging and potentially dangerous.  What, it's just meant to be a little bit of fun? Oh hell why didn't you just say that.  Yeah I am rolling my eyes - because you see I know that and I wish it would be that way and because I can't do it I beat myself up even more.

I don't think many people in my life know just how bad some things are in my head, that I myself assume so much.  I think people won't like me and I will project that out there and find all sorts of evidence to prove I am right but really I am looking at it from a bias point of view.

That is worth remembering.  If you think something - don't assume others are thinking it too - the truth is they are probably too busy thinking about themselves to realise that you are having your own personal melt down.




If only people would stop to think, to listen, to notice.  Read between the lines.  To listen to what is not being said.  To take a moment to care.  If only we could break the spell that so many fall into - to fit in you have to join in with the bitching and moaning otherwise you are boring or a square or weak.

Not true - it actually shows you are a remarkable individual with great strength.

But good luck waiting for the rest of the world to catch up with that one.

You don't have to be wearing the latest fashion or the most popular label, those are things that are people trying to find themselves and following the masses, being told what to like.  You don't have to go to the latest club.  You don't even have to go out at all.  You don't have to have 600 friends on facebook.  You don't even have to have 6......you don't have to do anything but keep breathing.



If you have one person in this world that truly gets you and truly cares about you and doesn't judge you, then you are already infinitely better off that most - so why not put your energies into being that someone for someone else.

When you see the girl with an old fashioned dress, bad hair, thick glasses.......don't judge her, don't try to make her feel bad just so you can get a cheap laugh, don't try to pick on her..........you don't know her story and you might just find that in years to come when she's bloomed that she is the very girl you really wish you could be.

You know my name but you don't know my story......why not take the time to get to know it......to understand it, to learn from it, to help me, to help others, to help yourself....to build bridges.......to be more open minded........to be blown away....to laugh......to cry..........that's what real friendship and the best bits of human nature are all about.

Next time you want to make someone feel bad.....stop and think...............

Who even cares?

Where did it go wrong?  Is it wrong? Is it even a problem? Is anyone else here aware of how I think/feel?

I have been in this job for just over 3 years.

Yet I still feel like I don't really know any of the people I work with.
Every job I’ve ever had I’ve made friends with everyone as in been able to get on with everyone, have chats, go out for a few beers, put the world to rights and a few have stayed friends from every place I’ve worked.

Except here.

Here I don’t feel like I know anyone.

Sure you see people and you can natter, I've been down the pub with some of them and out for lunch with others and it's been really nice.

But something isn't quite clicking....or so it feels to me.
See, I am not in an office with any of the other workers here, and I have to greet the actors and actresses as they come into work so cannot leave my post. So I can’t wonder around the building to gossip or catch up with anyone.

I don’t hear the weekend gossip.




My breaks are not at set times and quite often end up being after or before the rest of the building. Some people I might see for 10 minutes a week. Some fleeting here and there during the day.

If peopel arrange to go out after work I quite often don't hear about it until the last moment and due to how busy I am these days with all the writing and my counselling course I need a bit of notice with things.  Sadly the spontenaity has to go to a degree as I have to be so organised with my time.  I wonder if it's ever been taken the wrong way?
Does it make me come across like I am being aloof?

Thing is you only have to scratch the surface to know that I am not that way.
To all my friends I appear to be confident, funny and chatty….almost too chatty.
To myself I would say I am crap.
I wonder what the people at work think?



When I see them we seem to get on….they appear to be nice people.

So why is it so different in this work place to any others I have been in?

Of course I point the finger at me and say everything in the whole world that is wrong it’s my fault, that’s the sort of person I am inside. I think everything is my fault. But I’ve never been like this in any other company at all.

Ponder Ponder……

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Rarrr and a little Grrr!

Today is rant day.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Number 1 – 90% of the people I met on my walk to work today had no clue about manners. Why is this? I am old enough and young enough to know how to be polite and courteous – even to people that don’t always deserve it.


