It's funny how we spend so much time making excuses to not do the things that make us happy. Why is that? Do we not feel worthy? Are we brought up in the wrong fashion and encouraged to work hard at the things we are not so good at so technically filling our time with things that we don't particularly enjoy as it's rare we love to do something we are not good at. I think we might feel we're not good at some things but ask people around you and you can quite often get a different answer.
Last week I found a bargain book for 25pence. It's called 'High Energy Habits by Bill Ford'. As it was only 25pence I didn't really care for how good it was going to be but thought I might find a hidden gem or two inside. One of the tasks that is set is to find your strengths and weaknesses. Now I am not very good at finding my strengths but can reel off a tonne of real or quite possibly imagined weaknesses. Three friends completed this task for me and quite honestly I was blown away by how they viewed me. Each 3 has a different way of living and different personality but their answers were suprisingly similar and man did their replies make me feel good. It's not all about ego but a wonderful spring board to help keep me focussed and moving forward.
I am slowly taking time out to work out what I enjoy, what makes me feel good and the results are physically showing me I am actually a pretty decent person - who'd have thunk it ay!?!!
I've spent the weekend with D as he's been away a few nights this week and because it's our 3 year anniversary. Nothing really went to plan but I'm not so uptight these days so have just rolled with the day and it's been nothing but lovely. I gave up some control and it's turned out better than I thought.
There are so many lessons in there for me, it's somewhat refreshing to realise I don't have to have tight control on everything for things to go ok and I don't have to have everything perfectly planned out for it to go ok. I didn't even realise I fell victim to this so much.
A friend just text me, she's been alone with her troubles and feels like poop. So I just highlighted how she should do something she really loves even if she's not in the mood for it as within a few minutes she'll be so absorbed she'll have had a break from her troubles and will have done something no doubt creative - win win all round. Sometimes you have to take yourself out of yourself to really see where you should be heading.
I have sat and panicked about the number of friends I have and what I do with my time - and it's all me judging myself against others - but what works for them doesn't necessarily mean it will work for me and these differences is what makes the world a beautiful place - otherwise we'd all be doing the same thing at the same time and things would become a bit gridlocked. Now I am slowing myself down - I have a whole lifetime to achieve my goals yet I seem to be racing towards the finish line for some reason - how foolish of me - think of all the things I will miss experiencing and all the lessons I won't get to learn and all the things I won't get to see. I feel I should be doing this that or the other instead and it's all based on what I used to do, well now, wouldn't it be sad if I hadn't grown, if I hadn't changed and how sad to be hankering after days gone by when there is a whole new world each day to explore.
I don't even know where I am heading with this - but I am going to make that part of the fun rather than something to dread.