Thursday, 17 September 2009

Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not after you.....

Do you ever get days where nothing makes sense?
Where everything you were OK with yesterday suddenly feels wrong or less right than it should?
That every little problem you thought you had justified and worked out in your head suddenly is seizing your brain and squeezing so hard that you can't think straight?
Do I need chocolate? Do you think shopping will cure least for a while? Will a nice new dress make me feel pretty? Can I blame said new dress if I don't like what the mirror reflects back at me?

Sometimes I think my day job is too isolating.......much of the day is spent with many people around - but not my work colleagues. That can make it quite hard to form a Dad always felt that your work colleagues should never become your friends because when the time comes to move on you are left with nothing and no one around. That happened to a flat mate of mine, he felt so popular at work and was always out but the minute he was made redundant - no one around. Another friend left work to have a baby - she was showered with good wishes and gifts but hasn't heard from them since. I've made some of my best friends through jobs - so who is right? Maybe I have been very lucky in my jobs so far?

But all too often I find myself counting friends - which is just plain ridiculous as it's surely about quality and not quantity? And life evolves and changes so friendships will but every new experience in life brings new people as well, I guess you just have to be open to that......maybe it's because of being ill I don't feel I can be the good friend to people that I once was? I get many protests when I say this and get told I am talking rubbish but sometimes it's hard to shake that feeling. I feel eternally grateful for those that bolster me like that - for those that are still around. Sometimes I think I might just take things too personally and forget that people just get busy. In London people tend to stay for a few years then move away - maybe that's the shift....friends having doesn't really change friendships for a man but it's going to change those of a woman. You can't go out like you could......if you have the baby. You might end up just getting baby talk whenever you see your old party buddy....and what if you can't have children and all your friends are or planning too....that is going to have quite a profound effect on the friendship surely? Girls tend to move away following their husbands/partners jobs far more than men moving to follow's a weird transition.....and one I don't think I have quite mastered yet - but hey I am always up for the challenge.


  1. i liked your this post as well, and yes its so true, my best friend actually had a bad time dealing with her break up! it was that bad, that my "best friend" never even wanted to be with me anymore also. why? coz she was unable to hear experiences, incidences and stories about my own relationship.. she just couldn't STAND ME ANYMORE... yesterday i wrote about it on my blog, and my another friend actually helped to get out of this sticky blue feeling, so i have dedicated that post to her!

    have a nice weekend

  2. Friends should still share your happiness even if they are down - personally I find that knowing my friends are having good times even if I am not can actually give you hope again.
    Friendships can be wonderful but you have to sort through some fickle stuff too. Give your friend space - let her know you are there for her but don't think it's fair to not be able to talk about your life just because hers hasn't followed the path she thought it would - good luck to you and thank you for the kind words.
    I read your blog - it's good ☺☺

  3. no matter how bad my day is, i still feel happy for a friend if he/she has great news. and no matter how lovely my day is, i still empathize with a friend if they have horrible news. my friend texted me a few weeks ago and told me his stepmother had passed, and i called him and busted out in tears.

  4. You are the sort of friend that everyone should have!!!!