What has changed since I grew up? Well, I guess there are more broken homes and there is now no discipline in schools for kids – they have nothing to fear – they know a teacher can’t touch them and I don’t mean just physically either. Now maybe you shouldn’t rule by fear but let’s face it if you thought you would get into trouble it would be a deterrent for a lot of things.

There are kids out there today that are very well mannered – so it shows it can still be done – admittedly it seems like those numbers are dwindling but there’s enough presence there to give me a bit of hope still.

So it must be the examples set by the older generation? But if I now how to be polite then why don’t they – they are older than me and therefore should know better surely?

Number 2 – Pastry dough boy – also known as our Prime Minister.
I’ve not trained in Politics and don’t pretend to know much about the world but I do have a sense for when things are wrong. I am sick to death of MP’s moaning about the mess labour left them, whether this is true or not can be debated forever but there are two vital points here, one is that labour inherited a world of shit from the previous conservative government and so on and so forth – so it would seem like mute point – swings and roundabouts, sticks and stones. The second more important thing is – so here’s the problem, it doesn’t really matter who caused it – it is now the job of the conservative government to sort it out so stop name calling and do your job please. There are things they have tried that blatantly aren’t working – that’s ok – these things happen sometimes – but the real failure is to just carry on out of sheer bloody mindedness in not wanting to admit you got it wrong. This is a very childish and dangerous way to run a country and sadly this seems to be the way the current Government is running ours. The housing situation is a disaster and that was caused by Maggie Thatcher selling the council housing. The economy of the UK is a disaster. That was started with Maggie Thatcher breaking up industry – but I am not here to name call – it’s obvious that if you get rid of industry you lose a lot of the power a country has, you also can’t cope well when other countries you rely on go into melt down. You need to grow more of your own so to speak – be more self sufficient – people have been working this out for years so why haven’t the people that run our country? When you have families being forced into squats you know there is a serious thing going on – the Government’s solution is to put £400 million into cutting costs of buying your own home. Do they not understand that the average Jo has no money? The average Jo is being blamed for not shopping enough and it’s us that need to sort the economy out by spending more….how can we when wages for the average Jo are going down or have been frozen, when we don’t get bonuses and the food, rent, fuel, travel costs are rocketing whilst the top dogs give themselves ridiculous bonuses. The answer to this from the Government is that they never told companies to get rid of staff but it was obvious that was going to happen – the powers that be are the ones paying themselves ridiculous wages to themselves so of course they don’t want to lose that so bye bye average Jo. EVERYONE knew this was going to happen so why didn’t the Government? Are they really that out of touch? And if so then OH FUCK! As they are making the decisions about my well fare and my country. Should I pack my bags now?


Why not put people on responsible wages with responsible performance related bonuses. This would help bring down the cost of things in general. Why not put a limit on rental costs and give bad landlords massive fines for not letting out property in a good condition – this is basic needs.

The future looks horrible.

People are being brought up with way too much choice – with way too much pressure on them. The TV is full of idiots making money for being idiots – this is hardly going to breed a good nation.

When you look into the future you want to feel some hope. I don’t think this Government has done that at all and rather than admitting some things have worked they just say it’s not their fault it was the previous government. Bad management. Lazy answer. And they are running the country…….whilst the bankers carry on behaving in the way that messed the country up in the first place……….

Number 3 – For all of you out there moaning about Christmas…smile god dammit. It’s a time of good cheer to all men (and women and children), it’s a time to get into the spirit of things and try to feel a part of something.


If we hadn’t lost community it would be a much more fun affair for far more people. We would all know old Bob down the road that was lonely and invite him over for some Christmas Pud. We’d know if Aunt Flo round the corner couldn’t get out and would collect her shopping for her and maybe throw in a surprise box of mince pies. We’d gather our families and our loved ones together and that would be the true spirit of Christmas – not the hallmark holiday it’s become. Where people are getting into ridiculous debt to buy ridiculous amounts of things for their children who will just want more and more and more. But we don’t have to buy into that – we could make that change, we could make it the lovely family affair that I think it should be. Why not take this opportunity to build some bridges and mend some old ones. This year think of those that are lonely and help make them not so. Think of your family and give them the gift of some quality time together. That costs nothing but the effect will last far longer than the computer game or latest trend.


