Where everything you were OK with yesterday suddenly feels wrong or less right than it should?
That every little problem you thought you had justified and worked out in your head suddenly is seizing your brain and squeezing so hard that you can't think straight?
Do I need chocolate? Do you think shopping will cure it...at least for a while? Will a nice new dress make me feel pretty? Can I blame said new dress if I don't like what the mirror reflects back at me?
Sometimes I think my day job is too isolating.......much of the day is spent with many people around - but not my work colleagues. That can make it quite hard to form a bond.......my Dad always felt that your work colleagues should never become your friends because when the time comes to move on you are left with nothing and no one around. That happened to a flat mate of mine, he felt so popular at work and was always out but the minute he was made redundant - no one around. Another friend left work to have a baby - she was showered with good wishes and gifts but hasn't heard from them since. I've made some of my best friends through jobs - so who is right? Maybe I have been very lucky in my jobs so far?
But all too often I find myself counting friends - which is just plain ridiculous as it's surely about quality and not quantity? And life evolves and changes so friendships will but every new experience in life brings new people as well, I guess you just have to be open to that......maybe it's because of being ill I don't feel I can be the good friend to people that I once was? I get many protests when I say this and get told I am talking rubbish but sometimes it's hard to shake that feeling. I feel eternally grateful for those that bolster me like that - for those that are still around. Sometimes I think I might just take things too personally and forget that people just get busy. In London people tend to stay for a few years then move away - maybe that's the shift....friends having babies....it doesn't really change friendships for a man but it's going to change those of a woman. You can't go out like you could......if you have the baby. You might end up just getting baby talk whenever you see your old party buddy....and what if you can't have children and all your friends are or planning too....that is going to have quite a profound effect on the friendship surely? Girls tend to move away following their husbands/partners jobs far more than men moving to follow theirs........it's a weird transition.....and one I don't think I have quite mastered yet - but hey I am always up for the challenge.