Sunday, 20 December 2009

I'm a feminine not a feminist

Once upon a time being a feminist was a good thing, it was seen as a good word. It meant that women were being seen as human, as equal. As a female of the species I was allowed to vote, which meant my opinions were valid. I was entitled to an education, just like a boy was. I was entitled to work it if I wanted to, I didn't just have to be a baby maker and home maker.

All good things. It meant I was recognised as a human being with the right to choose.

But somewhere, something has gone very wrong. The word Feminist has become quite an ugly one to the majority of people. A female friend of mine hates feminists. A lot of women think this is weird for a woman to say. But lets think about that one. Today I am expected to make a home, keep it clean, have a job, have children that I raise to be good human beings, to be I feel I should have the choice of any of those but how can I humanly be expected to achieve all of that and achieve it well? Why would I want to do a half arsed effort at any of those. So, sadly it appears that the word feminist or the rights those initial feminists were fighting for has been interpreted to mean that as a female of the species I should be able to do everything all at once and that some men now see women as 'fair game' that, I think the quote was 'I don't have to be nice to 'them' anymore.'

Men had all male groups that women were not allowed to be in. I personally believe there should never be such a huge divide - there are two species that work from a different but equally important emotional angle. They come together quite nicely if both are respected and share the needs and demands of this world. Now that is in no way saying that you shouldn't have same sex relationships or parents, I do not mean that for one minute. BUT, I do think it is highly important for a child to be exposed to the female and the male of the species as they will learn and develop so much from this exposure. This doesn't have to be in the typical format of a parent, but as a guardian maybe.

A man needs to be a man and a woman needs to be a woman, we all need boy time or girl time. I just don't think it feels right to say a woman can't go beyond this spot. So feminists had a point with that but sadly seem to have counteracted it by making places only women can go, which starts to feel a bit tit for tat. I don't know about you but my mom always told me that two wrongs don't make a right. It seems to be that the bad characteristics of a man (the chauvinistic side) have been taken on by a lot of woman labelled as feminists today. I had a male of the species once say about me that it wasn't that I had an opinion that was the problem, it was because I was a woman with an opinion. This is down right disgusting. And was sadly said by someone in the same age group as me. That's not a manly point of view. That's just rude. Something somewhere has obviously gone wrong as today woman are earning less than a man in the same job, and this difference is the highest it has been for 20 years. Kids are running riot as the family set up falls apart. Because woman rightly felt they had the right to be in jobs if they wished but somehow it has become almost essential to have two incomes to be able to afford a home and to bring up children. I know of people that have had quite a few children to entitle them to a house fully paid for on benefits, and to keep them in beer and cigarette money, that is not what I am advocating as that kind of behaviour is not to be respected. But suddenly women are being looked down upon for being a full time mother, as though it's an easy ride that takes no work at all. Women taking time out of their jobs to have children are almost being penalised when they return to work. Women that decide they don't want children are now demanding to have maternity leave too as though that 6 months out of work to look after your child and build a bond with them is seen as a total holiday.

In a book written by a man (The Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet by Benjamin Hoff) he states that woman are being used and abused more than ever. That never have women been portrayed so demeaningly in magazines, movies, television and books. That feminism does not seem to have set women free but is making it remarkably cheap.

So something has gone very wrong. Kids are being forced to grow up before they are ready and equipped to do so and the adolescent stage seems to be lingering for longer and longer. Even in the animal world there are remarkable things happening. There are groups of all male elephants running around attacking themselves and humans, which has not been the way before, they are destroying the reputation of elephants and in certain cultures they are all being deemed as bad and that it's a problem that needs eradicating. In reality it's down to poaching - the older wiser elephants are being killed for their tusks and are not able to pass on valuable knowledge or to correct the kids wayward behaviour. You can see the same things happening on the streets today. To cut a long story short - male and female have a unique place in this world, they both need to be present in their best forms. Women should be able to choose. But no one is capable of doing it all well, there is bound to be some consequences..................The other day I heard a lady tell a man off for holding a door open for her, she thought he was demeaning her. He was just being polite. Kindness is already too lacking in this world, why on earth do we went to try to stamp out anymore of it? Harmony is the key here surely, with a big dose of respect added in. Chauvinistic behaviour is archaic and ugly we do not want a nation of everyone turning into chauvinists, surely there is a happy balance out there where a man can be a man and a woman can be a woman without it having to be in a derogatory aggressive way.

It's for this reason that I say I am feminine not feminist. I understand that naturally a female is designed to nest and to nurture and that a male is generally stronger in build and is the hunter gatherer. I don't want to change those natural roles/capabilities. I want to enhance them and to build that teamwork that I feel is essential. I don't want it all but I feel I have the right to choose what I do want and that my sex should not indicate my position in life or business but I can work on my natural qualities to enhance my position in business and in life. Labelling a woman as a feminist today is seen as being an insult, where it started for the greater good. I will always embrace my feminine side but I will also demand respect, and I don't see anything wrong with that.


  1. It's quite amusing, but what you have said about wanting to choose how you live your life, that you don't think your sex should determine your position in life, and that you demand respect, all make you a feminist whether you use that label or not.

    The whole point of feminism is that women are respected as equals of men (not the same as you imply, but given equal respect and rights) and that their sex should not determine their roles in society.

    Women who are women "in a derogatory aggressive way" as you said, are not feminists, they are sexist and that has nothing to do with feminism.

    Welcome to the club! ;)


  2. Thanks for the post Alison. Any way you look at it, all are just labels we place upon ourselves - or others place upon us. I get it, though, and I'm a feminine too. A friend of mine wrote the other day, I love being a woman, having boobs and all that. Kinda funny. I think we have more power than we give ourselves credit for. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Thank you both! I too love being a woman and don't ever think of myself as being a lower class citizen for being one. I guess you make a good point that I am a feminist then......but I hate how today a certain breed of female (that you rightly call sexist) are using the term feminist and it has now become a dirty word whereas once upon a time it was a really good thing.
    I guess I should just say I am me, forget about labels ☺☺ and that me has an opinion and that is a good thing!