Let’s see beyond our noses and be happy!


All it takes to make this world a lovely place is for people to be kind to one another.
Sounds so simple…and yet……..

Saturday, 26 November 2011

Goodreads.com

The Kindness of StrangersThe Kindness of Strangers by Katrina Kittle


My rating: 5 of 5 stars


When I started reading this book very quickly I realised the 'shock' was going to really upset me and make this quite difficult reading - only because I am a caring person with a very over active imagination.


The story is based around a family that help out a little boy. The little boy is being used by his parents for sex. It has been some of the most uncomfortable reading that has made me so angry.....but not because of the writing style - far from it. Katrina has really researched this and has written in scenarios which no doubt really have had happened. It is harrowing stuff but once again Katrina's writing is amazing and I have to say I was very happy with the ending. The saddest thing about this book is that there really are adults out there that prey on children and there are way too many children that have had to endure such abuse. I think this was brave writing, a very difficult subject matter to handle. Katrina has done this well.




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Friday, 25 November 2011

Tra la la

On a happier note to the other post - I just went shopping!
I have great charity stores by me.
I would never have gone in a charity store as a child but now.......

I get bored of my clothes a lot! I hate being stuck in one image - I did the mod thing for years and now love the freedom of confusing people ;o) 

Now I can give my old clothes to charity.  I can buy new clothes from there and the money will be donated to charity - a double donation and I win too.

I mean where else can you get a lovely wool blazer for a fiver!!!  Or a lovely Johnny Loves Rosie bag for the same price!

Or a magick book for 20pence - and don't for one minute try to make out I didn't need it!  I mean now I have a spell to banish bad hair days, to make people leave me alone, making friends spell - the list goes on and on!

And ok these weren't in today's purchases but they did come in the post! Well Mr Octupus anyone who knows me will know I've had for quite some time, the little cinderella coach also - the hot air balloon is my homage to Carl and Ellie from up and the Carousel - well just because I want one in my garden that I don't have so badly that this will have to do for now.

Now I do have to go and make the most of my day off work - ie go and watch lots of movies!

Sick F*@ks

Does that sound harsh?

How about after you see this?


This is a tradition in the Faroe Islands.  Pilot Whales meet the 'civilised' species.  For this to happen once is digusting, tragic, unforgiveable.  This happens EVERY YEAR.

Apparently it makes you a man.

Now these whales are not endangered, and form a part of Denmarks diet.  But does it really have to be this brutal?

Trapping these animals and struggling with them to kill them, to let them drain free of blood into the waters.  It's quite a gory site, and little children are present being told such barbaric scenes are ok!?!

Because the Pilot Whale isn't endangered this practice has largely been left to carry on..........but times have changed so should some customs.

I would think when this started 1,000 or more years ago there were not many people living on the Faroe Islands and this meat was probably used to keep them alive all year.  Now we have much more convenient ways to go shopping so surely some 'traditions' should be left in the past.

Still not convinced?

The mercury levels in these whales is so high these days that many of the islanders are believed to be dying from consuming the whale meat and there are more and more children being born with mental health issues believed to be from eating this meat.

I guess nature is having the last laugh...........


http://earthfirst.com/pilot-whales-brutally-slaughtered-annually-in-the-faroe-islands/

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Smell nice and save the planet - result!


Do you remember I had a rant and I contacted all the main supermarkets in the UK to ask where my choice was as a consumer to not use Palm Oil? That it costs just pennies more to have chocolate without palm oil but no one is giving me that choice? Well, still today none of those supermarkets are giving me that choice but interestingly Sainsbury’s came out best with what they were wanting to do and things they were trying to do and the Co-op came out worst. Interesting considering this is what they are meant to be about….but…….


LUSH has come up with the only soap that does not contain Palm Oil.


This kind of proves we don’t need it!

Their prices haven’t rocketed.

Their products haven’t deteriorated.


