Monday, 4 January 2010

And so...the end is near

Or at least the end of the Christmas break and my return to work from my operation. It makes you feel weird. It makes you realise how wrong we must've gotten all this as all over facebook is people moaning about going back to they can't wait for the next holidays and all the reasons why work gets in the way of their lives.

Sadly work is how we get to live our lives with that old little thing called money.

I wish it wasn't so important but it really is - there is little way of getting around it unless you learn a lot of bush craft and find a remote island to call your own.

But I am determined to stop letting people define me by my job. I would still be me if I was a street cleaner or head of a major fashion organisation. Yes, there would be changes to my time and some of the things I am exposed to but ultimately I would still be me. I want to answer the questions of 'What do you do?' with telling people what I do in my own time. I realise that even this is restricted by what my boss decides to pay me and where I decide to live but you get the idea. I even feel mildly tempted to get a wardrobe like Olive Oyl in Popeye - a stack of the same outfit - one for each day of the week.

I would of course still have to accessorise like crazy but I am sick of people judging me by what catagory they think they can put me into based on how they decide my clothes look. I dyed my hair black and suddenly I am goth?! How lazy. In my head I sometimes imagine this huge human eraser that I can just scrub out the people I don't want in my life and then I thought wouldn't it be good if you could have selective hearing for real (yes men out there we know you can hear us really ;o) but you could just not hear the babble coming out of the narrow minded mouths of the many and then your ears could just listen to the things that interest you.

I daydream too much, don't worry I am aware of this and I have decided it's one thing I don't want to change about myself.

I woke up and realised there is a lot more to getting up going to work and going out to get hammered and to put that cycle on repeat until your poor body can't take it anymore. Now I want to hear my friends. I want to see the world. I want to pretend to be taking photographs all the time so I can really see my surroundings. I don't want to talk if I don't want to. To banish small talk from my life. I don't want to have to fill every silence and I don't want you to either. I want to be content, that's all. A little richer might be nice.

I also plan to read a whole lot more. I remember reading once that Joan Collins had said she never reads books, I think this might've been a stab at her sister, but she was saying that there is too much life to live yet and reading is what she'll do when she can't do anything else. I find that a bit sad. Reading is such an accessible way of learning to having your eyes, your mind and your heart opened...and an easy way to escape when you need to and there is no hangover in the morning.

And quite frankly my dear, I don't care if that makes me sound boring - I am going to hail my inner geek........

and live the way I choose not how someone thinks I should - that to me is a step towards happiness.

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