Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Time to open up a can of worms

So, an 11 year old girl has given birth to a baby.

A Bulgarian girl – on her wedding day to her 19 year old husband. She gave birth in her wedding dress.

Apparently she said that she won’t play with toys anymore as she has a new toy now.

He is facing prison for sex with a minor.

Oh the wonderful world we live in.

Now if she is allowed to legally marry a 19 year old at 11 I am guessing the laws in Bulgaria are a little different to here? But then if the 19 year old lad is in trouble then maybe not?

In many ways that point is neither here nor there.

Children should be allowed to be children. For a long time. A healthy, long almost naive childhood. One filled with love and laughter where the child has time to grow and become sure of who they are. To go out into the world armed with the best information they can, the best life skills, the best confidence they can. To go forth and experience life, learn a little about love, laughter, hardship. To make friends, to party to settle down knowing who they are, working through their demons, understanding a bit about life. To then go on to find a loving partner to help them raise a child. To be able to answer their child’s questions on life. To know how the world works so you can protect and teach your child. To have had your selfish years of life being just about you so that you will never feel envy or anger at your child for not allowing you those moments.
To not have to keep having your child being asked if you are sisters. To not wear the exact same fashion as your child. To let them have their identity.

When your child looks at you and asks you what you did with life to be able to say more than ‘well I had you honey’.

I am not saying that no one can make this work – I admire those that do – but when you bring a whole new human into the world should you not be doing that as a fully formed adult – as much for your sake as for the childs? Should you not be allowed your time of innocence, your time to be parented, to learn valuable life skills?

I haven’t travelled the world and there are still many, many things I want to do with life. I don’t think life should be over when you have children but it really has to become about them, but if you’ve never had chance to experience life yet, how are you properly going to have worked through all your demons so you don’t pass them on to your child? How are you going to understand the commitment involved in bringing up a little human that never asked to be born but is here to stay, for a very long time.

One 11 year old is going to be different to the next 11 year old, but there is no way an 11 year old child can ever be seen as a full formed adult…there are a lot of adults that are never going to be fully formed adults as well but the best gift you can give your child is surely the very, very best chance in life possible? Can a child really do that for another?

I have friends that had children young and they have made an amazing success of parenting, but they were definitely in their teens by the time they had children. I feel sad that children can't be children anymore, and most of all I wish that little girl luck....I am not sure if I mean the mother, the daughter, or both.


  1. this is one post that has touched my heart, I have two daughters, and am so happy they had their child hood in tact

  2. I talk to my wife about this all the time, especially after just having our first. How do kids have kids? How do they make this work? We're in our 30's and is still extremely difficult!

    Good post... no worms!

  3. Thank you both very much. It's scary really that children are having sex at 11 or maybe 10 let alone actually having children at that age, I think the only worry I had at that age was whether I had a clean pair of socks in the morning.........even fashion these days isn't letting children be children. If only they could realise how wonderful childhood can be instead of trying so hard to be grown up.