...back to routine and my time not being my own.
I returned to work yesterday and it feels weird - not as bad as I thought but it doesn't feel like I have been away for very long and it surprised me how many people said they had missed me. Of course they might've been lying but if they did, they did it well ☺☺
I feel like quite a different person to the Alison of last year. I feel more positive and calmer and definitely more aware of my surroundings. I feel I am walking more gently through life - and not just because of all the snow and ice underfoot. I feel more inspired and in turn I think that will make me more inspiring. I am less apologetic about being me but still consumed by the social phobias that have haunted me for the last 3 and a bit years. I realise that there are only a few people in this world I really trust and feel comfortable with. I don't know if that is unique or unusual or if I am just the honest one amongst many people that fool themselves.
I've lived a lifetime of staying up late, getting hammered and partying into the small hours, does it matter that these things don't interest me much anymore? Does it matter that I don't mind not being in some club half cut on a Saturday night?! I was talking to a neighbour last night and she confessed that she too felt the allure had gone and was actually more than content to just sit round a friends house to see New Year in.
It feels that a lot of people count their friends on social networking sites to comfort themselves and 'connecting' with almost anyone to get those numbers up. Take Casey Johnson the latest 'celebrity' to succumb to her drug issues, loads of people poured online to say how missed she'd be but her body lay undiscovered for 3 days over a weekend. Those sorts of things really make me think.
I keep harping on about this but be happy with your lot. Don't judge your life against anyone elses. Don't think that just because you aren't doing what such and such is that it is wrong. You will find that many people kid themselves about a lot of stuff. I am finally coming to terms with my smaller social group - I am much happier to be a good friend to a few than a shit friend to many.