But we will help stop the killing of Orangutans and the destruction of the rain forest which is totally vital to us being able to do that little thing called breath! So how ridiculous is it that we are even contemplating using that just to save a few pence. We are actually dying or killing ourselves, or our future just to save a few pence.

Over 69,000 acres of rainforest are being lost every day!



We should go to Lush and buy lots of lovely pretty soap and know we are helping the planet by doing so.

I hope many more shops follow the wonderful example being set by Lush.


Saturday, 12 November 2011

Powerpuff Girls

Oh yes! The best cartoon! The best messages!
What more could you want?
Why is this not on TV anymore?

The tales of Buttercup, Blossom and Bubbles.  A brunette, a red head and a blonde.  In my life I have been them all!

Buttercup is the fiesty one (the one I was always called!)
Blossom is the clever one.
Bubbles the cute one.



They are made of sugar and spice and everything nice and Chemical X!

They save the world before bedtime.

If you haven't fallen in love with this cartoon yet then make sure you watch Candy is Dandy the best thing on tv ever!!!

They also let you know that Girls Can.   Not a bad message to put out there for the kids.....and adults!

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Miaow!

So how did the House of Harlow and Winter Kate designer hone in on her enviable sense of style? "It's so hard for me to answer that question whenever I get asked!" she told WWD. "It's not that deep for me, it's whatever I feel comfortable in at that time. I really look at fashion as a form of self-expression, so just like how your moods change, my fashion choices change all the time."

The above is a conversation that a magazine had with Nicole Richie and it made me laugh! The reason she finds it so hard to answer that is because she has a stylist.  Because she has someone else design all her clothes for her clothing line and it's the power of her name that helps sell it not her design skills.  I have found only one interview where Nicole was asked if she actually drew the designs and she had to confess that no she didn't but that she did approve every item that went into the line.  So that means she went 'Yes', 'No', 'Maybe'.  Hmmmm.

Recently her publishers confirmed that she does not write her books.  Shock horror oh my gosh blow me down with a feather I never saw that one coming *rolls eyes*.  This was quickly glossed over and now she doesn't really seem to be asked about her writing much.

This is because she has a PR team that work for her.  They will swoop in on any interview that she does saying what will be allowed and not allowed in the questioning.  And this is why you find that 'stars' that represent themselves can come unstuck.

I am not picking on Nicole here - just saying it like it is because I am sick of people pretending to be super woman and making people feel they too can have all this if they just manage their time properly - that they too should be achieving all this.  It puts a lot of pressure on young girls and working mom's when really it is all a lie.


Most 'celebrities' are guilty of this but they get so tied up in that world or feeling like they are priveledged and in many cases only having 'yes men' around them that reality can get blurred.

Many will jump on the bandwagon about being 'green' and 'eco friendly' and denouncing plastic but then you see them with their plastic juice bottles and huge SUV cars.  Didn't Bono once even fly a hat out to himself!?! Nice!

I think it's really unfair to put such a false image of yourself out there.  To lie so blatantly and for the world to buy into it.

So many of these 'famous' women have had so much work done and have so much done to look the way they do and have a huge team of people working with them to get to look the way we think they do and then tell the world they should love themselves and not let bullies get them down and to be who they really are.  Scuse me whilst I fall about laughing at their hypocricy.

It seems that this world has very little to do with talent and hard work for the most part and all to do with what class you were born into, how much money you have and more importantly not what you know but who you know (or what your Daddies surname is).

It saddens me so much that this is the sort of thing that we hold up in high esteem when it's all lies.

I just want this to be an honest and fair world.

Sadly it seems like I'm asking the earth!!!!!

Friday, 4 November 2011

Some days just suck

A friend of mine thinks the devil looks after his own. That if you are a little shit you seem to get everything go right for you.

I hate to buy into this.

What morals or standards of living or hope does this give us?

Why should those that do little get the rewards?


If that was the case why aren’t we all out there now being little arseholes and robbing banks?


Why do I sit and see that it appears to be true? So many that win the lottery are little rat bags.


So many that seem to land on their feet actually trample everyone that gets in their way.

