Monday, 7 June 2010

Forget everything, I know the only secret you need to know!

Be yourself.

That's it.

Plain and simple.  The lesson, not who you are.

All the years of schooling and that's it - the most important lesson I could ever learn and ever pass on.
Sure you need to know how to read and write, but all that math and geography - it's kind of forgotten.  Shameful? No not really.

I've spent (what feels like) forever and a day saying 'Sorry'.  It's gotten so bad that if someone walks into me I say sorry.  If I don't hear someone because they mumble I say 'sorry' not 'pardon' but 'sorry'.

By always apologising I've felt that being me is something wrong.  I've let people's judgement of me question myself when it's actually their problem.

I've spent years hating my face and my body - but where has it got me? NOWHERE! I still have my face and my body.  So.....all that make up - all those clothes - all the hand in front of face hiding smile moments - and I am still me.  I KNOW I am ok.  Hooray - it's taken longer than you think for me to be able to say that, well not just say it but actually believe it too.  And I do.  I still hide and feel scared, I still go to say sorry - but I'm getting there.  I've pin pointed those issues and I am getting there.

Why couldn't I have known all this at 13? (To be honest probably because it would've stopped me seeming confident and tipped over towards arrogance and many lessons may have been overseen).  Anyway - I refuse to regret, so rather than pitying the wasted time and the me I could've been I have to realise this is the me I am meant to be.

If someone doesn't like it - instead of saying sorry or thinking there is something wrong with me, I know it's ok - they obviously aren't meant to be in my life.  The friends I have seen that no longer make me feel happy or good about myself - well it's obvioulsy not meant to be anymore - it's not me, it's not them - it's just the way it is.  No cop out - just life - and that's all any of us are living.

Of course ask me tomorrow and it could be a different story.

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