Why is it those with the talent get pushed to the wayside for those that have the contacts?


Some days it’s really hard to breathe and not just get choked by all this negativity.

I refuse to give up.

I refuse to get bitter.

I’m having one of those days where you just want to say ‘Fuck it’ pack your bags and run with no agenda and on destination, just run until your little legs give out.


I refuse though.


I don’t know if that makes me smart or just outrageously stubborn.


I refuse to give up hope. I refuse to buy into being a little shit. I want to believe that what you put out there is what you get back. I want to believe that good things come to those who wait. I want to believe that if you work hard you will get rewarded for your efforts. I want to believe in something other than money and celebrity. I want to believe that anything is possible for anyone.


I want to believe that I won’t have to live in the joke flat forever.

I want to believe that I won’t have to starve as I get to old age.

I want to believe that those of us that have good morals will be rewarded.

I want to believe in the future.

I want to believe that there is love like Carl and Ellie’s.

I want to believe that things will be ok.

I want to believe that the good guys win.

I want to believe that someone is listening.

I want to believe that the good times are just around the corner.

I want to believe in myself and my ability to pull through.

I want to believe in this world and the people in it.

I want to believe above all that my friend is wrong about the devil looking after his own.

I want to believe that the answers can be found at the bottom of the ice cream tub or at the bottom of a bowl of cheesy mash potato.

I want to believe that this won’t go on forever.

I want to believe that all I aspire to is within my grasp.

I want to believe that I am not wasting my time, that we are all not wasting our time.

I want to believe that music really does save.

I want to believe that if I keep on going that things will pick up.

I want to believe that dreams come true.

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

If you live in a glass house eventually the world will see ALL that you do

We live in a civilised world where rape is still common place in some countries. As is child slavery, as is genocide.


We live in a world where people can’t get food or clean water to drink.

We live in a world where people regularly die from lack of food.


We live in a world where people can’t afford to have a basic standard of living.

We live in a world where children are leaving school unable to read.

We live in a world where some children don’t get to go to school at all.



We live in a world where Kim Kardashian can make $250,000 for each 24 hours she was married…..allegedly.


You know I don’t really care what the exact figure is – the fact that she is making more than a couple hundred bucks for such a thing is pretty gross.

I don’t blame her for making the most of this – I blame the world for caring so much for this.

When did it become acceptable for actors to earn such a ridiculous sum of money for prancing about pretending to be someone else?


Why are surgeons not the people that we hold in great esteem?

Why are footballers earning such ridiculous sums of money for running around kicking a leather ball? We’ve seen the headlines – many would be better off spending their money on better education.

Why on earth is this money not put into scholarships?

Why are football clubs not building sports centres? It would give the youth something to do and also help sort out a lot of the weight issues that we are struggling from.


When did it become such a fickle world that children are aspiring to be famous, you ask them what for and they shrug. Why are they not trying to do something good for their community? Or for the world?
When did we become so bogged down with ‘me, me, me’!


When did what surgery we were prepared to have become what was really the driving force.

Name me 10 celebrities that haven’t had work done!


When did it become OK for said celebrities to pretend they have written a book, made a perfume, designed some clothes, when really they are just nodding or shaking their heads and watching that cash roll in which for a lot of them is only happening because of something that their parents did to make that name carry some weight!

When did it become OK to say these people should be the role models, the big income earners and the people we all aspire to and look up to?

When did it become OK to mislead our youth so much?

I don’t know how said celebrities live with themselves to be honest – but the truth is they just pay people to keep the real world away from them.

People can no longer afford to go to University. Libraries are being shut so unless you have money you are not even being entitled to the right to read a book.

The country has been set up where cars are a necessity now the cost of running those cars is becoming so high that many can’t afford to run them, but the infrastructure is not there for people not to have a car.

Gas and electricity companies are recording record high profits whilst people are dying in their chairs because they cannot afford to put their heating on.

I look around me every day and I see people with no homes to go to, people that are drinking themselves to an early grave.

I see people working hard but then having it all taken from them when they need to pay for old age care, when they are put into grossly overcharged accommodation where it is pot luck as to whether they will actually look after you or not.

I see a country where those that don’t bother to work live in flats that those that work cannot afford. I see them get so much and so many that are working hard not getting their basic rights met.

Take London. An amazing city.

But there are some dark places here.


Rents are ridiculous. Landlords are not meeting their basic obligations because they don’t have to, because the government is being clueless and the demand for property is so high these rogue landlords are being left to screw over so many.

The prices of places to buy is laughable – then you see the condition they are in and wonder who is being stupid enough to invest in such things.


Where in the world do you find a small lounge, a tiny alcove kitchen, a bathroom so small it has no window and a tiny bedroom not big enough to have a full sized wardrobe in it going for the bargain rent of £1,000 per month?

Where is small shoe box of a flat that doesn’t even have a proper kitchen in it and has no outside space go for what is being called a steal at £300,000.


Most cannot afford this in their wildest dreams.

It will take them 25 years of scrimping and saving and borrowing from all sorts of people, working two jobs and using their inheritance to pay for this – and even then they might not have paid it all off in 25 years!

But Kim Kardashian was making that every 2 days or less depending on the exchange rate.

Wow – that is one fucked up set of morals we are trying to encourage this world to have.

Monday, 31 October 2011

Glass Feet

I can’t today – my feet are cold. I can’t do things when my feet are cold. I just, I don’t know, it’s not like I freeze but I kind of do. Do you understand what I mean? No, I don’t suppose you do.



Does anyone?


Am I alone in my thinking or just alone in thinking I am alone? I guess we all feel the same sometimes?


The better the things appear – well, are we just learning to fake it better and better?


Would that be to say that no one is truly happy? That would be a really silly thing to say.


I just don’t think any of us are quite as happy as we sometimes make out we are.


Which in turn means we are never quite as unhappy as we say we are either.


Some people just like to moan.


And some people just like to pretend.


Which are you? Do you pretend? I think sometimes that maybe that is the way to go but then inevitably you have days where you realise your whole world is fake and fickle and it’s just another thing you have been pretending.


The world is full of hypocrisies. Nothing like human nature for hypocritical behaviour. Take these celebrities that pretend they are like SO happy with the way they look and just think you should be kind to your self and then you find out the nut job diets they go on, how hungry they normally are, what a state their body is in and all the plastic surgery they have done.


Or the books they claim to have written.


Or the fashion lines they claim to design.


Or the perfumes they pretend to create.


All the ‘friends’ they claim to have.


The list goes on and on and on.


But you? Well you the average Jo who works 9 – 5, scrap that no doubt works 8 – 6 and barely gets by, but you, if you have some real friends, if you wrote that book or did that drawing……maybe you actually have more! Did you ever think about it like that?


Maybe you really don’t have to live in this pretend world where your name and face is just a brand.


You really can just be you! Real. Cold feet and all!

Friday, 28 October 2011

I don't want your money honey

Is it possible to live without money? Is it possible to really get by with all the things you need? It's probably easier than we think to cut down on what we need to spend money on but I always feel we kindof need our own property and a bit of our own land to do so.  If you are stuck paying rent then you are pretty much screwed for cash these days it would seem.

And of course the materialisitic culture we have all bred and been bred into does of course mean that we get a bit confused by what is important and what we really need.  We've also forgotten a lot about how to get by without having to just chuck out and buy new things all the time, we don't really 'fix' things much anymore and it's easier to go to the shops than go and grow our own veg' but it's not nearly as rewarding.

Times are tough and the only good thing I can see to come out of all this is that maybe some of us will start working as a team more and starting to be a little more self sufficient.  In the meantime....this is kindof what my ideal place would look like.....maybe a few of them around for friends and family to live in and we'd all have our own little patch of land.


This sort of house would be absolutely perfect - of course in my typical hypocritical state I'd probably need two - one for my stuff and one for me!


The lighting inside would be like this above - it would feel like fireflies and would feel magical.

Now could you really handle this bathroom? It's intersesting but would really be painful if you were feeling a bit hungover - still there's something about it.